


No Cure For Love

by MyDirtyLittleSecret



Series: The Odd Couple [2]
Category: Hanazakari no Kimitachi e | Hana-Kimi (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-28
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-03-26 03:32:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 47,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3835402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyDirtyLittleSecret/pseuds/MyDirtyLittleSecret
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nakatsu and Kagurazaka haven't exactly found their happily ever after. What will it take to find it? The sequel to The Odd Couple. Please read that first before venturing into this story. Strong Yaoi Warning. Nakatsu x Kagurazaka</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own anything having to do with Hana Kimi except for the manga I bought honestly. I do not own the characters, the original story manga plot, or anything else there in. This is purely for entertainment value. Nothing else. This is the only time you will see this disclaimer. The disclaimer is implied in the continuing chapters.
> 
> A/N:The title for this story was taken from a yaoi manga short by Makato Tateno called Sinsemillia. I just really loved that line in the story. It made me think of the title for this story almost immediately. I even made a poster for this story too. LOL. If you can't tell this story has already taken on a life of its own in my mind. This is going to be an angsty fic. I should warn you in advance. This is going to be a roller coaster ride. It's basically an excuse to work out my own frustrations on these poor characters. Things aren't gonna be perfect for these two for a while, but I hope that you all will stick with me as the story spins itself out. I do have a clear goal in mind as to where it's going. Big thanks to Deathnotebliss who has graciously offered to be my beta for any stories I write. She's awesome! So welcome aboard the ride everyone! Hope you enjoy.
> 
> Here's the link for the poster: www . mediaminer fanart / view . php / 198632 Make sure you take all the spaces out of it.
> 
> Warnings: Spoilers for all chapters of the manga. There will be gay sex. This is a strong yaoi story. If you don't like that, please turn back now. I don't want flames because you didn't read this warning. This is a sequel fic. If you have not read The Odd Couple that I previously wrote then you will have a hard time following this story. I urge you to go back and read that first. Thanks!
> 
> Ok, now! On to the story…

Prologue

I can't tell you what it really is  
I can only tell you what it feels like  
And right now there's a steel knife  
In my windpipe  
I can't breathe

-Love the Way You Lie By: Eminem

Sometimes life doesn't always work out the way you want it to. Nakatsu had learned this the hard way. He was 28 years old. He had enough life experience now to know that particular fact first hand. It wasn't that his life was horrible. Not by any means. He had a lot to be proud of from his life thus far. He'd won a gold medal in his first Olympics in Greece and a bronze in his second Olympics in Beijing. He'd won the World Cup twice in a row for the Japanese team, which had only happened twice for two countries since FIFA started. He was considered the best professional soccer player in the world; certainly the best in Japan. He had more money than he knew what to do with. He promoted high school soccer country wide through funding, talks, and tours. He should be completely happy. He was living his dream.

But he wasn't happy.

He'd lost the person that had meant more to him than his dreams. He'd lost the man he loved.

Kagurazaka Makato.

They had dated since senior year of high school. They'd gone to college together. All the major sports events of their early careers they had attended to support each other. The first Olympics Nakatsu had been to he'd had Zak beside him. They'd won medals together like they had promised back in high school. They had lived together for a little over 4 years. Sano had shared the apartment with them all through college along with his girlfriend, Mizuki. Soon as Sano graduated, he had moved out and into his own place. The last year of living together, they had been completely alone in that apartment. They'd been riding a high, built on their beliefs in their dreams and their love for each other. For 5 years they had been together. Nakatsu didn't regret a day of it. Oh, how he ached for those days. He'd give anything to have them back. Those golden years had ended so abruptly. Much faster than either could have comprehended.

Kagurazaka had been in an arranged engagement before the two had even started dating. Nakatsu had wanted them to be together as long as possible before Zak's family started to interfere. They had ignored the issue like they hoped it would make the problem go away. They knew eventually Zak would be forced to get married. They had done nothing to prepare or to tried to stop the engagement. So Nakatsu had been blindsided the day Zak came home to their apartment (shortly after he'd turned 22) to tell the blond he was being forced to marry by the end of the year. Less than 3 months away. At first, it seemed ridiculous. It was like a bad joke.

In those three months, Zak had done all he could to get out of the marriage. He'd even gone as far to go to his intended bride's father to offer to pay him off. If he didn't, his family would lose the land and the temple that they owned. Keiko (his bride)'s father held the deed to the land and the rights to the temple. He would not hand them over until the marriage was completed and Zak had lived with his daughter at least 10 years. It was a shady business deal which really held no benefits for the Kagurazaka family except the rights to their own property back. The temple was all his family had. He owed it to them to help keep it in the family any way he could. He'd fought, ranted, and raved right up to the night before his wedding, but in the end he was forced to agree.

Nakatsu's lovely dream of living with Zak had burst. A vision of a lifetime together was destroyed. The blond remembered their last night together vividly. Their love making had been so desperate, needy, and passionate. Their sorrow had been written in every kiss, touch, and second that slipped by. They'd stayed up all night making love. They had barely talked. They really hadn't needed to. Everything had already been said. The sweet ache of their passionate night had stayed with Nakatsu for days afterwards. A bitter reminder. Neither had cried that night. They refused to in front of each other—but it was so hard not to. In the morning, they parted ways with soft goodbyes, choked I love you's, and fierce kisses.

Kagurazaka had paused in the doorway of the apartment to look back and say, "I'll come back to you. I swear. So please wait."

It was probably the cruelest thing he could have said. Nakatsu had left the door open for some time after Zak had left. He couldn't bear to close it. He simply stood there staring at it. Finally, he walked over and slowly pushed it shut. It latched with a finality that made him cringe. Soon as the latch clicked into place, he could no longer hold back the tears. He wept. Reality finally struck. For weeks, he could barely make himself function. He slipped into a bitter, dark depression. Yet, somehow with the help of Sano, Mizuki, and Kayashima (whom he reconnected with during that time) he'd crawled his way out of it. He'd picked himself up and forced himself to carry on. For a while, he'd had a relationship with Kayashima. It had been doomed not to last though. Nakatsu loved Zak to much to let go. He couldn't stop himself from waiting like he'd been told to. Kayashima had offered him a gentle love and an understanding heart. The blond just couldn't give it back. He felt terrible for doing that to one of his best friends, but his heart only wanted Zak.

He'd forced himself to get back into soccer training. His team was preparing for the FIFA World Cup. It had always been his ultimate goal. He couldn't lose sight of that dream. Not after so much effort and time put into soccer. He'd gone to the World Cup in Germany. The media said he had played like a man who had something to prove. In a way, they were right. He'd proved to himself that he could succeed without Zak. He didn't mean he let go of his love though. It only meant that he could learn to live without him despite everything in him that screamed in protest of it.

He waited.

He didn't know how not to. He continued to hope for the day the man he loved would come back to him. Yet, it was a small hope. He continued his life regardless. He watched Kagurazaka from afar. He only saw the other man in headlines when he won or lost competitions. He saw the headline when Zak and his wife had their daughter, Harumi. He'd cried for hours that night.

The next Olympics brought them back together again for the first time in 3 years. They'd smiled and chatted, pretending like nothing had ever happened. They pretended like they couldn't read the want and deep ache for each other in the other's eyes. Seeing each other though was so painfully difficult. The media said they were both off their game and that they could have done so much better. They both had only walked away with bronze medals from that Olympics. And the media speculated that they had gotten into a fight during the Olympics, which had ruined their mind set, and they had a falling out. The two didn't see each other again for a long time.

Kagurazaka retired from competitive high jumping and took a job coaching at a university. Nakatsu stopped seeing his name in the headlines. In a way, it was a relief. Nakatsu made it to another World Cup and won. During all that time, he'd become a spokesman for supporting high school soccer. It made him happy to foster the love of the game in the next generation. He did tours, commercials, funded money to schools, and did talks at high schools. He was even an announcer for Japan college soccer championship.

The years had passed by fast. He had been content, but never truly happy. He couldn't keep a steady relationship. He never had a hard time getting laid, but sex was just sex. His mother kept hounding him to finally settle down and get married. She wanted grandchildren. She nagged him until he just couldn't take it anymore. He wished he could have filmed her reaction when he told her he was gay. She had been dumb struck. It had been one of the few times he'd ever seen her speechless. Then she'd refused to believe him. They had gotten into an all out shouting match over it. The fight had ended when he'd yelled that 'yes, I do take it up the ass and enjoy it! And I'll keep doing it til I die!' They had not talked about it ever again. In fact, they'd barely talked since then.

A brief, fiery relationship with a reporter had ended badly when the guy leaked to the media that Nakatsu was gay. Apparently, that had been all the reporter really wanted from the beginning. That had soured Nakatsu from even wanting to try having relationships again. The whole thing had turned into a fiasco. The media had bitten into that story like a dog to raw steak. They hounded him for months, trying to get the truth out of him. It got to the point that he couldn't even leave his apartment without being harassed. He finally gave in and had a press conference to end the constant harassment. He admitted to being gay. The questions had come quick and sharp after that. He'd done his best to answer as briefly and politely as possible. No, he was not in a relationship at this time. It was none of their business which sexual position he preferred. No, it didn't affect his relationships with his team members on the Japanese team. Yes, he had been gay since high school. Yes, his friends had known and supported him. And that no, he never been in a sexual relationship with Kagurazaka at any time in their years of friendship. (It had hurt to say that aloud.) No, his sexual preference had not been what had ended their friendship; they had merely drifted apart. And that was that. He would take no more questions on the subject whenever it was brought up.

Somehow, his reputation stayed intact. His life suffered little repercussion once the media got done stalking him. The upside to the whole thing was that he could now date in the open if he wanted, which he didn't. It was easier than ever to get laid. His life settled into a steady tempo, that he enjoyed.

But still he was not happy.

Still he waited and hoped.

And after the last World Cup, he did not know what he wanted to do. He decided to take a step back from professional soccer playing for a while. He needed to assess what he wanted in life now.

It was during this time that he was given a job offer…

/

Kagurazaka Makato had learned to live with his marriage. He did not think he would ever love his wife. She was not the person he truly wanted. It was hard not to resent her for the situation he would be stuck in for the next ten years. She knew that. However, Zak did his best to like her. They had become friends to a certain point. They had known each other growing up in the same neighborhood, but they had never really been close. They had learned to enjoy each other's company. They had sex, because they had no one else and they couldn't cheat. The sex was good, but never mind shattering like he knew it could be with the man he loved. Sometimes he wondered if he could get away with being with Nakatsu too, but he knew eventually he'd get caught. A scandal would destroy their families.

Thoughts like that were erased though when his wife became pregnant. When he realized he was going to be a father, the idea of leaving Keiko was no longer possible. He had more honor than that. He loved his beautiful little girl from the moment she was born. Harumi was the love of his life for the next several years. He couldn't image a life without her in it. Most days he was content, but he was not truly happy. He watched his daughter grow every day with the joy only a parent could know. He practiced high jumping and continued to go to competitions. He threw himself into his training when he was not at home. He didn't want to have any spare time to think.

He avoided anything that might mention Nakatsu's name. Just seeing his name made it hard for him to breathe and his chest hurt with such a deep ache he thought he might pass out. He missed the blond for what seemed like every moment of every day. Nakatsu was like a ghost haunting his steps. It was horrible to think it, but each day he counted down the time until his daughter's eighteenth birthday. He could divorce then without worry. He knew his little girl would be able to take care of herself then. He prayed every day that Nakatsu would wait, as selfish as that was to hope.

Seeing the blond at the next Olympics had been like having someone drive a stake through his chest. He'd been lucky to win bronze. His mind had been in so much turmoil he'd barely been able to concentrate. He'd only won third, because the American in rank ahead of him had been disqualified on his last jump. Whenever he saw Nakatsu, even just a glimpse, his eyes followed him like a starving man gazing at a mirage of a feast. The man he loved was so close and yet he could do nothing. They had spoken to each other, but it had been short and awkward. They had both tried so hard to pretend like the tension and buried feelings were not right there beneath the surface of every word they spoke. When the Olympics were over, they parted ways again.

Zak retired from high jumping after that Olympics when he blew out his knee during a training exercise. He was told by his doctor that he would never be able to jump again. It took surgery and a few months to of recovery before he could even think about what he wanted to do with his life now. He was immediately offered positions as a coach all around the country at different colleges soon as he was physically sound. He settled for the second most famous athletic college in Japan- M University. Keiko wasn't happy to move, but Zak really didn't care. It seemed like life was finally starting to settle back into what he had come to think of as normal now.

He remembered opening the paper one morning as he drank his coffee and choking so hard it had scared Keiko and Harumi. He knew he'd dropped his coffee cup. The hot liquid that spilled across his hand didn't even hurt. His eyes were locked on a picture of the man he loved with his arm around another guy on the front page of the newspaper. He wanted to weep. It felt like someone was tearing his heart out. He finally managed to look at the headline above the picture and cringed.

'STAR SOCCER PLAYER'S SECRET GAY LIFE EXPOSED!'

His fingers clenched around the paper, crumbling it ruthlessly. He flung it away from himself and stood up from the table so fast it tipped his chair over. The look on his wife's face as he stormed out of the room had been one of pure astonishment. She had come to him later with that hateful paper in hand. "You two used to be close friends. Are you upset that you found out he was gay through a newspaper?"

He laughed bitterly. "No."

"You'd known…?"

He hadn't answered. He could feel her watching him—scrutinizing. She wasn't a dumb woman. He heard her gasp a moment later as she finally figured it out for herself.

"Were you two-? I mean, I know you really love someone else, but is it-?" She stopped abruptly.

He glanced over at her to see her staring at him wide eyed. She looked like she was staring at a fish with two heads. "Yes," was all he said.

The paper fluttered to the floor. He heard her leave with a slam of the door. They didn't talk about it again, but that day changed their relationship. She became cold and distant. He hardly spoke more than 5 sentences to her on any given day. He had been forced to sleep in the guest bedroom. In her mind apparently liking men ranked him up there with people like rapists. It'd hurt him that she distained him more than he would have thought. Maybe he'd never loved her, but he did like her and valued her friendship. Apparently those things didn't include trust or forgiveness on her part though. They drifted apart to the point that Harumi noticed. It began to upset her. He remembered the conversation he had with his daughter about it.

"Daddy?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Do you not love Mommy?"

What was he supposed to say to an almost 5 year old with a question like that? He looked down into those earnest eyes trying to figure out what to say. Should he lie or be honest? He'd always endeavored to be honest with her. He'd hated being lied to as a child. He'd always thought just because he was little didn't mean he wouldn't understand. "No." He'd answered after a debate filled moment. He watched her expression crumble like he'd physically hurt her. He wished he'd lied as he cringed at her reaction. He pulled her into a tight hug.

"You love me, Daddy?"

"Yes, baby. So very much."

"Why not Mommy? I thought mommys and daddys loved each other." She sniffled.

"Not always," he replied gently. "Your mom and I had an arranged marriage. We were never in love."

"You love someone else?" She wiped her nose on her sleeve.

He closed his eyes and hugged her a little harder. "Yes, I do. Very much."

"Was it the man in the paper?"

Zak froze.

"I know about that, Daddy."

"Oh," he said stupidly.

"You gonna leave us?"

"No, baby."

"Not for him?"

He was silent for a moment. He would not tell her he was waiting for her to grow up so he could leave without repercussions. She was to young to have something like that told to her. "No," he answered with finality that she couldn't question.

She hugged him back hard. "I love you, Daddy." He smiled. She continued. "I want you happy. You're not happy."

He swallowed down the sudden urge to cry as the sweet words stabbed a hole into the aching wound of longing in his chest. He felt torn open and revealed in a way he had not experienced in a long time. He felt horribly vulnerable. His daughter said nothing else as he struggled to remember how to breathe past the pain in his chest.

After that life seemed to continue on in its slightly altered way. He still slept alone unless Harumi crawled in to sleep beside him. He didn't speak to his wife. He did his coaching job with as much passion as he could muster these days. He did enjoy helping young athletes reach their full potential. A year slipped by before he realized it.

Then one day he was sitting in the living room staring out the window watching his daughter playing in the front yard with her friends. He remembered his wife walking into the room, but staying close to the doorway. Neither one said anything for several minutes.

"I haven't been feeling well lately," she'd finally broken the silence.

He turned his head to look at her. "Are you pregnant?"

She scowled. "No."

"Oh," he didn't realize until a moment later that he'd accidentally implied she'd cheated on him. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright," she shrugged it off.

Another long silence. Zak turned back to the window.

"I have cancer."

His head whipped around to look at her in shock. "What!?"

"It's Lymphoma."

"Is it curable?"

"There's about a 50/50 chance of that."

"Fuck," he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "When do you start treatment?"

"Next week."

"Have you told Harumi yet?"

"No. I will tonight. I wanted to make sure I told you first."

He wanted to get up and hold her. He wanted to tell her he was sorry. He wanted to let her cry on his shoulder. He didn't do any of those things, because he didn't know if she would let him. She had been shunning his touch for so long. Why would she want it now? "Keiko," he lifted a hand as if to offer something, but not sure what. To his surprise, she came over. She sat in his lap, put her head on his shoulder, and sobbed. He pressed his cheek against her hair and held her tight.

Life after that became a parody of itself. Their time was taken up by treatments, hospital stays, and the slow decline of her health. Harumi and Zak watched as she slipped away a little more each day. Eventually, one morning, she was gone. It seemed like it happened so agonizingly slowly yet way to fast. She was suddenly not in his life anymore. He didn't know what to do. He realized he'd come to love her over the last few months. They'd been closer than they ever had in those few months than they had been during their entire marriage. They'd talked of everything—even his past relationship with Nakatsu. He had been with her through the worst moments of her treatments. He'd held her at night when she'd been in agony. He'd found his friend again in their quiet moments together. Now she wasn't there anymore. It was just him and Harumi. She needed her mommy. She was to young to have such tragedy in her life already. Zak wished he could take the hurt away from her. Somehow, he felt it was all his fault that this had happened. He should have been a better husband. He should have learned to love her sooner. Had his callous behavior led to her bad health? His guilt began to eat at him.

He had to stop coaching for a while. He needed some time to grieve and to try to put his life back in order. He didn't know what to do with himself. It was like he couldn't remember how to laugh or smile anymore. He hadn't been happy in so long that he didn't know if knew how to anymore. He knew his behavior was hurting Harumi. He needed help. He needed a distraction—a purpose back in his life. Thinking of going back to Nakatsu made him cringe inside. He wanted to so badly, but then the guilt of Keiko's death would overcome him. She'd have hated him if he'd left her for Nakatsu.

Somehow 6 months passed by before he was forced to realize he needed to go back to work. He couldn't afford not to anymore. He didn't want to go back to his old job though. He needed a change of pace. He needed a way to break out of this depression and guilt that was threatening to suffocate his life. He began to send out his resume to several colleges again, hoping one of them would bite. He finally got a reply…


	2. The Right Man

When Osaka High School suddenly lost its high jump coach the school was at a loss of what to do. It had been a long time since they had to do any hiring, particularly in the coaching staff, that they weren't sure who to ask to take the job. Every single one of their previous coaches had been alumni or related to a previous family member who had been part of the staff there. Now suddenly, after the death of one of their favorite old coaches, they were drawing a blank. So naturally, when Umeda heard about the indecision on filling the position he decided to step in. Normally, they may have been less inclined to listen to him. This was due to his many indiscretions over the years, but this time he had a made a valid, good suggestion. Of course, it was Umeda who had to make the call to see if this person would even be interested.

So Umeda had sat at his desk while the phone rang on the other side. He hoped someone would pick up the phone before the desperate need for a cigarette ruined his patience.

"Sano residence," a chirpy feminine voice answered the line.

"Hello, Mizuki-."

"Umeda-sensei!" She shrieked in his ear. He winced as she continued her excited chatter. "Oh, it's so good to hear from you! It's been a long time! I was just talking about you the other day and wondered how you were doing. How are you?"

"I'm good, Mizuki." He replied with a smile. He was glad she had started acting like a girl again as soon as she left Osaka High. He'd been a little afraid it'd be hard for her to drop some of the more disgusting or annoying male habits she'd had to adopt in order to survive. He need not have worried. Now, she was married to Izumi Sano, a mother of two, and dog trainer like she'd wanted to be. He was happy for her. She'd gotten her fairy tale ending.

They chatted for a few minutes just like old times when they'd sat at his desk with cups of tea or coffee discussing her life. It made him feel old, remembering the teenager she had been, while he talked to the adult she was now. He shrugged off the sensation and finally allowed himself to get to the point.

"Mizuki, I need to speak to Sano. It's rather important." Umeda said.

"Oh, sure. He's around here somewhere. Lemme go find him. Hold on."

The phone was put down for a few minutes. Umeda waited as patiently as possible while the itch for a smoke continued to tug annoyingly in his mind.

"Sano Izumi," a smooth male voice greeted Umeda's ears.

"Sano, it's Umeda Hokuto."

"It's been a while."

"That it has." Umeda took a deep breath as he tried to coordinate what he wanted to say in his mind. "I have something I would like to discuss with you. Do you have some time to talk?"

"Yes, I do long as it doesn't take too long."

"It shouldn't." Umeda replied evenly.

"Then go ahead," Sano responded.

Ah, Sano, always straight to the point. He'd always liked that about the boy…man. Shit. Damn, kids growing up on him. He briefly explained about Osaka's predicament. "The board would like me to offer you the position of high jump coach here if you are interested in taking it." He finished.

Sano was quiet for a moment. "Let me think about it and discuss it with Mizuki. I will get back to you by tomorrow."

Umeda ended the phone call shortly after with the usual polite conversation enders. He hated having to wait for anything, but he conceded that Sano had a right to some time to make this decision. He could wait until tomorrow.

It was well after school was over, Umeda was getting ready to leave, when the phone finally rang again. He answered and was pleased to hear Sano on the other end of the line. He didn't bother with pleasantries this time around. He jumped straight to the point.

"So have you decided?" the doctor asked.

"I can't take the job." Sano answered after a moment.

"Well, that is a shame," Umeda remarked, feeling a little annoyed but more disappointed than anything.

There was an awkward pause.

"It's not that I don't want the job," Sano felt a need to explain himself. "But Mizuki has her business established here and I'm enjoying coaching where I'm at right now. I feel that uprooting my family would be unfair. I know that she would probably be thrilled to have me work there, but I have to think about what's best for all of us."

"That's perfectly understandable. Family is important," Umeda replied sincerely. "It would have been nice to have you here."

Another pause followed.

"Do you know of anyone else who might be interested in taking the job?" the doctor asked out of curiosity.

Sano was silent for a moment as he thought. Umeda could hear him tapping his hands on something wooden as he contemplated. He supposed it was probably the side table the phone was kept on since he'd visited their home a few times and knew the layout. "There is someone…," Sano began slowly.

"Oh?"

"I just don't know what kind of state he's in at the moment," Sano tried to tell the doctor delicately.

"Who are we talking about?" Umeda asked suspiciously.

"Kagurazaka Makato," Sano answered.

"Hmmm," Umeda tapped his lip as he thought. The thought of that particular high jumper for the job had not crossed his mind. He had his doubts though. "His wife died recently, didn't she?"

"Yes, from cancer."

"How is he?"

"I'm not quite sure. We spoke not too long ago at a conference. He acted like he was alright, but I could tell he wasn't. He was subdued and quiet. There was none of his usual fire in his attitude. Ask him though. You never know," Sano shrugged even though Umeda couldn't see it.

"It's a good suggestion," the doctor remarked, "Thank you for your time. Tell Mizuki I will come visit again soon."

"Sure. Talk to you later. Bye."

"Bye."

That was the end of that. Umeda sat back in his chair and thought. Kagurazaka…

There was no doubt the man was an excellent coach. He'd already been employed by one of the top colleges in the country. Umeda didn't think the high jumper would leave a job like that though to coach for Osaka. Not to mention, there was a lot of memories for the man here at this school. It might be difficult for him to work here. Sano had said to ask. Perhaps he sensed or knew something about Kagurazaka that Umeda didn't know.

It took him a while (several days actually) to acquire the high jumper's telephone number. Once again, he sat at his desk with a mug of coffee next to his hand while the phone rang in his ear. This time the phone was answered quicker.

"Kagurazaka."

"Kagurazka Makato, this Umeda Hokuto from Osaka High School," the doctor introduced himself.

There was a pause as the high jumper processed that information. "The school doctor?"

"Yes, the very same," Umeda couldn't help but smile.

"You still work there?" Kagurazaka asked in semi-surprise.

"I've no idea where else I'd work at this point in my life," the doctor replied a tad sarcastically.

The high jumper cleared his throat. "Sorry, that was rude. How can I help you?"

"Sano Izumi told me to call you."

Kagurazaka felt his stomach drop in a touch of dread. Why would the other high jumper tell this man to call him? Did something else happen…? "Go ahead."

Umeda once more explained Osaka's predicament; as he talked the tension slowly drained out the high jumper. For a horrifying second, all his mind had been able to think was something terrible had happened to someone else he cared for. He didn't even dare think too hard on who he thought might be hurt. He didn't need to. His subconscious knew the answer instinctively.

"Normally, only alumni or relatives of staff work here so I'm taking a bit of a leap asking this…Kagurazaka would you be interested in coaching high jumping at Osaka?" Umeda finally finished and stopped to wait for the answer.

The high jumper didn't answer for a minute or so. His mind was busy spinning in circles over old, fond memories that panged in his chest. A brief sharp memory of a blond sitting by his side in Osaka's bleachers made him smile sadly. "I've no job right at the moment," he heard himself saying. "I went on hiatus from M University after my wife's death. I needed some time."

"Completely understandable."

The memories still continued to slide by behind his eyes, still so vivid. It suddenly hurt to breathe and he took a shuddering breath.

"I know it's hard to ask this of you," Umeda spoke softly in his ear. "I know it may be difficult for you to work here. There are a lot of old memories tied to this place for you. However, we really could use your help. You may not have gone to school here, but you have a history here. We'd be honored to have you coach here."

Kagurazaka worked his jaw. He needed something to do with himself. He needed a new purpose in life again. It was kind of ironic that this was the school he was hearing back from, after sending his resume out to all corners of Japan. Yet, he had desired a change in his life. Perhaps this was fate or maybe some twisted kind of humor of a higher being. This was a tough choice though. It was taking a step forward by going a step in to the past, or at least it felt that way to him.

He watched as his daughter played on the floor with one of her dolls. She deserved more from him. She deserved to have all of her father back, not just this half a person he'd been masquerading as for the last 6 months. This could be the best opportunity for the both of them to start over new. He made up his mind.

"I'll take the job." Kagurazaka answered determinedly.

Umeda blinked a little in surprise, taking the phone away from his ear for a second to look at it in shock. There had been a lot of emotion packed into that answer. "Thank you. I really appreciate it. Osaka will be happy to have you. The school board will contact you with in the week about when you start and all the other formalities such as properly offering you the position."

"Alright." The high jumper took a deep breath. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. I will talk with you again soon." Umeda hung up the phone.

The fun part was going to be telling the school board that he'd found a coach…just not Sano Izumi. He felt good about getting Kagurazaka to do the job though. It had felt like the right thing to do. He took a big gulp of coffee before getting up to head to the principal's office. This would be an entertaining conversation if nothing else. He was determined to make sure Kagurazaka got hired by the school though since he'd already extended the offer. He didn't go back on anything once he started. Besides, the high jumper was an excellent choice for the job. They'd agree to his side again even if he had to force them too…

/

It may not be a proven fact, but when bad things happen they always seem to happen in threes. So when one of the dorms in Osaka High happened to catch fire, Umeda knew that something else was lurking right around the corner. It came in the form of another one of their coaches—the one in charge of Track and Field, Soccer, and Volleyball. The man was teaching how to properly perform some kick for the Soccer team when he slipped in the damp grass and broke his leg. Really, it was a silly sort of accident, but it tallied up to three. Once again, Osaka was down a coach. The man was older and decided to take the accident as a sign that it was time to retire. Since Umeda did such a good job finding someone to fill the other coach position they figured he could find another replacement as well. Umeda had to wonder why he even bothered to open his mouth sometimes. It just seemed to earn him trouble or more work. Neither one was desirable in his book.

Umeda had no clue who might be interested in taking the job. He stewed over the possibilities for a few days and came up with nothing. Finally, out of exasperation, he called Sano again. He was hoping the guy might know someone who would like the job since he was still very much involved in the athletic world. He was grateful when it was Sano who picked up this time and not Mizuki. He loved her like a sister, but he didn't really have to time to chat at the moment.

"Sano residence," the younger man answered the phone.

"Sano, it's Umeda Hokuto," the doctor replied shortly.

"Calling twice in a month, that's a surprise," Sano remarked.

Umeda rolled his eyes. "I need some help again."

"I'm not coaching for Osaka."

"It's not about you. Egotistical kids," Umeda grumbled.

"You do realize I'm 27 now…"

Umeda ignored that remark. "We do have another coaching position that has opened-."

"What's happening to all the coaches over there? I'd be afraid to take the job out of fear of it being cursed," Sano said with smug amusement.

"It's not cursed. Our coaches were just old. They were practically dinosaurs." Umeda said sarcastically.

"So who was it this time?"

"The soccer coach," the doctor replied.

Sano was quiet for a moment. "That's rather ironic."

"I know."

"First, did Kagurazaka take the other coaching job?"

"Yes, he did. To my surprise," Umeda answered.

Sano hummed as he thought. "There is someone who might be interested in being the soccer coach. However, with Kagurazaka already there it could cause problems."

"How so? Who are you talking about?" Umeda already had a sneaking suspicion who that might be though.

"Nakatsu." Sano said.

Umeda sighed heavily. "That could be a huge issue."

"Yes, but he's more than qualified even if he doesn't have a college degree." Sano pointed out.

"Well, 2 Olympic medals and 2 World Cups better make the kid qualified to teach soccer." Umeda replied sardonically. "Putting those two together again though…"

"Especially since neither one has spoken to each other in a few years."

"What makes you think Nakatsu would want the job?"

Sano tapped the table by the phone receiver. "He's a little worn out from the professional circuit. He's looking for a bit of a break. But you know how he is. He can't just stop everything and sit still. So he needs something to do."

"This job would be perfect for that." Umeda muttered as he thought it over. "I wonder if they could work together professionally. Or would it be like throwing two rabid wolverines into the same pen and watching the ensuing bloodshed?"

"They are adults now."

"Age wise anyways."

"Nakatsu might refuse if he knows Kagurazaka is there already."

Umeda tapped a pen on the top of his desk as he mulled over that point. "Don't tell him."

"Why are you making it sound like it's me that has to do this now?"

"Are you offering?"

"Seriously? You called to ask if I knew anyone and I do. I'm not doing your job for you!" Sano snapped irritably.

"Fine fine. Do you have his phone number?"

Sano dug out his address book from the table drawer and promptly gave the number to Umeda. "Tell him I recommended him for the job. Maybe that'll help change his mind."

"We'll see. Thank you for the help."

"No problem. Bye."

Umeda glared at the phone as the line went dead. "Damn kids." He decided not to wait to call Nakatsu. He dialed in the number and listened to the line ring. He was about to hang up when it was suddenly answered.

"Nakatsu," the younger man's voice rang in Umeda's ear. It had been a long time since he'd heard this boy's voice. The years had changed it a little. He sounded older as he should now. This was no longer a boy, but a man. Umeda once again had the sensation of feeling older than he really was.

"It's Umeda Hokuto," the doctor introduced himself.

There was a short silence.

"Sensei?" Nakatsu asked in disbelief.

"I'm not your sensei anymore."

"It's been a really long time! How are you?" Nakatsu sounded happy to hear his voice.

Umeda couldn't help, but smile at the younger man's enthusiasm. Nakatsu's passion had always been what drew people to him. "I'm doing alright. Same old job, same old school."

"You don't sound like you mind too much." Nakatsu replied.

"No, not so much."

"What can I do for you, Umeda-sensei?" Nakatsu asked. "I'm sure you didn't call just to chat."

"No, I didn't. I have a proposition for you," the doctor answered smoothly. He went about explaining the situation and trying to ignore the sense of déjà vu as he did. When he was finished, he offered Nakatsu the job then waited to see what the younger man would say.

"It sounds like fun," Umeda could hear the smile in Nakatsu's voice. "Would I just be teaching soccer?"

Umeda went about explaining the rest of the job, the salary, and the benefits.

"I'm not too concerned about the money. I'm just looking for something different to do for a little while," Nakatsu remarked. "I don't know if I'm the right person for the job though. I don't know much about Track and Field. I'm only semi decent at Volleyball."

"Well, you know how to run, don't you?"

"Yes."

"That's all you need to know to coach that, mostly…Besides the senior coaches can help you out with the rest of it. Mostly, they just want a good soccer coach. They'd be thrilled to have you teach here. After all, you are a very famous Alumni." Umea pointed out. He was even pleased with himself at how well he'd bull shitted that.

"Let me think about it, Umeda-sensei." Nakatsu spoke up after a short moment of silence.

Umeda decided it'd be best to play his tromp card now. "Listen, Nakatsu, when I was trying to find someone to fill in for this job I called Sano first. I thought he might know of someone who'd like to have it. He highly recommended you to me. He seemed pretty confident in your ability to coach these kids—no matter the sport."

"Really?" Nakatsu said with a touch of surprise.

"Really." Mostly, he thought with a smirk.

Nakatsu made up his mind in an instant. "Alright, then. I'll do it."

Umeda clenched his fist and raised it in the air in a gesture of victory. "Good. I'm glad. It will be nice to see you here again. The school board will contact you to officially offer you the job, but we both know you already have it."

"Great! I look forward to it. When do I need to be there?"

"This Monday probably. The board will let you know for sure though."

"I'll be there whenever they want me to."

"See you soon, Nakatsu."

"See yah!"

They hung up their respective phones. Umeda sagged into his chair in relief. He hadn't thought that'd go so well. He was pleased with himself. He had managed to rope in two of the most famous athletes in the country to coach at Osaka. It was something like a miracle. Yet, he knew the hard part wasn't over. Would the two still agree to work here if they knew they'd be working together? He didn't know the whole story on why Kagurazaka and Nakatsu had broken up. All he knew was that it had been pretty devastating to the both of them. He was sure there was going to be some issues when they realized they were both working together. He hoped that their age had tempered their sometimes explosive attitudes a little. Otherwise, there really might be bloodshed and he'd be the one responsible for causing it. Well, there was nothing to do now but wait and see. He got up to go deliver the news of the new hire to the principal. Things were about to get very interesting in a week. Somehow, he knew he was going to be caught right in the thick of it too. He hoped that he hadn't just made a huge mistake.


	3. Reunion

I miss the years that were erased

I miss the way the way the sunshine would light up your face

I miss all the little things

I never thought that they'd mean everything to me

Yeah, I miss you and I wish you here

So far away from where you are

These miles have torn us worlds apart

And I miss you, yeah, I miss you

And I wish you were here

-From Where You Are, By: Lifehouse

The moment Nakatsu stepped foot back on to the Osaka High School campus it was like déjà vu. He felt like he'd been transported back in time. He felt like a teenager again. It seemed like only yesterday he'd left. It was so weird. It felt like nothing had changed at all. The school, the grounds, and the courtyard all looked the same. He felt like he was coming home. A big smile spread across his face before he realized it was even there.

He walked slowly across the courtyard, letting his eyes slid over every familiar corner. There was the bench he and Mizuki used to sit on all the time. That was where he realized he was in love with her before he knew she was a 'her.' That thought still made him laugh. The love he had for her was nothing like what he'd felt for…He left that thought unfinished. He didn't want to feel depressed today. This was a good day. He felt great. He was home again; no longer as a student, but now as a coach.

His attention was suddenly caught by the slamming of a door. He looked over to see someone walking out from the arch overhang that led into the school. The glint of mahogany hair in the sunlight was enough to tell him who it was even from this distance. He picked up his pace, hurrying to catch up with the man, but not wanting to run. It was a little undignified to be running up to people like an overexcited puppy at his age. Even so, he was half jogging before he finally managed to reach his intended target.

"Umeda-sensei!" He cried, exuberantly.

Umeda barely had enough time to turn around to see who was addressing him before Nakatsu threw his arms around the doctor and hugged him tight. He didn't know why he did it. He was just so happy to see the man. Umeda was really the one who'd gotten Nakatsu's professional soccer career started by helping to get him into K University. Without the doctor's help, he may never have gotten to where he was today. This man meant a lot to him. So it didn't really surprise him that he'd wanted to hug the man after not seeing him for years. What did surprise him was the sudden rush of swooping heat that raced through him and settled heavy in his gut. He drew back quickly, managing to keep his smile, trying cover up his shock at the bizarre reaction.

Umeda blinked at him in surprise before smiling back. "Nakatsu-sensei." The doctor acknowledged him.

The soccer player felt a thrill of pleasure and excitement replacing the previous heat in his stomach. "Nakatsu-sensei…," he laughed. "That's my first time hearing that. It sounds so weird. I never thought I'd be a teacher."

"Well, technically, you're a coach," Umeda replied a touch sarcastically.

"Whatever I am, I'm teaching soccer!" Nakatsu exclaimed happily. "It's good to see you, Umeda-san."

"It's good to see you too. You're looking very well. Sano, made it sound like you'd run yourself into the ground." The doctor remarked, reaching into his pocket for his pack of cigarettes.

Nakatsu chuckled. "Of course he would. No, I was just a little tired of the professional arena. I needed some time off before I started to get sick of playing soccer."

"I didn't think it was possible."

"Me either, until the pressure started to get to be a bit too much." Nakatsu admitted a little sadly. He brightened up immediately. "Coaching sounds like so much fun though."

"I think you'll be a great coach." Umeda said sincerely.

"Thanks." Nakatsu smiled.

A moment of quiet passed as Umeda shook out a cigarette, placed it between his lips, and lite it. The snick of the lighter sparking to life drew Nakatsu's eyes over to the other man. Umeda was slightly bent over, cupping his hand around the lighter as the smoke dipped down into the tiny flame. The flickering light turned the doctor's eye color to warm caramel brown and created yellow highlights in his mahogany hair. Nakatsu suddenly realized how beautiful the man was. That swooping sensation rushed through him again. It was the first time he'd ever noticed that the doctor was actually incredibly good looking.

What the hell!He thought in shock.

"Well, I know you have a meeting to get to," Umeda pointed out.

Nakatsu glanced down at his watch in sudden panic. "Shit! You're right! It was great seeing you, Umeda-sensei!"

"We'll be seeing a lot of each other, Nakatsu. Don't be so formal." The doctor smirked around his cigarette.

"Right, uh, I'll see you later then," Nakatsu grinned before turning to race up the steps of the school.

"Later." Umeda's words followed after him.

Shit, Nakatsu thought, as he sprinted through the hallways of the school. He couldn't believe he was gonna be late for his first meeting with the principal. He'd even come early to make sure that wouldn't happen. He'd let his memories of this place slow his footsteps. It wasn't like he could just ignore Umeda either. He'd had to at least stop to say hello. He was still a little weirded out by the reaction he'd had to Umeda. He definitely noticed now that the man looked like he hadn't aged a day. He remembered hearing about all the love letters the doctor used to get from students. When he'd been in school he'd scoffed at that. Now, he could definitely see why the man was popular. He felt like a bit of an idiot.

Crap, c'monNakatsu! He berated himself. Stop thinking with your dick for 5 seconds!

In a matter of minutes, he found himself in front of the principal's door in spite of his wayward thoughts. He stopped, frozen, in front of that door as the memories from high school once again came rushing back. The only other time he'd ever stood in front of this door was when he'd been accused of cheating. He remembered how terrified he'd been then of being expelled. The same fear settled like a fist around his stomach. It was such a stupid, irrational fear. He took a deep breath and forced the feeling away. He was not a child anymore. He was an adult. He knocked on the door firmly, with his resolve and confidence back intact.

"Ah, I'm glad you could make it, Nakatsu-san!" The principal greeted him with a big smile as soon as he opened the door.

"Hello, Nakamura-sensei. I'm sorry I'm late. I stopped to say hello to Umeda-san. It's been a long time," Nakatsu returned the smile and offered his hand.

The principal took his hand and shook it. "It has, indeed. I'm sure the doctor was pleased to see you. You've grown into a fine young man. We're proud to have you on our teaching staff."

"Thank you, Nakamura-san." The blond said sincerely.

"Please, come in! Our other new coach is here too. I thought it best to have you both here together so I could explain everything properly all at once. I'm sure you'll be pleased to be working with him, since you already know him." The principal said as he led Nakatsu further into the room. Nakatsu frowned at that last part. Umeda hadn't mentioned another new coach being hired. How could he know who that man was then? Who the hell-? "For the sake of politeness though, I'll make the introductions for you both…"

Nakatsu didn't hear anything after that. His brain had short circuited. He saw a man sitting in the other chair in front of the principal's desk. Something inside him instantly recognized who it was, even from behind. His heart began to speed up as the man stood and turned to face him. It couldn't be…

"Nakatsu-san, this is Kagurazaka-san, the other coach. He'll be coaching high jump and…," The principal's words cut back in like a bad radio signal then were tuned back out immediately.

Oh my God, Nakatsu's heart felt like it had stopped.

Kagurazaka's polite smile was frozen onto his face in equal, open shock.

They both froze when their eyes met. It was the first time they'd locked eyes in 6 years. Even at the last Olympics they had only glanced furtively at each other. Now, they stared. It had been a very long time. They had both changed so much. Kagurazaka looked older than his 28 years and care worn, yet still just has handsome as Nakatsu remembered. Zak had gained weight and filled out since his retirement from high jumping. He was still in good shape, but no longer had the high toned athletic physique. His hair that had once been glued into a spiked position now lay about his ears and face in a messy, bed head kind of fashion. Nakatsu had to swallow hard against the vivid reminder of so many mornings waking up to that messy hair, biting kisses, and wandering hands. A rush of emotion so intense left him breathless and almost sick by the strength of it. He caught sight of the wedding band on his once lover's finger. He forced his eyes away from it. He hated the tide of bitter anger that wedding band brought on.

Kagurazaka's gaze dragged over Nakatsu's body like a starved, wild thing. The soccer player's face had lost the softness of teenage youth and gained a strong jaw line. The face Zak had loved had changed from boyish to handsome through the years. Hair that had once been bleached blond was now shaggy around his eyes, covering his ears, with a hint of blond highlights shot through it. It was like Nakatsu couldn't bear to lose the blond hair completely. That thought made Zak smile. The soccer player's body was still lean, toned, and in perfect athletic condition. Of course it would be. Nakatsu would always be a soccer player. He'd never be able to sit still long enough to languish like Zak had. A rush of bitter need rose in his chest, making him feel sick. Nakatsu looked so good—older and handsome. The intensity of the desire and the guilty Zak had from wanting the blond settled heavily in his gut. His wife hadn't even been dead a year, and he was already betraying her memory. He flinched, and looked away to stare at the principal. The man was watching them like they were two wild cats about to fight over territory.

"Kagurazaka."

Nakatsu's voice drew the high jumper's eyes to him. He swallowed hard. "Nakatsu." The name was like a prayer on his lips; one he hadn't uttered in a long time.

"Well, I'm glad to see the two of you remember each other," the principal's words startled them both. He seemed not to notice that the two men had momentarily forgotten he was there. "Please, sit." He gestured to the chairs. "We have a lot to discuss. There will be plenty of time for catching up later, I'm sure."

"Of course," Kagurazaka managed to get out, finally able to tear his gaze away from Nakatsu's face and resume his seat.

Nakatsu blinked in surprise at the polite words that had just come out of Zak's mouth. Since when did the guy do polite? He didn't have any more time to contemplate that thought as the principal began to explain their new jobs in detail.

/

"Well, now that the unpleasant formalities are taken care of and the contracts are signed, I'd like to show you both around the school. " The principal stood up from behind the desk. It had been more than an hour of going over responsibilities, signing papers, and explaining everything else. In that time, neither Kagurazaka nor Nakatsu had spoken a word to each other. Once again, the principal seemed to not notice. "I'm sure you know the school grounds very well, Nakatsu, however things have changed and Kagurazaka is not familiar with the school. So I think it would be best to give you both a thorough tour. Follow me, please."

Both men stood up and followed after the principal. Nakatsu hoped he wasn't the only one that felt a little like a chastened child as he followed in Nakamura-san's wake.

"It's so great to have you two here! It's such an honor to have such famous athletes at our humble school to coach our students. We already sent out our welcoming letters to the students informing them about both of you joining our faculty. We had quite the excited response. All the students are very anxious to meet you," the principal was saying as they walked through the hallways.

"It's my pleasure, really," Nakatsu smiled awkwardly, studiously avoiding looking

over at Kagurazaka. "I'm happy to be back at my old high school. "

"Yes, I am sure this place holds a lot of sentimental value to you," Nakamura replied. "We are always happy to have our alumni come back to us. I am also equally certain you will enjoy working on our campus as well, Kagurazaka-san, despite this school not being quite as familiar to you." He didn't see the two men flinch at that remark as he reached a door leading outside to the athletic field.

"I'm sure," the high jumper gave a tight smile. "I've always enjoyed working with aspiring young athletes."

The principal pushed the door open and paused to gaze back at them. "I am certain you are both exciting to be working together. I understand it's been some time since you've been close due to difficult circumstances."

Both refused to look at each other. They both managed some polite meaningless reply to cover up the tension growing thicker between them. It seemed to work, because Nakamura smiled again before leading them outside. Nakatsu tried to ignore the way Kagurazaka's fingers had reached up quickly to twist his wedding ring around his finger as soon as the man's back was turned. Nakatsu had to fist his hands until his nails bit into his palms to tamp down the urge to rip that damn ring off the high jumper's finger and chuck it as far as he could.

"Please, follow me." The principal was saying. "I will show the facilities you will be working in. Nakatsu-san, I'm sure you will be impressed by the changes we've made since your time here…"

Kagurazaka and Nakatsu followed in his wake, doing their best to be polite, while trying to stay as far from each other as possible without being overly obvious. The tour went as smoothly as it could under the circumstances. The facilities had, indeed, under gone an impressive change since both men had been there last. The old bleacher seats had been replaced with newer plastic ones, the old track had been torn up and replaced with a better running surface, the locker rooms had been re-modeled to make it more open (just going in there had made the two men so uncomfortable they practically ran to get out), and many other smaller equipment improvements. The principal kept up a steady stream of chatter that didn't require much feedback from either man, much to their relief.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, they started to walk back towards the school by way of the courtyard. It was the long way around, but the principal was still showing them all the improvements to the main school building and surrounding area along the way. Time seemed to drag as the principal continued to talk. The man was more of a chatter box than he appeared. It was late in the afternoon when they all finally returned to the office.

"Well, gentlemen, it was a pleasure to see you both. I am looking forward to having you here. I am sure you will both do an excellent job. As a reminder, school starts next Monday. Until then, the other coaches will be here every day from 8-4pm. I have informed them that you'll both be starting as of tomorrow. They are looking forward to meeting you. There will be a formal staff meeting on Saturday afternoon to introduce you to the rest of the teaching staff. I look forward to seeing each of you then. Have a good day, gentleman," The principal smiled as he dismissed them.

Nakatsu had never been more grateful for anything in his life. He walked as calmly as possible to the door, before taking off down the hall like his ass was on fire. He didn't care how undignified he looked. He could not bear to spend another moment in Kagurazaka's presence. He was in such a hurry that he didn't even notice Zak storming off in the opposite direction down the hall.

/

Umeda wasn't at all surprised when Kagurazaka suddenly slammed open his clinic door. For a brief moment, he thought it was Akiha and started reaching for a coffee cup to throw out of sheer reflex. He blinked when he saw the high jumper standing there looking just a touch wild eyed. He dropped his hand back down on the desk and waited. He didn't have to wait very long.

"Did you know when you asked me to take this coaching job that I would be working alongside Nakatsu?" The high jumper asked crossly, striding across the room to stand in front of the doctor's desk.

Umeda had to blink, because although he was expecting the question he'd expected to get it yelled at him. Kagurazaka had once been known for his fiercely hot temper and his smart, loud mouth. This man was upset, but the usual fire of his temper had been diminished. It was like the ire was there, but it didn't know how to get out. Suddenly, he completely understood what Sano had meant about this man not being the same anymore. "No, I didn't." He answered truthfully.

Kagurazaka pulled out the chair in front of the doctor's desk and sat down heavily. "Was he hired after I was?"

"Yes."

"Did you hire him?"

"Not technically." Umeda replied easily, reaching for his coffee cup.

The high jumper scowled at him. The small show of temper pleased the doctor for some weird reason.

"But you were the one who asked him?"

Umeda took a sip of his coffee before answering. "Yes, I was."

Kagurazaka abruptly stood back up. "Son of a bitch." He paced across the room, turning towards the window, as he covered his face with his hands. "Why?"

"Because we needed a good soccer coach and there is no one better qualified then he is. I had hoped as adults that you two would at least be able to work together in a civil manner. You're both professionals." Umeda answered. He was mostly truthful about his intentions.

"And nothing else?" The high jumper asked, dropping his hands and glancing back at him.

The doctor shrugged. "What else would there be?"

Kagurazaka narrowed his eyes suspiciously before coming to sit back down. The previous show of temper seemed to evaporate as he sunk into the chair. He suddenly looked very tired and care worn. "I don't think I can work with him."

Umeda felt a wave of sympathy for the poor man across from him. "Why?"

The two stared at each other as Kagurazaka struggled to decide whether he could answer that inquiry honestly. "It hurts to see him."

If there was one thing Umeda understood it was a broken heart. "It's more than that though." He stated.

Kagurazaka licked his dry lips and took a deep breath. "I promised him a lot of things. But I…I just can't. I promised her a lot of thing too. She deserved better. I feel like if I'd just been better…" He cut off immediately.

"You feel guilty and you can't deal with it." Umeda pieced together rather easily.

The high jumper stood up quickly, intent to get out of there—now! He hadn't meant to say all that. He didn't know why he had. He'd left himself far too open and vulnerable in front of a man he really didn't know that well.

"You're a grown man," The doctor's words stopped him in his tracks. "This is a job. It doesn't have to be anything else."

"I don't think I can look at it that way."

"At least, give this job a try. Do it for the sake of the students here who are looking forward to training under an Olympic level coach. You owe it to them and yourself to give it a shot. If you just can't handle it after a month then go. I know you came here looking for something. Whatever it was that's your business, but don't quit before you've even started." Umeda spoke sternly. If there was one thing he didn't like, it was quitters; and he knew that Kagurazaka was no quitter. He never would have gotten to the Olympics if he was that way. Umeda watched the other man's shoulders droop as the words sank in.

"One month?"

"Yes."

Kagurazaka reached out and opened the door. "I'll try." A moment later, he was gone and the door swung softly shut in his wake.

/

It wasn't Umeda, Nakatsu went to rage at as soon as he was able to get away from the school; he had someone else entirely to blame for the predicament he was in. He stormed all the way back to his newly acquired apartment near the school. Soon as he was inside his home with the door shut and locked behind him, he picked up the phone and dialed.

"You son of a bitch! You set me up!" Nakatsu snapped, as soon as Sano answered the phone.

"With what?" Sano sounded unconcerned.

"This job! 'Take it,' you said. 'It'll be good for you.' That's because you knew they'd hired Zak before me! You recommended me to Umeda for second coaching position knowing that!" Nakatsu half shouted, letting his anger and panic over take his rational mind. He'd been holding it back all day and he just couldn't anymore.

Sano sighed. "Yes, I did."

"Why would you do that!"

"Revenge for making me share an apartment with you two." Sano replied evenly, though Nakatsu knew the guy was just screwing with him.

"That's not funny."

"It was a little." When Nakatsu said nothing, Sano blew out an irritated breath. "Kagurazaka's wife is dead. She's been gone for a year. He's been spiraling downhill. I recommended him for the job too. They'd originally asked me."

"Oh…" Nakatsu had to take a moment to process that information. How had he not heard of this before? "Ok…him, I get. Why suggest me for this job?"

"Because you're perfect for the job. I also think you two need to stop this stupid charade you've kept up for the last 6 years. This job forces you guys to be around each other so maybe you guys can figure shit out. Your attitudes are annoying. Plus, Kagurazaka needs help right now. You're the best person for that." Sano explained as simply as possible.

Nakatsu gritted his teeth. "I don't appreciate you getting involved with my personal business like that."

"I'm your friend. That's what friends do. You can thank me later," Sano answered smugly, much to Nakatsu's irritation.

Nakatsu sank down onto his couch. His anger dissolved, and other emotions began to seep to the surface. "I don't think I can take this. It hurts. He's still wearing his wedding band."

"That's exactly why you need to talk to him."

"We can barely look at each other let alone carry on a conversation. Besides he had plenty of time try to contact me if he still felt something for me, and he didn't. He broke his promise which shows me that he doesn't care about me anymore. After everything…" Nakatsu cut himself off before his words could betray him.

"Bullshit." Sano snapped. Nakatsu could picture him rolling his eyes.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. You've no idea what he's thinking or why. It is not a good idea to assume you already know the answer before you've even asked the question."

"So what then?" Nakatsu scowled. "Walk over and say 'hey, it's been a while and you promised to come back to me. What the hell happened?'"

Sano was silent.

"Oh for fuck's sake! I'm not doing that! I've spent the last 6 years of my life being miserable because of that bastard!" Nakatsu snarled.

"Don't you think he probably felt the same?"

Nakatsu squeezed the phone so tight he heard the plastic crack. "No! Obviously, he got on well enough with his wife to make a kid together!"

Sano sighed for what felt like the umpteenth time. His friend was being unreasonable. He couldn't really blame Nakatsu for that though. "Do you still love him?"

Nakatsu tensed at the question. "I don't know!"

"It's a yes or no answer." Sano said curtly.

"Yes!" Nakatsu said loudly. "You happy?"

"Are you?"

"No."

"Then fix this mess." Sano said and hung up the phone.

Nakatsu pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at the phone in shock. Sano's words rang in his ears and settled like a weight on his chest. Fix it, huh? How was he supposed to do that? He didn't know what to do. He was still desperately in love with Zak. Seeing him today had startled him right down to his soul. There had been a fierce, brief thrill of joy at the sight of the man he loved. The feeling had gripped his emotions so tight that he'd felt it in his chest and gut. A moment later, that was swept away with the pain of separation, love, and longing he'd kept bottled up for years. He'd been able to read the same feelings in Zak's eyes before that'd been over taken by sickening guilt. That had brought a bitter taste to Nakatsu's mouth. He was no longer the most important person in Zak's life. He'd been replaced. There was no point fixing something that couldn't be fixed… right?

The phone was placed gently back onto its cradle as Nakatsu continued to think about all Sano had said. He chewed his lip as he considered that Zak was hurting. Why wouldn't he be? The woman he was married to passed away and left him with a daughter to care for. That had to at least be scary. He felt crappy, suddenly, for being so selfish about his own feelings. Maybe Zak had been longing for him just as desperately. Nakatsu sighed. He had no way of knowing just like Sano had said. They had been away from each other so long that he couldn't read Zak the way he used. They had both changed so much. That realization, alone, was enough to frighten him and make him wonder if anything could be done. Maybe, they just weren't meant to be together anymore.

He took a shaky breath. It didn't matter how he felt. He was committed to this job now. He'd agreed to be hired and by doing so he'd made a contract with himself not to back out of this job. He owed the kids he was going to coach, even if he hadn't met them yet. He knew they were expecting him and were probably very excited about it. He couldn't disappoint them; not because of his own screwed up problems with Zak. He resolved to do his best. He'd figure out how to work with Zak. He'd make it work.

Some how.


	4. Nothing to Bring You Back

Friday night, I just got back  
Had my eyes shut, was dreamin' 'bout the past  
I thought about you while the radio played  
I shoulda got loaded, some reason I stayed

I started drifting to a different place  
I realized I was fallin' off the face of the world  
And there was nothing there to bring you back

Cuz you're a million miles away  
A million miles away  
And there's nothing there to bring you back today  
Today, oh no

I took a ride way downtown  
The streets were empty, there was no one around  
I went to places that we used to go  
Seen all the faces that we used to know

I'm at the wrong end of the looking-glass  
I tried to hold onto the hand of the past and then you  
And there's nothing there to bring you back

Cuz you're a million miles away  
A million miles away  
And there's nothing there to bring you back today  
Today, oh no  
\- Million Miles Away, By: Goo Goo Dolls

Man, it feels weird to be sitting up here, Nakatsu thought. He was trying not to fidget (it wasn't working, since his heel was tapping against the right front leg of his chair). He was sitting on the stage in the auditorium of Osaka High, next to all the other teachers and coaches. He'd sat in this hall many times for announcements. He had never been the one on the stage though. He had never liked being in the attention of a lot of people either, but he had gotten used to that. After playing for millions of people, giving talks at schools, and such he could stand in front of large groups of people and talk. It didn't mean he was comfortable, but he could deal. Beside the blond, Zak seemed to be much better off. He was sitting, cool as a cucumber, as the principal walked out onto the stage to stand in front of the podium. But then, Zak had always eaten up attention as a teenager and young adult; that over confident attitude of his reveled in having all eyes on him. Although, Nakatsu hadn't seen to much of that attitude lately. Another testament to how much the other man had changed.

Nakatsu listened politely as the principal began to speak.

"Welcome, students, to a new year at Osaka High. We are excited to welcome back all our returning students and extend a very warm welcome to all our new students." The principal started out his speech with enthusiasm.

Nakatsu fought hard not to roll his eyes. He remembered having to sit through these boring speeches when he was a student here. No matter how exciting the speaker tried to make it, the speech was always boring. Welcome, blah blah blah, new rules, yada yada, other new stuff, and on and on. And, oh wait!... He tuned back in to hear the principal start speaking about the new coaches.

"As you know from the newsletter, we hired two new coaches this year after the unfortunate retirement of Inoue-san and Yamada-san. We are pleased to welcome, Nakatsu Shuichi and Kagurazaka Makato to our staff. I believe a brief introduction is in order." He gave a brief overview of each man's athletic career. "We are very grateful to have such renowned athletes join our coaching staff. Let's help make them feel welcome. " He swept his hand over at the two men, who stood up and waved awkwardly. They were a little surprised at the enthusiastic clapping and cheering their introduction received.

Nakatsu sat back down as quickly as possible. It was just so weird to be applauded by these kids at his old school. He glanced over into the assembly where Umeda had taken up residence in one of the back rows. He was surprised to see the doctor there. When the doctor caught him looking the man made a face and used his left hand to mimic a gun being put to his temple. Umeda mouthed 'shoot me now and put me out of my misery!' Nakatsu had to bit his lip hard to keep from laughing out loud. He suddenly felt a whole lot calmer. Huh. Imagine that.

He glanced back over at Zak to see the high jumper looking pointedly between Umeda and Nakatsu before narrowing his eyes in annoyance. The smile on Nakatsu's face faded away. How was he going to deal with this tension between the two of them? They had to work closely together a couple of days a week. This was going to be rough. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

The speeches and announcements drew to a close. Finally, it was over. The students trickled out to begin their first official day at school. The teachers left to hurry to their rooms. The coaches drifted off to waste time until the afternoon when their first practices started. Nakatsu stayed where he was, watching everyone leave. Beside him, Zak kept his seat as well. He kept glancing at the blond like he was contemplating saying something. Either he couldn't think of anything or he chickened out, because a moment later he stood up and walked away. Nakatsu watched his retreating back until the door slammed shut behind him. He got to his feet with a sigh. He could tell it was going to be an interesting year, if he could just make it through the entire thing…

/

Meeting the other coaches last week had not been nearly as intimidating as meeting the students. It was kinda silly to feel that way, but Nakatsu couldn't help it. He'd never coached as a full time job before. He'd done clinics and such for high schools so he had some experience with it. This did not have quite the same feel or meaning since it would last more than a day or a week. He was back at his old school, teaching kids a sport he'd loved and honed here. It wasn't just that though. It was the fear that he wouldn't be able to relate. High school seemed so long ago. He'd almost forgotten what it felt like to be a teenager. All that hot blooded passion and energy the boys had that he no longer grasped quite so easily. He missed the simplicity of their lives with nothing else to worry about but classes, clubs, and school activities. As a high school student, a 28 year old man seemed old. Now he was that age and felt old. As a teenager, he'd thought that people nearing their 30s had a career, family, and dream house. He glanced over at Zak. Some people had that, or did. Others, like him, did not. He knew now that life wasn't as cookie cutter shaped as he'd thought when he was younger. He kinda wished he could go back to those easier days.

So yes, as he watched the students come out to meet him, he was nervous. He was also excited. If there was something he loved more than soccer, it was sharing that love with others. He guessed that was all he'd need to teach these boys. He watched the group of boys break up and head towards their respective sport coaches. A large group headed his way. He glanced down at his clipboard to glance over the attendance sheet he'd been given. There were fourteen boys who had signed up to be in soccer. Enough for him to make two teams so they could practice a real match, and to have backups at the real games.

He waited for them all to gather in front of him. He looked them over for a minute, noticing a few that seemed very excited to be there. A smile crossed his face before he could stop himself. He wondered if the excitement was for learning soccer from a famous athlete or meeting an Olympic medalist. He was trying not to be proud, but he knew this much enthusiasm didn't just come from wanting to learn soccer…unless they were like Nakatsu.

"Good afternoon, everyone," he said with a big grin. He felt a little silly for starting out like that, but he felt it would be more proper. They all answered him the same while a few shuffled their feet. "I'm Nakatsu Shuichi. I'll be your soccer coach from here on out. I look forward to working with all of you. I love soccer to the point that I've been told it's unhealthy…" Some of the boys snickered. "So if I get a little over passionate or over enthusiastic tell me to back off. I don't want to be that creepy guy that bounces excitedly all over the place." He got out right laughs at that one and felt proud of himself. He could do this. This was easy. "Alright, I'm gonna do role call here and see if all of you showed up. When I call your name please tell me how experienced you are with soccer and what position you feel most comfortable playing in. If you're new at soccer or you don't really know what position to play, don't feel bad. I'll help you work out where you'll fit in. So here we go…"

He read through the names. All the boys seemed to have a working knowledge of soccer, only a few didn't know what position they played best, and almost all of them had a few years of experience already. That would make life much easier. He could work with the newer players to bring them all up to the same level. It was encouraging to know he had a good group of kids to work with.

"Now that's taken care of, are there any questions for me before we get started?"

Every hand went up.

"Holy crap," he said before he could stop himself.

They all grinned or snickered.

"Fine. Since I have a feeling we won't be able to get any work done until your curiosity is satisfied—shoot. Uh, you go ahead," He pointed at the shortest boy standing at the front.

"Why'd you stop playing professionally? Do you not want to anymore?"

Nakatsu sighed and scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. "I definitely still want to. Let's just say I needed a break. The pressure was starting to get to me." He pointed to the next kid.

"Did you really go to school here?"

"Yes," He laughed. "I was in dorm 3. My room was 205. And it probably smells just as awesome now as it did then. Sweat and dirty socks…"

They all laughed.

"I'm in that room!" One of the younger boys gasped with glee. Saito is his name, Nakatsu thought. He was trying to make himself remember these kids' names.

"Well, now you know I slept on one of those beds once too." He smiled a little awkwardly.

"What'd it felt like to be in the Olympics?"

Nakatsu felt a rush of nostalgia wash over him. "It's amazing. Like the biggest party in the world. There's so much excitement, pressure to win, and the passion to prove you're the best. It's the biggest rush I've ever felt. It took my breath away."

"Where are your medals? Can we see them?"

"Sure, they are in a case. I'll bring it in some time." He agreed easily.

The questions continued relentlessly. He felt like he was at a press conference again. The questions were quick and probing. "Ok, enough!" he gasped when he couldn't take anymore. "We should get started, because the other coaches are giving me weird looks."

The boys all looked slightly chagrined. He split them up into two lines before pairing them up and handed out soccer balls to each pair. It was a simple exercise, but it was the beginning of the school year. After the summer off it was best to start out easy and work their way up just so he could see what he needed to do with them. The rest of the practice flew by. He enjoyed every second of it. His eyes didn't even slip away from his students once. He was almost able to ignore the fact that somewhere behind him, Zak was there. He could practically feel the other man boring a hole in his back with his eyes. If there was a little ball of unease and anxiety sitting like a stone in his gut it had nothing to do with Zak. He was almost able to believe it.

/

It had been two weeks since Nakatsu Shuichi and Kagurazaka Makato had become coaches at Osaka High. Thus far, all the boys under their tutelage would testify that they were the best coaches they'd ever had. The kids Kagurazaka coached would grumble that he was a hard ass and a tad cranky, but otherwise had helped improve their performances. The kids Nakatsu coached loved him and annoyed the crap out of others by always bragging about him. Among the boys that Nakatsu coached were three boys had put themselves in charge of Nakatsu's official school fan club. Takedo, Mori, and Saito had been best friends since junior high. They'd all come to Osaka together for the school's athletic program. They were all huge fans of Nakatsu since the beginning of the man's professional career. To have him as their coach was a fantasy come true.

The three boys watched as Nakatsu walked over to Kagurazaka. They'd been watching the two since almost the beginning of the school year. Mostly, it had started out as sheer admiration. They loved soccer. Nakatsu was their idol. Of course, they were gonna follow his every move. They, however, had not expected him to be so interestingly human in person. Idols always seemed perfect. While Nakatsu had proven he was not perfect to the social media in the last year or so, he was still held in high regard. As naïve kids, they hadn't expected him to be quite so un-different and yet totally different than other adults. So they watched him out of curiosity. Their nosiness was beginning to pay off. It had been very easy to pick up on the tension between these two men, especially if anyone knew their background. To them, it was intriguing that these once best friends were behaving like the other was diseased.

"Z…er Kagurazaka-san, will you be helping me run laps with the students? I heard Sakuma-san was out sick and Fujima-san is a little to old to be running laps…," Nakatsu said awkwardly.

Kagurazaka glanced over in the blond's direction, but never actually met his eyes. "Yes. Are you running at the front or the back of the pack?"

"I figured I'd take the back. Encourage the stragglers, yah know," Nakatsu smiled, going for casual and ending up looking like a grimace.

"Fine. I'll be over in a minute." The high jumper immediately turned his back.

Nakatsu hesitated a moment before turning away to walk back over to the group of boys waiting to start running. Most of the other students were to busy talking amongst themselves to notice the weird vibes going on between their coaches. What adults acted like was not really their concern unless it directly involved them. Not for the three boys though. They noticed everything. To their amusement though, the adults didn't seem to notice they were being watched like hawks. Or maybe they were so used to it that it didn't bother them. The two men probably thought they weren't being incredibly obvious about the weird tension between them, but anyone with eyes could see it.

After another minute or two of getting everyone organized and making sure everyone was warmed up, they started their run. It was only a mile run to start. The coaches were aware that not all the students had tried to keep themselves in shape over their summer break. So they started out at an easy pace. As the semester progressed and competitions drew nearly, the coaches would push their students' harder, build up their endurance, and tone up their muscles. For now, it was just an easy jog to get back into the groove of running.

Kagurazaka had a long stride. The students realized that right away, so even an easy jog was not quite so easy for them. At a run, it was almost impossible to see the limp in his leg. Nakatsu saw it though, even from so far back. He wondered if it hurt Zak to run on it. If it did, the high jumper would never admit it. He'd cling to his pride and push harder just to prove it wasn't bothering him. Still the old injury had been enough to put Zak's professional athletic career to an end. Nakatsu could only imagine how terrible that had been for someone like the high jumper.

Nakatsu didn't have time to dwell on Zak though. He settled into a smooth, slow jog keeping just behind the stragglers. He honestly hated running, so he could sympathize with the kids who had trouble or didn't seem to like it either. Still, running was the best way to build stamina and there was a lot of running in soccer so his kids needed to be in shape. He concentrated his efforts on offering the runners encouragement.

"So what do you think happened to break up Nakatsu and Kagurazaka's friendship?" Mori wondered aloud quietly as they jogged along.

"It'd have to be something huge. They went to college together and went to tons of each other's events." Takedo remarked, panting a little. He'd never been much of a long distance runner. Sprinting was his specialty.

"Do you think it had something to do with Nakatsu being gay?" Saito whispered.

The other two gave him dark looks.

"What kind of person would leave his best friend because over that?" Mori muttered, angry on Nakatsu's behalf.

"A crappy friend." Takedo remarked a little caustically.

"Hey, you three, you're falling behind," Nakatsu was suddenly right behind them.

They all startled and glanced back to see their idol giving them a questioning look.

"A little less chatting and a bit more running, alright guys?" Nakatsu grinned at them.

"Yes, Nakatsu-sensei!" They answered.

The interruption in their conversation certainly didn't stop them from wondering about the two men. Their curiosity would end up being the cause of a lot of trouble…

/

Umeda's office was once again becoming Nakatsu's sanctuary just like back in high school. The man had been such a great confidant back then. It seemed only natural to come back to him when Nakatsu needed someone to talk to now. Umeda set a cup of coffee down in front of Nakatsu. The blond took it with a smile. It was a little like déjà vu when Umeda had been his career counselor. Now he was grown up, and without Zak clouding his vision, Umeda was oddly attractive even just doing something as simple as making coffee. He certainly had never watched the older man like this when he was younger. Hell back in those days, he'd been convinced Umeda was a demon in disguise.

"So, how's the job going?" Umeda asked, settling back into his own chair and placing his coffee mug on his desk top.

Nakatsu shrugged. "Pretty good. I like the kids. They have a lot of talent. Coaching is very enjoyable."

"Besides all that?"

"Well, I get along with the other coaches. They've all been very helpful. I love being back on campus. I keep expecting to see Sano and Mizuki walked around the corner." Nakatsu smiled nostalgically.

Umeda pressed gently. "And…?"

Nakatsu knew what he was getting at. He looked away from the doctor as he tapped absentmindedly on his mug. "Zak won't look or talk to me."

And there it is…, thought Umeda. The source of the agitation.

"He won't even come near me. It's like I have the plague."

"You make him nervous." Umeda told him bluntly.

Nakatsu looked unconvinced. "The Zak I knew didn't get nervous about anything it seemed like."

"The Zak you knew had not just lost his wife of 6 years, become a single parent, and uprooted to a new job." Umeda pointed out.

Nakatsu cringed.

"Relax. You both need to stop being so tense around each other." The doctor remarked.

They were both silent for a moment as they drank their coffee.

"Why didn't you tell me you hired him before offering me the job?" The blond asked.

"Would you have accepted?"

"No."

"Exactly."

"And you just thought we'd both be cool about finding out we were working together?" Nakatsu asked

in annoyance.

"I figured you could handle it like professionals and…maybe like adults." Umeda replied sardonically.

"You're a conniving asshole."

"So I've been told."

"What if I can't relax about working with him?"

Umeda gave him a bland look.

"I am not being childish," Nakatsu said petulantly.

The doctor smirked. After years of counseling teenagers he was an expert at silent communication through facial expressions alone. "Just keeping trying to talk to him. Or if that doesn't work, leave him alone. Eventually you'll both be stuck in a situation where you'll have to talk. It'll work itself out as long as you don't get pushy."

"You sound so confident about that." Nakatsu said sarcastically.

"That kind of situation is inevitable when you work so closely together. Give it some time." Umeda

answered with assurance.

"I'll try," the blond replied.

That was all he could say on that subject.

/

It was Nakatsu and Kagurazaka's turn to stay late to clean up the gear and field, lock up all the equipment, and check to make sure there were no more students hanging around. They knew from their own transgressions that the locker room was a pretty tempting place to go for some 'quality time.' Nakatsu was in doing a sweep of the locker room as Zak finished locking up the equipment. Zak glanced over as the locker room door swung up. Nakatsu looked irritable, and Zak had no desire to stick around to find out why. He slammed the storage room shut and started to lock the door.

"Are the students all gone?" Zak asked as casually as possible. A nervous shiver was beginning to wind its way down his spin at being left alone with Nakatsu. Once he would have felt anticipation and lust at the idea. It irked him beyond belief that being around the man he loved freaked him out now. He tensed up when the blond walked closer. He yanked his keys from the lock and didn't bother checking to make sure the door was secure. He just wanted to leave before whatever was bothering the blond was taken out on him; especially since it probably had to do with him. He turned around and started to try to move away.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure they are," Nakatsu sounded sarcastic and slightly annoyed.

Zak tried to swallow past the almost sickening wave of anxiety that washed over him. He'd know he couldn't avoid the blond forever. He knew Nakatsu wouldn't let him. He'd been dreading this confrontation, because he didn't know how to explain what was wrong with him. "Good. All the equipment's put away. I'm going home-." Nakatsu slammed his hand against the door only an inch away from Zak's head. To his utter humiliation, Zak jumped backwards and winced when his back connected against the door. "What the hell!" The high jumper snapped loudly.

The blond was glaring at him. "I dunno, Zak. You tell me. We've both been working this job for almost a month now. You have yet to look me in the eyes or even talk to me face to face without someone else around. Since when did you become such a spineless asshole?"

Zak felt like he was suffocating. He could feel the heat coming off Nakatsu's body. The blond's closeness made his mouth go dry and his whole body freeze in place. He slowly forced himself to raise his eyes. When his gaze found Nakatsu's, he felt like someone stole his voice. The blond's eyes held all the fury and passion that Zak had fallen in love with so long ago. The high jumper could feel a desperate need growing inside him like some crazed monster. It scared him as it threatened to overwhelm him.

A shrewd knowing look appeared on Nakatsu's face that made Zak want to punch him in the mouth. Anger was a much easier thing to grasp onto and it drowned out the starving need that was swelling up in him. "I don't remember you making much of an effort to talk to me either," Zak shot back derisively.

"Maybe because you were to busy trying to find every excuse to get away from me when I got within 5 feet!" The blond growled, moving in closer so that their chests almost touched.

Fuck, thought Zak. He dropped his gaze again, unable to keep looking at the blond.

"Do you hate me that much now? Did you forget what we were?" Nakatsu asked, hurt creeping into his voice.

"I could never do either of those," Zak managed to whisper past the crush of emotions trying to choke his voice.

"Then what happened? Why won't you at least talk to me?" Nakatsu pressed. The blond's voice took on a pleading note.

"Don't do this to me," Zak entreated in a low voice. He didn't know how to answer. How could explain what had happened so that Nakatsu would understand? It was screwed up even in his head.

"Then don't do this to me, because I can't take it." Nakatsu said, sounding just as stricken.

Zak looked up. "Me either," he admitted. He reached up to gently grip Nakatsu's throat. He didn't know why he did it. Maybe he just couldn't stand to not touch the blond when he was so close. Whatever the reason was, he didn't care. He felt Nakatsu's pulse hammering beneath his skin and it felt like his body came alive in response. Zak felt a familiar surge of lust, want, and need over take him just as strong as the last time they had touched. He remembered the feel and taste of Nakatsu's mouth like it was only yesterday they'd parted. Suddenly, he wanted so badly that he didn't care about anything else in that moment. He knew Nakatsu felt the same just by the tremble beneath his hand.

Zak didn't know who kissed who, but suddenly their mouths were crashing together. He gasped when Nakatsu practically crushed the breath out of him when he surged forward, pushing Zak harder into the door. They kissed so fervent and desperately, that Zak was sure he tasted blood. He didn't give a shit. It felt like they were 17 again, making out against the locker room door for the world to see. Zak didn't care. He just wanted this so badly…

/

Takedo was busy outlining the plan for their next Nakatsu fan club meeting when Saito interrupted him.

"Damn it!" Saito cursed.

The other two boys glanced over.

"What?" asked Takedo in annoyance. He'd been on a roll! Now, he was gonna lose his train of thought…

"I forgot my gym bag back in the locker room." Saito scowled.

Mori sighed. "Leave it. I'm hungry."

"I would, except my clothes need to be washed. The last time I left them in my locker they stunk it up so bad that it still smells like moldy socks in there! Can you just wait here for me while I run back to get them? I'll only be a minute. I don't want to eat alone!" Saito begged.

"We could save you a seat," Takedo offered reasonably.

"Just wait, please!" Saito gave his patented puppy look.

Mori and Takedo swapped looks before shrugging.

"We'll wait," Mori said.

"Ok! Be right back!" Saito was already running back towards the athletic field. He rounded the corner of the bleachers and skidded to a halt. What he saw made his jaw drop. He was pretty sure his eyes might fall out of his head too. He stood there for a second just staring in shock. Then he whirled around and ran back the way he'd come.

Saito nearly fell over when he stopped in front of the other two boys. "Holy crap!" he gasped. The look on his face instantly had Takedo and Mori concerned.

"What?" The two asked.

"I think I just saw something I shouldn't have!" Saito gasped.

The two boys stared at him skeptically.

"What?" Takedo asked patiently.

Saito took a deep breath and blurted out. "Nakatsu-san's kissing someone over by the locker room!"

"WHAT!"

"We have to see this!" Takedo barked.

"Come on!" Saito turned around and led them back around the bleachers.

They all stopped in the shadow of the big structure just on the outside of the chain link fence surrounding the athletic field before peering into the overhang in the bleachers. They stared in shock at the couple that was pressed against the locker room door partially hidden from view. The two men that near the locker rooms were kissing like the world had disappeared around them. They could easily tell it was Nakatsu-sensei, but the other man was to far into the shadows to see clearly. He seemed familiar. Suddenly, the other man growled and flexed, flipping their positions abruptly. Nakatsu didn't complain when he found himself pinned to the door instead. The boys eyes widened in stunned disbelief when they finally got a good look at the other man. Kagurazaka-sensei! The high jumper leaned back in, pressing their mouths back together, and rolling his hips against the blond's in a slow glide. Nakatsu moaned in a blissed out way that sounded straight of out a porn video. The blond's hands slid down the high jumper's back before reaching down to squeeze his ass. Kagurazaka jerked back like he'd been electrocuted.

"Fuck!" The boys heard the high jumper grate out, voice rough and nervous sounding. "Fuck," he repeated, dropping his head onto Nakatsu's shoulder with a groan. He grabbed the blond's hands, pushing them away, before straightening up and taking a step back.

"Zak," Nakatsu said in a pleading tone. "Please."

"I can't, Nakatsu." He swallowed hard, taking another step back. "I can't."

"Why not!" The blond shouted in frustration, making the boys jump. "I've waited for 6 fucking years!

You promised me, you bastard!"

Zak closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I know. I'm sorry. I should never have promised that. It wasn't fair to either of us. Believe me, Nakatsu. I am so damn sorry. I wish I could explain…"

"I wish you would too!" The blond snapped angrily.

"I don't know how." Zak forced himself to confess. "I just can't right now."

Nakatsu shook his head. "Whatever. I'm sick of waiting on you." He pushed past Zak and started to walk away.

The boys all looked at each other in horror. Nakatsu was heading right for them. There wasn't anywhere for them to run or hide before he reached them either. Nakatsu walked through the chain link fence gate, slamming it shut behind him (with more force than was necessary), and nearly ran into them. He stopped up short, just inches from bowling Mori over.

They all stared at each other for almost a full minute.

"Did you just see-?" he stopped mid-sentence, not wanting to give himself away if they hadn't. He felt dread starting to steal over him.

"No, we didn't see anything!" They all gasped almost simultaneously.

It would be funny if the situation wasn't so messed up, thought Nakatsu. He let out a heavy sigh as his shoulders sagged. "Please don't lie."

"We saw you kissing someone." Takedo admitted.

Nakatsu grimaced. He should have been more careful. He was to old to be acting like the rash, impulsive teenager he'd once been. If these boys talked he could lose his job, and so could Zak. It would cause such a scandal. That was the last thing he needed since the last one was finally dying out.

"We won't say anything about you making out with Kagurazaka-sensei," Saito said in what was probably supposed to be a reassuring manner.

Nakatsu cringed. So they had definitely seen who he'd been kissing. Fucking great.

The other two boys were giving their friend a withering look.

"What?"

Mori punched him in the arm. "Shuttup, you're not helping."

"Sorry," Saito whined, rubbing his arm.

"Seriously though, Sensei. We won't say a word to anyone. We like you being our coach. We wouldn't want to get you in trouble or fired." Takedo reassured the soccer as sincerely as he could.

"Thanks, guys," Nakatsu smiled, but it was forced. "Now you all need to go back to your dorms before you get in any more trouble."

Saito shuffled his feet. "I forgot my gym bag. That's why we came back."

"Oh, well then let's hurry up and go get it." Nakatsu gestured towards the locker room. He led them back through the gate and unlocked the locker room door. "I'll wait here so I can lock up after you."

They walked past the soccer player, keeping completely silent until the locker room door was shut. They felt safe enough to talk quietly.

"I guess those rumors were true about them being secret lovers." Saito said, going over to his locker to take out his gym bag.

"Oh yeah. He's been waiting 6 years, he said. I wonder what that meant." Mori pondered.

Takedo crossed his arms and said disparagingly. "I think Kagurazaka must have promised they'd get back together. Obviously, he didn't keep up his end of the bargain."

"I can't believe those two had a thing together!" Saito exclaimed.

"Shhh!" The other two hissed.

"Do you think he'd get mad if we asked how long they were together?" Saito asked curiously.

"We can't ask that! It's personal! Besides, he already looks miserable." Mori scowled at his friend.

"We have to keep an eye on him. What if he does something to hurt himself," Saito stage whispered dramatically.

Takedo rolled his eyes. "I don't think he'd do that. But we should watch out for him and protect him. Make sure no one else realizes their secret."

"Yeah!" The other two agreed.

"How are we supposed to do that? We can't watch him all the time." Mori pointed out.

"Not all at the same time. That'd be to obvious. We'll have to do it in shifts while he's here." Takedo said logically.

"This sounds complicated." Saito sighed.

"I'll figure it out." Takedo replied confidently.

They went silent as they walked out to where Nakatsu was waiting.

"Are we good now?" The blond asked.

"Yeah." They all answered.

"Alright then. Get back to the dorms. I'll see you guys Monday at practice."

They waved and hurried off. They had lots of scheming to work out before Monday came.

Nakatsu watched them go. Worry crept over him. He felt foolish for even getting caught in that kind of situation by a bunch of kids. He should have learned his lesson by now. Unfortunately, he tended not to notice things when he was wrapped up in sexual pleasure until it was to late. This was the second time that particular weakness was coming back to bite him in the ass. He sighed. As long as those boys kept their mouths shut there wouldn't be a problem. He didn't know how well he could trust them though. He'd just have to watch out for them and pray the other shoe wouldn't drop.


	5. Feel the Silence

'I don't know where I'm going

Only know where I been

But you move through my soul like a hurricane wind

Been so lost for so long

I don't know how to get back again

And we're drowning in the water

That flows under this bridge

When you're fighting the current

You forget how to live

And I wanted to reach you

But I don't know where to begin

And you remain, a promise unfilled until today

And if we feel the silence

Holding this all inside us

Everything means more now than words could explain

And if we feel the silence

Leaving this all behind us

When it's gone what will you say'

-'Feel the Silence' By: Goo Goo Dolls

"I kissed Zak last night. It just sort of happened," Nakatsu sighed, taking the cup of coffee from Dr. Umeda.

Yes, he was back in Umeda's office. It was seriously beginning to feel like his second home. In fact, he was sure he was here more than at his apartment. But dammit, talking to Umeda helped him calm down and stay sane. This job was turning out to be incredibly stressful. Ok, correction: working with Kagurazaka was turning out of be incredibly stressful.

Umeda didn't look surprised, or even all that sympathetic after what Nakatsu had said. "I've been half expecting something like that to happen between you two. My guess…it didn't end well?"

"No. He pushed me away."

"Not surprised."

Nakatsu flopped across the top of the desk, barely missing tipping over his mug of coffee. "What is wrong with him! What is wrong with me! Why doesn't he want me?"

"He's suffocating himself with guilt." Umeda answered quietly.

The blond glanced up. "What?"

"He feels guilty for probably just about everything at this point. And it's eating him alive," the doctor explained. "There's no telling how long it will take him to let go of that or if he ever will."

"What am I supposed to do in the mean time?" He asked with scowl as he sat back up.

"You're not a naïve boy anymore. You should let go if he's not willing to move on for you," Umeda remarked. He wasn't trying to be unkind, merely stating a fact.

"He said to wait for him." Nakatsu murmured sadly, cradling his cup of coffee he picked up.

"And what if you had fallen in love with someone else?" Umeda asked.

The blond looked at him in surprise. "I couldn't."

"Yes, you could have and you know it. You had a chance. You told me so."

Nakatsu licked his lips. "Maybe, but the memory of what we'd had was to strong."

"I think you have turned it into a fantasy. You remember it as being more perfect than reality. You thought it would go right back to that as soon as he came back. It hasn't happened like that though and that's what is hurting you." Umeda pointed out.

Nakatsu sighed heavily. "All these years and you still manage to make me feel like a stupid teenager."

"Some things don't change. Others can." Umeda shrugged and gave him a teasing smirk.

The blond stood up then set down his coffee cup. He went to stand by the window to look out at the athletic field. Zak was out there cleaning up the practice equipment, even though it wasn't his turn to do it. It hurt to have him in sight, but not be able to really touch him. He heard Umeda stand up and come over to stop by his shoulder. The closeness of the older man made his skin prickle with awareness. He shrugged to relieve the sensation, having not felt it in so long that it was foreign.

"I just wanted back what I'd lost." The blond admitted.

"That's a perfectly normal human desire. We all want that. Sometimes it's not practical though," Umeda pointed out.

Nakatsu turned his head to look back at the doctor. He blinked when he realized just how close the other man was. He could feel the heat from Umeda's chest on his back. For the first time, he really let himself look at those unique amber eyes. Umeda's eyes really were beautiful. He was coming to the uncomfortable conclusion that he had a crush on his once school doctor. That was just a little weird to him. He didn't know why he had to start crushing on Umeda now after years of knowing him. Maybe it was just all the confused emotions and his feelings needing some kind of outlet. Umeda happened to be the closest friend he had near him right now. Umeda also happened to be very attractive. Nakatsu was probably making to big of a deal out of the reactions he was having to Umeda.

A second later, he tensed in shock when Umeda pulled him into a hug from behind. "W-what are you doing?" He stammered, his heart beating a little faster.

"Giving you hug." Umeda said, next to his ear. "I thought that was kind of obvious."

"But…"

Umeda squeezed him a little tighter. "Just take it for what it is." It was somewhat out of character for him to offer comfort like this. He wanted to though. Nakatsu was still so much like his teenage self; so earnest and passionate. The issues the blond was dealing with were ones Umeda had been all to familiar with once upon a time. He felt sorry for Nakatsu. The blond looked like he needed some comfort and there was no one else to turn to.

"Ok." The blond whispered, leaning back against Umeda.

"By the way, when's the last time you got laid?" The doctor asked playfully to lighten the mood.

Nakatsu stiffened in surprise again. "What!"

"I can see the way you've been looking at me. I'm not blind. Now answer the question," Umeda said bluntly.

"It's been a while," Nakatsu admitted.

Umeda felt even more sorry for the poor blond. "That makes all this more difficult, I'm sure."

"Yeah, so...sorry if I've been acting inappropriate."

"It's alright. If you ever want me to help you out, though, just let me know," Umeda said teasingly.

"Are you serious!" Nakatsu tried to jump out of Umeda's arms.

The doctor laughed, hanging onto the blond and not letting him get away. "It was a joke, Nakatsu.

Relax." Umeda smiled against his hair. He wrapped his arms a little tighter around the blond.

Nakatsu felt all the tension drain out of him. He was getting far to uptight about everything nowadays. He let out a sigh, relaxing into the older man's arms and enjoying the comfort that was being offered to him. He couldn't remember the last time anyone had held him, especially for anything other than sex. It was incredibly nice to just be there with Umeda like this. After a while, Umeda gently drew back.

"Although, if you ever want to take the offer seriously just let me know," Umeda looked at him with an amused smile.

Nakatsu's jaw dropped. "For real?"

"If you want it. If not we'll just pretend I never said anything," the doctor replied easily.

"But why would you…?" He trailed off, but the 'want me' was clear in the unspoken words.

"You've gotten pretty handsome, Nakatsu. And you should give yourself more credit. You've turned into a great man. So I think I'm entitled to have just a little bit of a crush on a good looking kid I used to take care of," Umeda winked before turning away and walking back to his desk. "Now you should go home and get some rest."

Nakatsu stood there for a moment longer. He felt somewhat stupid just standing there trying to process the fact that the doctor had a crush on HIM. He shuffled his feet and cleared his throat. "Right well. I'll just be going then."

"Alright. See you tomorrow, Nakatsu." Umeda replied, appearing to be absorbed once more in his work.

"Good night." Nakatsu smiled back before turning away and heading towards the door.

Umeda's return goodnight followed him out into the hall. The door closed behind Nakatsu with a soft click. He walked down the hall in a bit of a daze. He still couldn't quite believe that Umeda had admitted to having a crush on him. It made it even more surreal knowing that the crush was mutual on his part to. He was half tempted to go back and take the doctor up on his offer. That was almost silly though. He didn't know what to think anymore about his love life. It was getting so weird.

He was so engrossed in his thoughts he didn't even notice that shadow of someone standing just inside a classroom next to the clinic.

/

A few days later it was Nakatsu's turn to clean up the equipment at the end of the day. He had just finished and locked the door when he heard the scuffle of feet behind him.

"Hello."

Nakatsu looked down in surprise. "Hello," he smiled at the adorable little girl, who was suddenly standing next to him. "Who are you?"

"I'm Hiromi." She answered. "I know who you are."

"Oh really?" He asked curiously.

She nodded earnestly. "Yeah. You're the man my daddy loves."

Nakatsu blinked a few times in shock. "Uh…," then it all clicked in his brain. "You're Kagurazaka's daughter?"

"Yep." She rocked back on her heels and looked pleased.

"Why aren't you with your daddy?" he inquired politely. He glanced around quickly, looking for the other man. He hadn't seen anyone when he'd been locking up the equipment.

She clasped her hands in front of her before answering, "He said I could walk around the track while I wait for him. He wanted something from his office."

Well, that would explain why Nakatsu hadn't seen Zak. The offices were on the opposite of the bleachers. He'd probably gone in there while Nakatsu was inside the equipment room taking stock and putting everything away.

"Oh," he said. "So, uh, how do you know your daddy loves me?"

"I asked." She said matter of factly.

"Ah," Nakatsu cleared his throat, feeling awkward. "Does he tell you a lot of things like that?"

She shrugged. "Only if I ask and he answers."

Nakatsu chuckled at that. She was very straightforward. It reminded him of Zak back in high school. "That makes sense."

"He's always honest." She said off hand.

The blond raised an eyebrow at that remark. "Always?" He asked skeptically.

"Always." She affirmed seriously.

"Hmm."

She began to walk around the track and he found himself walking with her. He didn't really know why. He felt like he shouldn't leave her alone though.

"Do you love my daddy?" She inquired curiously.

Nakatsu swallowed hard and tried to figure out what to say. Was he supposed to be honest about a question like that to a little girl? Zak seemed to try to be honest with her. He supposed he should too. He looked down at her to see her staring back up at him inquisitively. She didn't seem upset that he might be. Well, screw it then. "I don't know anymore," he found himself admitting. He thought about it as he continued to walk. He'd always loved Zak. Yet, was it the same love it had always been or just the fantasy of that love like Umeda had suggested? The kiss he'd shared with Zak the other night had felt just as potent as the first time they'd kissed so many years ago. That didn't mean he felt love. It could just be residual lust.

"My mommy said that love is for always. It never goes away." Hiromi spoke up, pulling him from his pondering.

Nakatsu stared down at her in surprise. "Maybe you're mommy was right."

The little girl smiled at him. "I know she was. I love her, even though she's gone."

"You're very smart, Hiromi-chan." Nakatsu smiled sadly.

"Yes, she is." A familiar voice spoke from behind them.

They both turned around to see Zak standing only a few feet away from them. "Did you have fun walking around the track?" Zak asked, walking over and taking his daughter's hand.

She nodded. "Yes, especially since he was here." She pointed up at Nakatsu.

"My name's Nakatsu," the blond told the little girl.

"Oh. That's a nice name."

Nakatsu chuckled. "Thank you. You have a nice name too."

"Thanks." The girl smiled brightly.

"It's time to go, Hiromi." Zak said. He hadn't looked at Nakatsu once.

"Ahhh, can't I walk with Nakatsu-san some more?" She begged.

"No, we need to go home and eat dinner." The high jumper replied.

She sighed in defeat. "Bye, Nakatsu-san!" She waved at him as they to walked away.

Nakatsu gave her a brief smile and waved in return. "Bye, Hiromi-chan."

Hiromi turned back around to look up at her father as they walked away. His face was set in a tense expression. She knew that meant he was upset. She'd also noticed that he hadn't said hello or good bye to Nakatsu-san. Her daddy hadn't even looked at the other man. "Are you fighting with Nakatsu-san?" She asked.

Zak's grip tightened on her hand involuntarily. He was always amazed at how perceptive she could be.

"Yes." He answered reluctantly.

"I thought you loved him." She remarked.

He stared straight ahead, refusing to let anything show in his expression. "I don't know anymore."

She frowned, realizing both adults had said the same thing. If Mommy said love was for always then why were they not sure anymore? It was really confusing. She didn't understand what was wrong with them. It was very easy for her to say 'I love you' to Daddy. Why would it be so difficult for them? If they kissed and made up, would they be happy like in the movies?

"Did you used to kiss Nakatsu-san?" She asked suddenly.

Zak cleared his throat. His honesty policy with answering her questions was beginning to come back to haunt him. "I don't think you should be asking me those kinds of questions."

"But didn't you?" She pressed.

Zak sighed heavily. "Yes."

"Oh." She thought about what it would look like if Nakatsu-san and her Daddy kissed. "Do you still want to kiss Nakatsu-san?"

Zak refused to answer. Hiromi sighed. She knew when it was best to stop asking questions. Adults were so confusing.

/

Zak was happy to have Hiromi in bed early for once. Ever since Keiko passed away the evenings had been lonely to him soon as his daughter was asleep. Tonight, though, he had to much on his mind. He didn't want her to be around while he worried and guilt tripped himself back and forth. Hell, he didn't want to be awake to do this to himself. He couldn't seem to stop thinking about Nakatsu though. Hiromi had touched a wounded nerve with her innocent questions earlier in the day.

He'd heard the blond tell his daughter that he didn't know if he loved Zak anymore. That had felt like someone stabbed him in the back. Yet, he'd given Nakatsu no reason to hope since they'd met again. They'd kissed once since they both took these coaching jobs. The effects had been just as devastating as Zak had remembered. Lust and love were to different things though. It was natural to feel lust for each other after so many years apart. Was there still any love though?

Zak had clung to the mantle of his love for Nakatsu throughout almost the entirety of his marriage. He'd tried to keep it as bright and passionate as the last day he'd seen the blond. He'd still loved Nakatsu when they'd run into each other at the last Olympics. It'd been all Zak could do not to break down and kiss the man right there in front of all those damn cameras. Then years had passed again without seeing each other. Their love became like a fantasy; memories of a happier time.

It had hurt so much when he'd opened that newspaper to see that article about Nakatsu, and the picture of his arm wrapped around another man. He could only believe that Nakatsu had moved on. He'd forgotten about Zak's promise or perhaps quit believing it. Zak couldn't really blame him. He had given Nakatsu no reason to hope. He'd never written any letters, snuck any phone calls, or tried to communicate with the blond in any way. Who would keep hoping under those circumstances?

Zak's eye drifted over to the photo album he kept on the coffee table. A picture of Hiromi, Keiko, and him was on the cover with their arms around each other standing on the beach. One of the few vacations they'd taken together as a family. His life hadn't been all bad since the day he married Keiko. They'd had their good moments—even if most of them had been wrapped around Hiromi.

He leaned over and picked up the photo album. He didn't know why had suddenly needed to look at these pictures. He flipped open the cover to stare down at a wedding picture taken of he and Keiko. Both of them gave the convincing illusion that they were happy in this picture. Keiko had been happy to marry him. He knew that. She had, indeed, come to love him before their marriage. For him, it had been all he could do to say 'I do' and pretend to smile in this picture. His mind drifted back to a conversation he'd had with her the week before their wedding…

They were looking over the list of wedding guests one last time to make sure they hadn't missed anyone. Zak had invited very few people to the wedding. His family were really the only ones coming. He had pretty much tuned Keiko out until one sentence had jolted him out of his stupor.

"What about your friendNakatsu-san?"Keikoasked, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye.

"No," Zak answered immediately.

"Why? Isn't he your best friend?" She'd asked, confusion marring her pretty face.

He was quiet for a long moment as he tried to figure out what to say to make her drop this subject. "I don't want him there. That's all." He made sure his tone brokered no questions.

She gave him a long, hard look. He thought for a second maybe she had figured him out. She set the list aside. "That's a shame. You two used to be so close."

Zak grit his teeth, determined to say nothing. They had been close. They had wanted to live the rest of their lives together. He wanted to blame her for ruining his happily ever after. It was she who had insisted the marriage continue when her father had almost agreed to let the idea drop. She hadn't known he was in love with someone else. He was sure if she had they never would have gone through

with this farce of a marriage.

He had to go through with this marriage for his family. They needed to keep the family temple. It had been in theirfamily for generations. It was their whole life. Zak could not afford to be selfish for their sakes. They were his blood, andNakatsuwas not. Blood over love, he had to remind himself.

He would swallow his bitter anger and bear this until the agreed number of years passed. He prayed there would be no children to complicate the matter. In ten years, he could divorce and be a free man again. His family would have the land signed back to them and the debts would be cleared. It was only ten years, but it seemed like a life time.

He had selfishly askedNakatsuto wait for him, but would the blond really wait? What if the ten years were up and there was noNakatsu? What would Zak do then? Would he stay with Keiko and live a half life forever, always dreaming of his lost love? How was this fair to any of them? For a moment, he almost called it all off. Blood over love, he reminded himself. Though, all he really wanted in that moment was his boyfriend back.

"Are you alright?" Keiko's voice broke him out of his thoughts.

He took a deep breath and forced a smile. "Yeah, just nervous I guess."

"Yes, me too. This is a big step."

"Yeah."

"I hope we can be happy together,Makato. I know I'm not exactly what you wanted, but we can make this work, right?" She took his hand and looked so hopeful. He could see in her eyes then that she loved him. God only knew why.

He looked down at her hand in his. "Right." He said, as he silently wished it were someone else holding

his hand. Someone who used to call him Zak…

He wondered if she'd suspected back then how he'd truly felt about Nakatsu.

He shook his head and turned the page in the album. Next, was the first picture taken of Hiromi. Keiko was lying in a hospital bed, cradling the bundled infant in her arms, while Zak beamed down at his new little girl. That had probably been one of the happiest moments they'd shared in their marriage. Hiromi had been a light in both their lives.

He continued to flip through the pictures. Guilt surged through him at every loving smile Keiko had turned his way in these pictures. Then there were several pages of almost nothing, but pictures of Hiromi or her with only Zak or Keiko. These pictures must have been during the time that Keiko had found out about Nakatsu. They'd been very distant with each other during that time. Another flip of the pages, and there were the pictures of their beach vacation. These pictures were happy again. This had been shortly after Zak had learned about Keiko's cancer, and right before she'd started Chemo therapy. They'd wanted to have something good to remember before the stress and worry began.

The next few pages, they were all back to being mostly happy. Keiko's appearance seemed to wane throughout the following photos. He had loved Keiko for her strength, determination, and ability to keep smiling for Hiromi even through the worst of it all. Keiko had buried the hatchet between the two of them. He'd finally been able to give her the love she deserved in those last months. For the first time in years, he hadn't thought about Nakatsu in a long time.

He stared down at the last picture of Keiko, Hiromi, and he together in the hospital. It had been the day before she died. Even then Keiko was smiling. She was holding Hiromi close and clutching Zak's hand. It was supposed to be one of her last Chemo sessions. He wondered if she'd suspected that things would go wrong. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat. He couldn't stand to look at that picture anymore. He slammed the album shut and tossed it back onto the coffee table like it was on fire.

Fuck, he was such a mess. Keiko had deserved better from him. Why had he only been able to love her the last year of her life? He felt sickeningly guilty for all the years they'd spent together that he had not acted like the husband she wanted. He had pined after Nakatsu like his old lovesick teenage self that he'd been unable to let go. He'd been a bastard to promise Nakatsu he'd come back to him. He felt guilty for making the blond hope for him all these years.

He cringed as he remembered Nakatsu shouting

"I've waited for 6 fucking years! You promised me, you bastard!"

He had screwed up so many peoples' lives over the last few years. He felt angry with himself for all of it. He felt like an idiot. Somehow, he was going to have to explain all this to Nakatsu. It was only fair that let the blond know so they could move on with their lives. Nakatsu deserved someone better than Zak; someone who wasn't strangling himself with guilt, regrets, and anger every day of his life.

Hell, Hiromi deserved better than a fucked up dad like him. He'd taken this job at Osaka to start over though. He was determined to do so. Somehow, he was going to have to pull himself together. In order to do that, he needed to talk to Nakatsu.

And he was not looking forward to that at all…


	6. So Lost in the Moments

You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe  
When you're with 'em  
You meet and neither one of you even know what hit 'em  
Got that warm fuzzy feeling  
Yeah, them chills you used to get 'em  
Now you're getting fucking sick of looking at 'em  
You swore you'd never hit 'em; never do nothing to hurt 'em  
Now you're in each other's face spewing venom in your words when you spit them  
You push, pull each other's hair, scratch, claw, hit 'em  
Throw 'em down, pin 'em  
So lost in the moments when you're in them  
It's the rage that took over it controls you both

-'Love the Way You Lie' by: Eminem

Nakatsu was getting so tired of being ignored by Kagurazaka by the end of the week. He had been keeping his patience about the way he was being avoided and treated as though he was barely tolerated. He could only take it so long though before it really started to rankle. By the end of the work week, Nakatsu was ready to punch the lights of the other man.

That's why he found himself back in Umeda's office ranting about wanting to shake Kagurazaka until his head fell off his neck. He'd loved the man, but damn this was intolerable. He felt like ever since he'd talked to Haruni that Zak had distanced himself even further. What'd he done wrong by talking with the man's daughter?

In mid-rant, he looked up to see Umeda watching him with an amused expression. His glasses were perched on his nose with his fist curled under his chin as he listened raptly to the blond. The late afternoon light was coming through the window in such a way as to make the older man's hair shimmer. The bright mahogany hair looked like it was on fire. His unique amber color of eyes glinted like the rock it so closely resembled. Nakatsu's brain was totally derailed from whatever thought it had been on. The sudden swell of attraction towards the older man left him feeling a little stunned. A slow, knowing smirk curled across Umeda's lips as he caught the look in Nakatsu's eyes. The blond blinked then flushed slightly in embarrassment before getting to his feet quickly. He set down the coffee mug he'd been holding.

"I should probably be going," he muttered, suddenly hot and uncomfortable.

"You remember the offer I gave you?" Umeda asked, seemingly nonchalant.

Nakatsu froze, hand still on his mug and looked over at the doctor in surprise. After a week, he'd sort of brushed it off as a joke. He didn't think he'd ever take the offer, but right now it was starting to be pretty damn tempting. Umeda was gorgeous. It didn't help that Nakatsu hadn't been laid in far to long. "I remember," he answered finally.

Umeda stood up and came around the desk. "And if I offered again right now, what would you say?"

Nakatsu chewed on his lip for a moment. He was already half hard in his pants just from the thought. What would it hurt to let this man touch him? They were friends. Nakatsu knew he could trust the doctor. Lack of trust and fear was what had kept him from hooking up with anyone in some time. Now with this offer dangling tantalizingly in front of him, the blond found he couldn't resist. "Yes," Nakatsu agreed.

Umeda didn't look totally convinced. "You sure?"

"I want to," he replied, swallowing hard as Umeda's eyes darkened into something almost predatory with lust. It'd been a long time since Nakatsu'd been on the receiving end of such a blatantly licentious look.

Umeda smirked a little at Nakatsu's wide eyed stare. He was all grown up, but yet sometimes still so boyish underneath. Umeda stepped forward to press Nakatsu back against his desk. The doctor leaned forward, and paused only a breath away from the younger man's mouth. The blond tightened his fingers over the edge of the wooden desk top with anticipation. Both moved forward at the same moment. It wasn't clear who kissed who. Somehow, they were kissing. Nakatsu thought it felt wonderful. The sharp surge of desire that rose within him, the taste of another man's mouth, and the solid presence of a man in front of him was something he'd been missing. He was even more surprised by just how powerful his reaction was to Umeda. There were very few people he could remember having his kind of magnetic attraction too.

Nakatsu reached up to bury his fingers in the doctor's silk fine hair. He slanted his mouth sideways, deepening the kiss, and groaned with sheer delight of the intense want flowing through him. Umeda tasted so amazing, spicy and sharp like ginger. The doctor slipped his tongue into Nakatsu's mouth. The blond's body trembled in response. God, it'd been so long! He took one of his hands away from the older man's hair to reach down and fumble at the doctor's belt buckle.

Umeda huffed a laugh into his mouth, amused by Nakatsu's sudden impatience. He was glad his desk was hidden behind a screen. Even if someone walked by they wouldn't see anything, but he was keenly aware that the door wasn't locked. Anyone could come in despite his office hours being over. As long as he was still here his doctoral attention was fair game. He drew back from Nakatsu with an agitated sigh.

"We shouldn't do anymore here," he told the blond.

Nakatsu's eyes looked unfocused and a little stunned. "No one will come."

Umeda knew the chances were pretty low of being discovered. Still, he'd always tried to keep his affairs out of the work place. Mizuki had caught him with one guy so many years ago. That had been bad enough. If it had been anyone else who might have blabbed, things could have gotten complicated. It was hard to think straight though when his cock was throbbing hard in his pants and he had his arms full of a very hot, aroused man.

"We won't go all the way, but we can at least do something to take the edge off," Umeda relented. There was no way they were going be able to get anywhere else with erections tenting their pants like this.

Nakatsu blew out a sigh of relief. He was painfully hard just from a few kisses. He had no desire to have blue balls until they could get somewhere more accommodating. His hands went back to Umeda's belt. In no time, he had the belt unbuckled and the fly undone on the older man's pants. He shoved down the front of the doctor's pants, tracing his fingers over the hard outline of the man's cock through his underwear. Umeda growled low in his throat before catching his mouth in another heated kiss. Nakatsu's fingers continued to tease as Umeda's started tearing open the front of the blond's pants. He helped the blond pull down his pants and boxers, ignoring the thud of a shoe hitting the floor. Nakatsu kicked until one leg was free of his pants and the other was just barely hanging on to the top of his pants. Umeda immediately stepped between Nakatsu's spread legs, shoving his own boxers down, and fitting their hips together expertly. Both gasped into each other's mouths as their naked cocks rubbed together for the first time.

Nakatsu moaned as the doctor wrapped one hand around both their cocks and began to stroke. His toes curled and his fingers tightened in the older man's lab coat as pleasure sang through every nerve in his body. It felt so fucking good. Their breath was coming short and shallow, hearts thudding rapidly in their chests, as they each got closer to orgasm. Nakatsu's hand reached down to lace their fingers together around their cocks. His whole body tensed as the pleasure took on a sharper edge. Umeda's free hand slipped under the hem of Nakatsu's shirt, sliding over the hard flat planes of his stomach up to his chest until the doctor rubbed across a hardened nipple. The blond's head lulled back as he moaned through the ecstatic sensation that spiked through him. His hips rocked into the rhythm their hands were setting, so close now that he was trembling.

Umeda seemed to know Nakatsu was teetering on the edge of release. He stroked hard, adding a twist to the motion, before sliding back to rub his thumb hard over the head of Nakatsu's cock. That was all the blond needed. He came with a bitten off cry (mindful at the last second to keep the noise down). He spilled his release in thick spurts over their combined fingers, his thighs, and his belly. He shuddered in little jolts as Umeda continued to work him through the post-climatic shocks. When he could finally think again, he realized the doctor still hadn't gotten off. It was almost embarrassing to be outlasted by the older man.

"Sit down," he pressed Umeda backwards.

The doctor didn't argue. He dropped back into the chair Nakatsu had recently occupied and spread his legs invitingly. Umeda was not in the least bit shy about his body. He had no need to be. The guy was fucking hot. Even his cock was perfect. Nakatsu dropped to his knees in front of the older man. He gave the older man a wicked smirk before leaning forward to wrap his lips around Umeda's cock. The taste of his own seed on the man's dick was shockingly erotic. He gripped the doctor's thighs as began to suck in earnest. It only took a few moments before Umeda's thighs were trembling under the blond's hands and his balls were drawing up tight. One deep, hard suck was enough to bring Umeda over the edge. The doctor groaned deep in the back of his throat as he came hard in Nakatsu's willing mouth. The blond lingered a little longer. He made sure he'd pulled every last ounce of pleasure out of the doctor before taking his mouth away. Nakatsu sat back on his heels before reaching up on the desk to snag a few tissues. He handed a few to the doctor before he wiped himself off. They both got to their feet, straightening out there clothes, and grinning at each other in sated amusement.

"I think that's enough for today," Umeda remarked.

Nakatsu nodded in agreement. He was surprised to find himself feeling a little weak legged and tired. That'd taken more out of him than he'd thought. He shouldn't have really been surprised. He couldn't remember the last time he'd gotten himself off. Things had been to hectic with the new job, his anger and confusion with Zak, and trying to settle into his new apartment to think much about beating off.

"Thank you," he said to Umeda. He really meant it. He felt good and loose for the first time in weeks.

"You're welcome. Lemme walk you to the door," Umeda smiled.

Nakatsu followed the older man, stepping past him and out into the hall. He turned back to look at the older man. Umeda stood in the doorway, holding the door open, and waiting for the blond to speak. Nakatsu glanced up and down the halls before impulsively leaning over to kiss Umeda. The doctor returned his kiss for a moment before breaking away.

"Go home." He advised gently. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Nakatsu grinned. "Yeah. See yah later." He turned away, stuffing his hands into his pants pockets, and striding off down the hall. He was so caught up in his happy mood that he didn't even notice the movement in the shadows in the intersecting hallway.

/

It was Saito's turn on Nakatsu guard duty. So far this job had been pretty boring. It seemed like they had all jumped the gun when they thought Kagurazaka-sensei and Nakatsu-sensei were possibly dating…or whatever. They'd seemed pretty close. Ever since the night that the three of them had seen the two teachers kiss there had been nothing else between them. In fact, Kagurazaka-sensei seemed to be doing his best to stay far away from Nakatsu-sensei. It seemed pointless to guard their secret affair when there really wasn't one.

Yet, things had started to take a strange twist when Nakatsu-sensei began hanging around Umeda-sensei so often. Takedo had even told Saito and Mori that he'd over heard the doctor proposition Nakatsu-sensei. To Saito, these adults made everything to difficult. He didn't understand what the conflict was between the two coaches. Now Nakatsu-sensei was interested in the doctor when he was supposed to be interested in Kagurazaka-sensei. It was all turning into something that belonged in a TV drama.

The mission had since changed from hiding the secret Kagurazaka-Nakatsu affair to the Umeda-Nakatsu affair. Saito hoped when he got to be an adult that his love life wasn't this screwed up. But then he was straight, so maybe it was just being gay that made one's love life this crazy.

Saito snuck a little closer to the clinic door, hoping to hear some of what was going on inside. They had no proof that the two men were lovers yet. They couldn't properly protect the two until they did. So whenever, Nakatsu-sensei was in the clinic one of them had to sneak as close as possible to try and find out. The boy just hoped that whatever he heard or saw wouldn't traumatize him for the rest of his life. He held his breath and listened as the two men inside the clinic talked in quiet tones.

"You remember the offer I gave you?" Saito heard Umeda ask.

The boy pressed his ear to the door and strained to listen.

"I remember." Nakatsu's voice answered.

"And if I offered again right now, what would you say?" Umeda's voice sounded a little sly but mostly seductive.

There was a long moment of silence. One in which Saito tried very hard not to imagine what might be going on.

"Yes," The boy heard Nakatsu agree.

"You sure?" Umeda sounded uncertain.

"I want to," was Nakatsu's soft reply.

Saito's eyes widened in shock. The coach had actually taken the doctor's offer. This was more than enough proof. He needed to go tell Takedo and Mori immediately. This changed everything. He snuck away from the door before standing up and running off to the locker room where the other two were waiting for a status report. It was the only place they could think to discuss everything without being over heard by other students. There was to much at risk for them to be accidentally heard by someone who might snitch.

Saito ran through the school, across the lawn, and out to the athletic field. He glanced around, but saw no one else. Kagurazaka-sensei had to be inside the office. He slammed open the locker room door, making the other two boys inside jump.

"Saito! Don't make so much noise!" Takedo warned. "The other coaches are still here."

"Sorry." The boy looked a little contrite.

"Why are you back already? Did Nakatsu-sensei go home?" Mori asked curiously.

Saito shook his head. "No! He's with Umeda-sensei. He said yes!"

"Yes to what?" Takedo asked, though he already could guess what it might be.

"Umeda-sensei offered to sleep with him again, and this time Nakatsu-sensei said yes! They're probably in the clinic right now…doing it." Saito made a grossed out face.

The other two boys looked momentarily stunned. They really hadn't expected Nakatsu-sensei to take the offer. They'd thought he was seriously in love with Kagurazaka-sensei. This was a huge development!

"But that changes everything!" Takedo groaned aloud. "Now we'll have to protect Nakatsu-sensei from Kagurazaka-sensei! There could be a huge problem if Kagurazaka-sensei finds out. I bet he'd be really jealous! You need to go back over there and guard the hall, Saito!"

"I don't wanna be near the clinic if they're doing it! I'm to young to be scarred like that!" Saito protested vehemently.

Mori sighed. "I'll go then."

They all jumped again when the locker room door slammed back open. They all looked over and froze in fear.

Kagurazaka-sensei was standing in the doorway glaring at them. "What are you three doing in here?" He growled. "You're supposed to be back at the dorms by now. The locker room is off limits after 6pm."

"We were just…um…," Takedo stumbled. Had the man heard what they were saying? Had they blown the whole thing without even meaning to? It was hard to tell, but he could definitely tell Kagurazaka-sensei was very angry. "We were having a meeting!" He exclaimed desperately.

"Then have it in your dorm rooms. This is not the place for it. Out!" The man pointed out the door.

They scrambled to snatch up their back backs and hurry past the intimidating figure looming in the doorway.

"Sorry, sensei." They all murmured as they passed him, cringing underneath his imposing glare.

"Just don't come back here after 6pm." Kagurazaka warned.

All three of them slunk away like dogs with their tails between their legs.

"Do you think he heard?" Saito whispered fearfully.

"I dunno." Takedo murmured back. "I hope not."

Things could get really bad if the man had heard…

/

Kagurazaka refused to believe what he'd heard those boys say. They were teenagers. They saw what they wanted. Their perception in life wasn't mature yet and they often viewed the world differently than adults, i.e. more dramatic. Yet, the possibility of them being right about Umeda and Nakatsu gnawed at his thoughts. He couldn't let it go as much as he didn't want to believe it. He knew Nakatsu was hanging around Umeda a lot. It really was none of his business if they had decided to become lovers. He had no claim on Nakatsu anymore. He didn't want to have one. Nakatsu deserved someone better than him, even if it was Umeda.

Still, the thought would not leave him be. He was angry and jealous. It was stupid and irrational for him to feel that way. He'd pushed Nakatsu away. He was trying to let him go, but fuck this hurt. It was just like that picture of Nakatsu with that other man in the article. Just seeing the blond's arm around someone else pissed Zak off beyond belief. No one had any right to touch Nakatsu, but him!

He swallowed past the tightening in his throat. He needed to know the truth even if he had no right to it. He wasn't about to ask Nakatsu. Zak had been avoiding the blond since their fight and those kisses that had nearly torn him to pieces. The only person he could ask was Umeda. He knew the doctor would tell him the truth. Umeda had no reason not to. He'd always been a straight-forward person.

He stormed through the school halls, intent on reaching the clinic before the doctor left for the day. He was so wrapped up in his whirlwind of thoughts that he almost didn't see the clinic door opening ahead of him. The sudden splash of light into the darkened hallway had the high jumper drawing up short. He looked down the hall to see Nakatsu standing by the open clinic door and Umeda silhouetted against the open door way. They were standing to close, he noted. What the hell were they doing?

He ducked into the adjoining hallway, blending in with the shadows, so he could watch without them seeing him. His hands curled into fists as Nakatsu leaned forward and kissed the doctor. It wasn't a quick, friendly exchange. It was much more intimate then that. They broke apart a moment later, whispering things to each other and smiling softly. The sight made Zak's blood boil in rage. A surge of jealousy so strong had him almost running down the hall to rip them apart. It was all he could do to make himself stand there until Nakatsu walked past him. He studied the blond as he swept by. His hair was disheveled, his clothes rumbled, and he knew that sated look on Nakatsu's face-hell, he'd put that expression there many times in years past.

He didn't need to hear the truth from Umeda. He'd seen enough proof with his own eyes to know those two were lovers. Jealousy was like a choking fist around his throat. Anger burned in his chest so hot it was physically painful. It didn't matter that Nakatsu was no longer his. He was pissed and hurt beyond what was even rational in this situation. He didn't even know what to think anymore. He slumped back against the wall and pressed his hands over his face. He didn't move until long after Umeda's clinic door was locked for the night.

/

Kagurazaka had no idea how he made it through the whole day of coaching without throttling the life out of Nakatsu the second he laid eyes on him the next morning. He was so pissed the whole day he could barely concentrate on his students. He knew he was being harsher than normal. Hell, they all looked like they wanted to crawl under rocks by the end of the training session. He felt guilty about it, but he couldn't make himself stop being angry. It didn't help that Nakatsu was right there in the corner of his vision no matter where he stood. It was worse because he was angry at himself. He was jealous and he felt betrayed, but he had no fucking right to be! The irrational feelings just made him more upset.

Soon as the students left for the day, he stomped across the field to where Nakatsu was discussing something with the track and field coach. Kagurazaka completely ignored the older coach (which he knew was the height of rudeness, but just couldn't care at the moment), and grabbed the blond by the arm. "I need to talk with you right now," he growled.

Nakatsu looked over and immediately recognized the expression on Zak's face. He was severely pissed off about something. He frowned, "I'm a little busy."

"It needs to be NOW." Zak spat, his hand tightening on the blond's arm.

Nakatsu started to get defensive, and then angry about feeling that way. He hadn't done anything to make Zak act this way. He hated that the man was making him feel guilty about something he didn't even know about yet. "What about?" he asked, trying to keep his voice even. He was not going to lose his temper in front of a senior coach.

"I'd rather talk in private, if you don't mind," the high jumper sounded like he was barely controlling his own anger.

"I do mind." Nakatsu replied in annoyance.

Zak snarled angrily before forcefully dragging the blond away. Nakatsu was to surprised to do anything at first. The man had never handled him like this before. Then he snapped out of his stunned daze and shoved the high jumper's hand off. "What the fuck, Kagurazaka?" He snapped. He glanced back to see they'd only gotten several yards away from the other coach. The volley ball and tennis coach had come over to see what the commotion was all about as well. The two younger men were being avidly watched by their seniors. He took a deep breath, trying to keep his voice down and his anger in check.

Zak, on the other hand, could not be so calm. He'd been on a hot simmer all day, and now his temper and restraint were boiling over. "Did you sleep with Dr. Umeda?"

The blond's head snapped back around at the blunt, personal question. It had caught him completely off guard. Where the hell had Zak heard about this from? And what right did he have to pry into Nakatsu's life? He definitely didn't like the accusing tone of the high jumper's voice or the expression on his face that suggested Nakatsu had betrayed him somehow. Whatever calm he'd achieved a moment ago was gone in an instant to be replaced by indignant anger. "What's it to you?" he snarled.

Zak ignored the question. "Did you?" He pressed, stepping closer to the blond and getting in his face.

"Yeah, I did." Nakatsu lied. Let the man think whatever the hell he wanted. "Not that it's any of your damn business."

"So that's how you are now? You just sleep with whoever offers?" Zak's words were like punch in the gut to Nakatsu.

"You fucking bastard," Nakatsu growled. "I'm no one's whore if that's what you're implying. It's my business who I sleep with. It hasn't been any concern of yours in years!"

That jab made Zak see red. He grabbed the blond's wrist and yanked him closer until their noses were nearly touching. "How long did you wait after I left before you jumped into bed with someone else? I bet you were secretly overjoyed to get rid of me."

Nakatsu could only stare at him for several seconds in furious hurt. The man had no idea how he'd torn himself apart for months after Zak left him. Now all he was left with were broken promises and shattered hope. Yet, this man had the balls to accuse him like this? "Let go of me," he said, his voice steady and slow.

"Or what? Are you gonna fuck my brains out like you have been for everyone who seems semi-interested?" Zak asked venomously.

Nakatsu didn't realize his fist was moving until it punched Zak right in the mouth. The high jumper staggered back, hand flying up automatically to cup his mouth. He could taste blood. For a second, he was to stunned to think. They'd never hit each other before. Then the disbelief wore off and he reacted. He threw himself at Nakatsu with a snarl. Fists started flying. Neither even noticed the yelling of the other coaches. They were to intent on trying to hurt one another. They fought, twisted, kicked, and punched until somehow they ended up on the ground. They rolled around in the grass, scrabbling and swearing at each other. Zak managed to roll on top and get in one good punch before Nakatsu slammed his forehead into his nose. The high jumper reeled back, eyes streaming tears and nose dripping blood. Nakatsu flipped Zak onto his back and slammed his shoulders into the dirt. He rose up a bit to regain some breath when he suddenly noticed how eerily quiet it was around them. He looked over to see all the other coaches staring at them in horror. Over by the bleachers, he saw his three dedicated fan club students wide eyed and slack jawed at what they'd just witnessed. Across the field, Umeda was storming towards them with his white lab coat billowing out behind him. Nakatsu had never seen the man look so pissed off in his life.

"The both of you get up!" Umeda ordered furiously. "Go to my office right now!"

The two scrambled to their feet, reacting like they were still seventeen years old and automatically doing as they were told. They glanced at each other for a long, angry second.

"Now!" Umeda spat.

They both flinched and hurried back towards the school like chastised children. Umeda paused long enough to appease the other coaches before heading back towards his office. He couldn't believe something like this had happened. He was so angry he felt like he could kill them both. He stomped all the way back to the clinic, flung the door open, and slammed it shut. The two younger men jumped at the sudden loud noise.

"Sit down!" Umeda snapped, pointing at the two chairs in front of his desk. The two men scuttled over to the chairs and dropped into them. Umeda stomped around behind his desk, dragging his chair over, and sinking into it. "What the hell were you two thinking!?"

They both shrank back a little. Neither of them had ever been caught in Umeda's wrath before. It was rather terrifying. The man looked like a wildcat about to tear them to pieces. His amber eyes flashed with such angry intent it was hard not to flinch away. The two swapped glances but refused to answer.

"Do you two want to be fired?" Umeda growled. Both looked horrified by that question. Nakatsu shook his head like a naughty child. Zak just looked sullen. He had his arms crossed over his chest and was staring fixedly at the floor. Umeda didn't even want to look at them. It just pissed him off all over again. "Behaving like ridiculous teenagers and fighting in front of the other coaches is a sure way to get kicked out of your job! If the students had seen that, we wouldn't even be having this conversation. You would have been escorted off the premises immediately. Osaka High does not tolerate this kind of asinine behavior from the students. It certainly won't tolerate it from the coaches or teachers. How would that look to have two prestigious athletes fired because they couldn't even be civil? What the fuck was that about anyways?!" Again, neither man said anything. Umeda was ready to choke them both. "Out with it!"

They both jumped. Nakatsu sank further down into his seat like he wanted to disappear.

"I found out you slept with Nakatsu!" Zak finally snapped furiously.

Umeda blinked in surprise then scowled. "We didn't slept together."

"But Nakatsu said you did!" The high jumper glared at the blond on his right.

"It was none of your fucking business anyways. Maybe I wanted you to think I had," Nakatsu shot back nastily.

Umeda rubbed the bridge of his nose in irritation. "Even if we had Kagurazaka, what is the issue with it?"

Zak shifted in his seat uncomfortably. He didn't know how to explain himself without sounding like a fool. "You're both part of the teaching staff. You're not supposed to…" He couldn't say it again. Just the thought made him burn with rage.

"It's discouraged, yes, but not punishable." Umeda replied evenly. "We're all adults here, Kagurazaka. We can sleep with whomever we want." Zak clenched his jaw and glared. Umeda sighed wearily. "You two need to get the fuck over yourselves. Work out your issues like adults. I don't know what it is about this school that makes you both behave like senseless children, but it cut it out. You're coaches now. You need to set a good example." They both looked thoroughly admonished and ashamed. "I'm not going to say anything to the principal about it. I've convinced the other coaches to keep their mouths shut too. But from here on out, I am not protecting either of you again." He stood up and shrugged out of his lab coat. "Now I'm going home. You two can stay and talk it out or you can leave. I don't give a shit, just lock the door when you leave." He slung on his coat, grabbed his wallet and keys before stomping out of the clinic with the door slamming shut in his wake.

The two sat there silently for a few minutes. Each was trying to think of something to say and failing miserably. They felt stupid for the way they'd behaved. Neither one had liked being lectured at as though they were badly behaved children. They were to old to be treated like that, but they'd deserved it.

"Why'd you think I slept with Umeda?" Nakatsu finally blurted. He had to know what had started this whole fight in the first place.

"I saw you two…in the hallway last night. You kissed," Kagurazaka explained curtly.

Nakatsu scrubbed a hand through his hair self consciously. "We didn't fuck."

"Yeah, I got that." Zak grumbled. "Why'd you lie about it?"

"I wanted you to believe I had." Nakatsu muttered.

Zak scowled. "Why the hell would you do that?"

"Because it obviously bothered you and at least you were acting like you gave a damn about me," Nakatsu replied tersely.

Zak didn't know what to say to that. He knew he'd hurt Nakatsu the other night by rejecting him like that. He glanced at the blond as he dabbed at his blooded nose. "I guess I deserved this," he admitted quietly, looking down at the blood on his fingers.

"Maybe." Nakatsu smiled a little.

"You were right that it wasn't any of my business," the high jumper conceded, though it burned like bile in his throat to say it. "I lost my place in your life years ago, and it was my own damn fault."

Nakatsu's eyes shuttered almost shut at that statement, trying to hide the ball of hurt that had formed in his chest at those words. "You never lost it."

"I never should have made that promise," it was the second time Zak had said that. Nakatsu wanted to hit him all over again for it. "It was cruel and selfish."

"Yeah. It was, especially since you never meant it," Nakatsu said bitterly.

Zak flinched. "I meant it. But life changes things…"

They were silent again for several moments.

"It was cancer," Zak blurted. Nakatsu deserved to know everything. "It just seemed to all happen overnight. One year she was there and the next she was gone." He bit his lip, trying to stop the barrage of memories of his last moments with her. He felt shameful thinking of her while sitting near the man he loved and had vowed to return too. She'd have hated him for this. "Haruni and I are still in shock."

"I understand." Nakatsu murmured. He'd expected to much from. He knew it wasn't fair to be upset about it.

"This wasn't how I pictured us meeting again," Zak admitted.

"Yeah. Me either," The blond smiled sadly.

"I was counting down the years until I could escape. I hoped to God every night that you'd wait for me. I pictured it being a happy reunion…then fucking like rabbits." Zak didn't know why he was confessing all this. It was pouring out of him and he couldn't stop it. It was cathartic to get it out in the open though.

Nakatsu snorted a laugh. "That's about how I pictured it."

"We've both changed so much."

"Yes."

"And she's still stuck in my head. 6 years of marriage and I think I only truly began to love her the last year she was alive. How pathetic is that? She deserved so much better than me." Zak whispered, voice choked with so much raw emotion.

The blond clenched his hands into fists. "At least you loved her in the end."

"I was told I have survivor's guilt." Zak leaned forward and laced his fingers together. "But it's not just that. I feel like I betrayed you by loving her. And I feel like I'm betraying her by still loving you. It hurts to be near you."

Nakatsu swallowed hard at that statement. "And you think it doesn't hurt me too?" Zak looked away from him. "Will you ever be able to come back to me?"

"I don't know." Zak murmured reluctantly.

"Fuck," Nakatsu barked. "So what am I supposed to do?"

"Find someone else," the high jumper whispered. "I'm not the same man. You'd just be disappointed with me anyways."

"I already am! You've turned into a spineless coward! That fight on the field was the most passion I've seen out of you since you've been here! You've no fighting spirit and that's what I loved about my Zak!" Nakatsu jumped to his feet. "I can't believe I waited so long for you! If you'd had no intention of coming back you should have had the balls to tell me a long time ago!" He glared down at Zak. "I have no desire to be with such a pathetic man!"

Zak curled in on himself. Nakatsu's words hurt worse than the physical blows he'd received in their earlier fight. The blond stood there hoping Zak would get angry and prove him wrong. Another moment passed, and the high jumper did no such thing. Nakatsu glared for a few seconds more before storming out of the room. Zak dropped his head in his hands the moment the door swung shut in the man's wake. Nakatsu's words still rang in his head. The stress and tension of all that had happened over the last few weeks finally caught up to him. He wrapped one arm tight around his stomach while the other one pressed across his eyes as the first sharp sob heaved past his lips.

/

Nakatsu hadn't even gotten to the other side of the school before his path was blocked by his three most dedicated fan club students.

"Ugh," Nakatsu groaned at the sight of them. "You three…"

They all flinched at that. Nakatsu instantly felt bad.

"I'm sorry," He apologized immediately. "It's been a rough day."

"We know," Takedo said, fiddling with his fingers. "See part of it may have been our fault. So we came to apologize."

The blond's face took on a baffled expression. "What? Look, you kids have nothing-."

"Yes, we did, Nakatsu-sensei!" Saito interrupted. "We made a pact to protect you, but all it did was get you in trouble! We didn't mean to do that! We didn't know Kagurazaka-sensei was there listening to us! We thought everyone was gone! So really it was our fault-!"

"Hold on!" Nakatsu half shouted to cut off the boy's confusing confession. "What are you talking about?"

All three went silent. Nakatsu was hanging on to his patience by a thread. He wanted to go home. He was exhausted emotionally, and he hurt physically. He hadn't gotten into a fight like that in years. It didn't help that it was with the last person he ever wanted to fight. He glanced down the hall of empty classrooms. The building was silent. He opened the nearest door to them and ushered the boys inside. He wanted more privacy for the rest of this conversation. He had a feeling he wasn't gonna like what he heard. "Out with it, please," he sighed tiredly.

"We know you slept with Umeda-sensei," Takedo admitted quietly.

"Oh God," the blond felt sick for a minute. "Why would you think that?"

"We heard you yesterday. Umeda offered and you said yes. We didn't stick around to see what happened, but figured you'd…you know," Takedo shuffled his feet nervously.

Nakatsu covered his face with hands. "Please explain what Kagurazaka has to do with it. And why were you even at the clinic yesterday at that time?"

"Well, like Saito said, we've been trying to protect you. We thought we were doing a pretty good job. One of us has been following you whenever we can…" Takedo answered.

"You've been stalking me?" Nakatsu dropped his hands to glare at the youth.

"No…not really." Takedo muttered defensively.

"Yes," the other two boys said.

"But with good intentions!" Saito reminded with a sheepish smile.

"So anyways, one of us found out you slept with Umeda. He was telling us about it in the athletic locker room under the bleachers. We thought it was safe. We sure everyone had left or wasn't around. Then all the sudden, Kagurazaka-sensei walked in. He looked so pissed. He told us to go back to our dorms. We just thought he was made we were there after hours. I guess he must have heard what we'd been talking about. We didn't know, I swear!" Takedo finished in a rush.

"That's how he really found out," Nakatsu murmured. How had everything gotten so fucked up so fast? It was all one big tangle of misunderstanding. He and Umeda hadn't even fucked. This was like a shitty game of telephone game gone horrifically wrong. The results had been disastrous. He felt like someone was squeezing his throat shut with all the emotion welling up inside him. It was to much for him to take anymore. He'd been holding it back for to long. He was ten seconds away from a meltdown. He needed to get away from here before these students saw him lose it. "Thanks for being honest. I appreciate it," he managed to whisper. "Now please go back to your dorms."

"Nakatsu-sensei…?" Mori spoke up for the first time, looking worried.

"Please, just go. I know you guys meant well," he said a little desperately.

The three boys stood there awkwardly, uncertain on what to do. They didn't want to leave their teacher alone looking so sad. On the other hand, seeing a grown up lose it was kind of a scary prospect.

"No," Takedo finally said as firmly as he could. "It's ok, sensei." He reached out and took the blond's arm, intending to guide him over to a chair to sit down. The poor guy looked like he was about to collapse.

Nakatsu couldn't help himself the moment the boy touched his arm. It felt like all the hurt, anger, disappointment, and wounded love that had been building inside broke through the barrier he'd been holding it behind. Hot tears welled in the corner of his eyes. He couldn't even think to stop it. A moment later, he was sobbing—gut wrenching, bone deep sobs. It was like 0 to 60 in less than a second on a rollercoaster. The reaction was out of his control before he could try to grasp it. He back pedaled until he hit the wall and slid down it. All he was aware of was the solid support at his back, the strong grip on his arm, and the flood of sorrow that felt like it was choking the life out of him. He felt someone else put an arm around his shoulder in awkward show of comfort. It only made him cry harder. Stuttered words spilled out of his mouth in a rush; broken, angry, and pained. He could hear himself saying things like, 'he doesn't want me', 'I waited', and 'I hate him.' He didn't care how childish or petulant he sounded. He just hurt. He didn't know how long he cried.

By the time, he started to calm his body ached from sitting on a cold tile floor in the same position for to long. He felt drained and very tired all of the sudden. He slowly stretched out his numb legs and swiped his hand across his eyes. Someone handed him a tissue. He took it gratefully. After several deep breaths he managed to breathe without a shutter in between anymore. The hand on his arm gave him a squeeze, reminding him just who was with him. He instantly felt ashamed and horrified for losing it in front of them.

"Sorry," he whispered, voice sounding shot out.

"It's alright, sensei," Mori reassured him, letting go of his shoulder self consciously.

He looked at them and smiled shakily. Saito smiled back brightly from his squatted position in front of him. "Thanks, guys."

They were all quiet as he continued to pull himself back together. They helped him get back to his feet as soon as his legs stopped tingling from sitting awkwardly for too long.

"Um, sensei, how long have you…," Takedo cleared his throat before saying with some embarrassment, "you know, loved him?"

Nakatsu smiled sadly. "Since I was a senior here in high school. I've known him since I was your age."

"Wow." Saito's eyes got big.

"That's a long time." Mori said.

"Yeah." Nakatsu looked uncomfortable. It felt weird telling these teenagers about a part of his life few people knew about outside of his close friends. "So, uh, thanks again. You guys go back now."

They looked hesitant.

"I'll be fine. I'm going home too." He assured them.

"Ok, sensei." Takedo conceded.

They followed him out into the hallway before shuffling off a little ways. They seemed reluctant to leave him, like they thought he might fall apart again as soon as they left. He kinda felt like he might. Crying had helped to some degree. Now he was more tired and drained than before his episode. He sighed as they lingered by the door at the end of the hall.

"Do you want to walk with me to the gate?" Nakatsu asked resignedly on the way past them.

They perked up at that and agreed. He felt like a mother duck with his ducklings following in his wake. If Umeda were still around he'd be laughing at Nakatsu's followers. The thought of Umeda made him stop up short. He turned around to face them with a worried look on his face. They immediately all looked edgy.

"Who else knows about what happened yesterday?" Nakatsu asked.

"No one," Mori answered for them.

"Just us, Umeda, Kagurazaka-sensei, and you," Takedo amended that statement.

Nakatsu' shoulders sagged in relief. God, the last thing he needed was another scandal. He didn't want to lose this job. He and Zak had almost fucked that up this afternoon. He was thankfully there had been no one else around to see that fight but some of the other coaches, Umeda, and apparently these three. If any other students had seen it, he and Zak would have been dismissed for sure. "For the record, Umeda-sensei and I didn't…do what you think we did," he cleared his throat in embarrassment.

"But I thought-!" Saito didn't get a chance to finish before Mori slapped a hand over his mouth.

Nakatsu smiled (albeit weakly) at their antics. "It's alright. Just don't repeat what happened to anyone."

"We won't. We promise." Takedo swore sincerely.

The other two promised as well. Nakatsu felt a little better when they finally reached the gate. They all exchanged good byes before he turned away to go home. He was relieved to finally be heading back to the solitude of his own apartment. He felt like burying himself in a couple cans of beer and a bad movie. He didn't feel like thinking about anything significant for the rest of the night.

When he got home, he barely made it through 2 beers and a fourth of the movie he'd chosen before he passed out on the couch. All the emotional and physical exhaustion had finally caught up to him. He couldn't have fought it off if he tried. If he dreamed about high school days when shit was so much easier, he didn't remember it in the morning.


	7. Halfway Gone

You got one foot out the door  
And choking on the other  
Always think there's something more  
It's just around the corner

Talk, talk is cheap  
Give me a word you can keep

Cause I'm halfway gone and I'm on way  
And I'm feeling, feelin, feelin this way  
Cause you're halfway in but don't take too long  
Cause I'm halfway gone, I'm halfway gone

-Halfway Gone, By: Lifehouse

Nakatsu had been to hurt and upset to remember that alcohol when combined with stressful emotions gave him nightmares. Later, he'd wished he'd had the good sense not to drink so much. He wasn't the type to drink himself into oblivion, so he never got used to these kinds of consequences. No matter how many weeks, months, or years passed the sting of this particularly nightmarish memory would never go away…

"So look, this has been fun, but I'm out."The man's husky voice spoke callously. The same voice that madeNakatsurock hard in seconds and sent shivers down his spin. Now, the man's voice was having just the opposite effect. It was like having a bucket of icy water thrown in his face.

Nakatsublinked in stunned confusion. "What?"

"I hate to break it to you, babe, but this was just a story to me." The older man smirked slyly.

"A story? What the hell are you talking about?"Nakatsusnapped, fear warring with anger. He already had a sinking feeling in his gut that he knew exactly what this meant.

"There's been a rumor for years that you're gay, but no one has ever been able to prove it. I just had to find out. I knew it was juicy gossip just waiting to happen. So I talked my boss into letting me find out. You're to trusting, kid. You should be more careful who you sleep with," the man slapped him on the shoulder with a chuckle.

Nakatsuswallowed hard as bile rose up the back of his throat. "So you were only ever a reporter trying to get a scoop. You don't care about me at all or how much this will hurt my reputation?"

"No hard feelings,Nakatsu. Secrets like these are gold mines for people like me. I'vegottamake a living. I enjoyed my time with you, but it was a means to an end." The reporter shrugged nonchalantly.

Nakatsuwanted to punch him right in his handsome face. He wasn't going to stoop that low though. He'd keep his pride anddignity. No matter what this man printed he'd survive it. Still the betrayal was like a knife in the back. He couldn't believe someone could be this cruel just for a fucking story.

"Since you already know what I've got on you, why don't you fill me in on another tidbit of information? It can't hurt your reputation anymore than what'sgoing to already be printed…" The man leaned towards him and smiled like they were the best of buddies.

Nakatsugave him a hateful glare and stood up from the bar. "I think you've got enough for your story."

"I do, but I just have to know…did you ever fuckKagurazakaMakato? You two were awful close in college," the man insinuated deviously.

Oh no, this information wouldn't hurtNakatsu'sreputation further than what was about to happen. No, it would demolitionKagurazaka'smoral character. He would never allow that to happen. He turned back to sneer at the older man. "Maybe I did or maybe I didn't. You'll never know for sure. Print whatever you want about me, but just understand that karma comes back around."

The reporter looked angry at the veiled threat, butNakatsudidn't give him a chance to say anymore.

A loud piercing buzz jerked him out of that terrible remembrance. The alarm clock was vibrating dramatically on the night stand. He stared blurrily at the head board of his bed, trying to marshal the proverbial lid back on his bad memories where it belonged. He couldn't believe he'd dreamed about that horrible asshole. Maybe he'd been reminded of it, because of the shit that had happened yesterday. Betrayals just seemed to be the norm for him where ex-lovers were concerned. He pulled the pillow further over his head trying to block out the pervading squawk of the alarm clock. The pillow wouldn't block out the angry complaints of his body though. His head was pounding an unpleasant rhythm behind his eyeballs. His stomach gurgled a warning that meant 'evacuate now!'

Nakatsu groaned and fumbled for the alarm clock. He dragged it closer, squinting through hazy vision at the glowing red numbers. Fuck, an hour until work? There was no way he was gonna make it there on time. There was no way he could muster up the desire to face being near Kagurazaka today. The fight and the talk in the clinic were still to fresh in his mind. Not to mention the migraine increasing behind his eyes or the roiling of his stomach. He sighed miserably. He hated to take the easy way out, but for once he felt like he deserved it.

He reached for his cell phone and proceeded to call off sick.

/

Kagurazaka was only to grateful to show up to work that morning and not find Nakatsu there. He hadn't slept a wink last night. He couldn't make himself stop replaying Nakatsu's spiteful words or outraged expression. He'd deserved every bad thing the blond had said about him. That didn't make it easier to shut out though. He had been half tempted to call off work too. It was against his principle to do so unless he was close to death. He was a coward for being relieved not to have to face Nakatsu. He didn't care to much right this moment though. He was exhausted and emotionally drained. He knew his eyes were still red rimmed from crying yesterday. He probably looked like Frankenstein's ugly brother at this point.

None of the other coaches greeted him warmly like they usually did every morning. In fact, they barely glanced at him. He was obviously being shunned until they felt like he deserved forgiveness. One more pile of shit to add to the growing manure pile of life, he thought with depression.

He went about his normal routine for the whole day. He knew his foul mood was affecting his students. He tried his best to rein it in, but could do little about it. He'd never seen his students jump so poorly and the only person he could blame it on was himself. He dismissed them early before to much damage could be done to their delicate teenage egos.

He'd just begun to put away the practice equipment when a shadow fell across the mat in front of him.Three guesses who this could be, he thought grumpily. He looked up slowly and was not surprised by who he saw.

Umeda stood next to him, hands buried deep in his white coat pockets, and eyeing him like he was a pathetic wretch. Kagurazaka's shoulders drooped with defeat. He'd been half expecting the man to show up all day. Though, it didn't make him any easier to deal with now.

"Can I help you, Dr. Umeda?" He asked with forced politeness.

Umeda smirked. "Why yes, actually."

Kagurazaka straightened up from where he'd been leaning over to pick up mats. "What do you need?"

"Meet me in my office when you are finished cleaning up." Umeda said in an authoritative voice that brokered no arguments. "You and I need to have a talk."

The high jumper cringed visibly. "Can it wait until tomorrow?"

"No."

"Fine."

"Don't you dare try to leave until you stop by my office," the doctor warned him, the threat of punishment plain in his words.

Kagurazaka nodded, feeling like chastened child. "I'll be in shortly."

"Good." Umeda turned and strode away.

Kagurazaka took his sweet time putting all the practice equipment back where it belonged, logging everything back in, and taking stock of his inventory. When he felt like he'd delayed as long as he could he shut the equipment room door before locking it tight. He did a sweep of the locker rooms to make sure they were empty and then locked those tight too. He glanced up at the looming hulk of the school. He knew he should just get this dreaded talk over with as quickly as possible. He severely disliked how Umeda made him feel like he was a 16 year old punk again.

He strolled his way up to the main school building, down its halls, and finally to the corridor where the clinic was located. He knew it didn't matter how slow he walked. He was only delaying the inevitable. At length, he found himself in front of the clinic door and knocked politely. Umeda's voice immediately called for him to come in. He swung the door in and sidled into the room a few paces.

"Come in. Sit down." Umeda gestured at the chair in front of his desk. "Coffee? Tea?"

Kagurazaka shook his head. "No, thank you." He made his way over to the chair and sank slowly down onto it.

Umeda eyed him speculatively and leaned back in his chair. The younger man looked at him in baffled irritation. A few moments passed by in tense silence.

"What do you want?" Kagurazaka barked after a minute.

"I see some of your passionate side is coming back," Umeda remarked. "Of course, the fight with your ex-lover was a bit explosive for being so reclusive lately."

"I am not reclusive."

The doctor smiled in amusement. "If you say so."

"Look what is this about?" Kagurazaka snapped.

"It's about you and Nakatsu."

"There's nothing between me and him anymore. I explained it to him the other night. He deserves better than me."

Umeda smirked. "I agree with that last statement. But you've been acting like a moron."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because you are saying one thing, but not fully believing that thing yourself," Umeda replied nonchalantly.

Kagurazaka stared at him in disbelief. "What?"

"You said you're guilty about your wife's death, right?" Umeda sat forward and propped his elbows up on his desk, before folding his hands under his chin. His piercing amber eyed gaze seemed disturbingly shrewd.

"Yes." The high jumper answered after a moment. He was leaning back further in his chair in an unconscious effort to put more space between himself and the other man.

"You have stated that you loved her when she died. That your love for her and the love you still hold for Nakatsu are what is eating your conscience, am I correct?" Umeda went on.

"Yes."

Umeda's right eyebrow arched up in an almost mocking gesture. "You're lying."

Kagurazaka jumped to his feet, startled and offended. "What!?"

"You never loved your wife, did you? Not even the last year she was alive and dying from cancer. You admired her. You loved her strength and courage in the face of adversity, but you never loved her." The doctor pointed out coolly.

His words struck like an arrow to the heart. Kagurazaka sank back down into his chair. It felt like someone had stolen all the strength right out of him. The realization was like a blinding light in his mind. He'd deceived himself into believing what he felt for his wife was love, but he'd been wrong. And he'd known it. Yet, he'd felt horrendously guilty that while she had been suffering and dying, he could not give her the one thing a wife truly deserved to have from her husband. He couldn't love her. He'd been ashamed with himself for feeling that way. Ashamed that he'd still clung to a love for another man that he didn't even deserve to have anymore. He'd shut himself off from the world. He'd closed down inside trying to hide the truth from himself. He'd become exactly what Nakatsu had accused him of; a coward.

"I couldn't," he whispered. "She hated that I loved Nakatsu. And I was ashamed that even while she was lying in a hospital bed dying, that I wanted to be with someone else. I felt guilty that she died without ever having the husband she truly wanted. I was disgusted with myself for being relieved that she was gone so I could be free." He bent forward, feeling sick to his stomach. "I fucked up everyone's lives that I cared about. My wife, my daughter, and Nakatsu. All because my family saw it as my duty to rescue our temple."

Umeda's heart ached for this young man who had sacrificed so much trying to do the right thing only to have it backfire so badly. "You did fuck up. Big time."

Kagurazaka looked up, waiting to hear the rest of what the doctor had to say.

"But that's the past. You need to figure out what you want right now." Umeda continued. "The way you are carrying on now is hurting the ones you care about. You used to be someone great. You're an Olympic Champion. You need to find that person again. Man up, dammit, before you truly become pathetic."

The high jumper shifted his gaze to the window. The stadium and bleachers were closer than they seemed from this window. He remembered sitting out on the bleachers watching Nakatsu playing out on the soccer field and smiling excitedly. He'd been in his element. His fierce love and passion for the sport shone through every time he stepped on that field. It was those traits that had caught Kagurazaka's eye in the first place. Back then he'd been just as fierce about high jumping. Competition had been a constant itch to scratch within his sport. Perhaps he'd started to lose himself the day he had been injured and told he'd never jump again. Part of him had died that day. He'd never tried to jump after he'd healed. For some reason, he had let himself be beaten, but not by someone's ability to out jump him. He'd been beaten by a doctor with words that cut deep.

He looked back at Umeda. The man had given him a lot to think about. He stood up and walked to the door. He needed some more time to sort through it all in his mind. Umeda had unburied the ugly truths he'd been trying to hide. He couldn't just deny or try to ignore them anymore. He paused at the door and looked back.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

Umeda nodded solemnly. "You're welcome."

Kagurazaka walked out, shutting the door firmly behind him.

/

"How long do you think he's been sitting there?" Saito whispered.

The other two shrugged.

Kagurazaka didn't seem to have moved at all from his spot in the bleachers in the half hour they'd been watching him. The athletic field had felt weird that day without Nakatsu-sensei there. It was even more awkward feeling with Kagurazaka-sensei being in a somber mood and the older coaches watching the man like a hawk. None of the other students knew what was going on. They couldn't seem to concentrate because of the negative atmosphere. It'd been a relief to get dismissed early by their substitute coach. They, of course, had not gone back to their dorms like the other students. Since Nakatsu was not there to guard, they'd taken to watching Kagurazaka.

"I can't believe Kagurazaka-sensei made Nakatsu-sensei cry like that." Mori muttered, over protective anger flaring righteously in his expression.

"I think Kagurazaka-sensei was just as upset." Takedo soothed the taller boy.

"Do you think he misses Nakatsu-sensei and that's why he got upset?" Saito asked curiously.

Takedo nodded. "Yeah. I mean, we all saw how pissed off he was about finding out about Umeda-sensei and Nakatsu-sensei."

"I wonder if Kagurazaka-sensei fell in love with his wife and ditched Nakatsu-sensei," Saito pondered aloud.

"No." Takedo rolled his eyes. "Nakatsu-sensei said he waited. Why would he wait if Kagurazaka-sensei ditched him?"

Saito shrugged irritably. "Well, I dunno. Something's screwed up about the whole thing though."

The other two agreed.

They watched the high jump coach twist his wedding band around his finger for a moment before taking it off to look at it. He rolled it between his fingers for a moment like he was considering something. He held out like he was thinking of throwing it. Slowly, he slipped the ring back on his finger and stared up at the overcast sky above him. After a moment, he shifted and dropped his eyes away from the clouds he'd been looking at. He slowly stood up before making his way down the bleachers. The trio froze when he caught sight of them loitering by the stadium gate. He paused for half a moment before continuing on. They all let out a collective sigh of relief. The last thing they wanted was to be yelled at again.

"Maybe we should leave them alone." Mori suggested.

"Hell no!" Takedo protested. "Those two are obviously still into each other. We are supposed to be protecting Nakatsu-sensei and that means his happiness too! It's our job to help them get back together!"

Mori shook his head. "We've done more harm than good."

"Then we'll have to make up for it!" Takedo exclaimed vehemently.

"How are we supposed to do that?" Saito asked skeptically.

Takedo got a sly smile on his face. "Well, I've got an idea…" He began to explain it to them quietly.

At the end of his proposal, the other two boys looked at him like he was crazy.

"I think that's a terrible idea," Mori remarked.

"It'll never work! That only works in movies! If it goes wrong and we get caught, we'll be in sooo much trouble!" Saito pointed out.

"But if it goes right we could be making them very happy! I think it's worth the risk. What's the worst that could happen to us? Suspension for a few days? C'mon guys, this is about true love!" Takedo proclaimed ardently.

Mori looked undecided. "I dunno."

"Seriously, you guys. We can pull this off!" Takedo pressed.

The other two boys looked at each other and shrugged.

"Fine," Mori agreed.

"I'm blaming it all on you if this fails," Saito put in.

Takedo threw his arms over his pals' shoulders and steered them towards the dorms. "Alright then, the first thing we need to do is…"

/

The apartment was to quiet to Kagurazaka. He lay in bed staring at the ceiling. He should have been asleep about two hours ago. He couldn't make himself stop thinking about everything that Umeda had said. The gnawing guilt that had been eating away at his soul ever since his wife died seemed like a choking vice tonight. She deserved so much better than him. He felt a flash of anger at her father for forcing them both into that wretched agreement. He wondered if she'd ever been in love before or after marrying him. If she hadn't he only felt more guilty and sorry for her. He at least had known what it was like to live beside the person he loved.

He lifted his left hand up in front of his face and stared at his wedding band for what felt like the hundredth time that day. Would she have hated him for leaving her after Hiromi turned 18, especially knowing it was to return to Nakatsu? Would she have found someone else to be happy with? All the what ifs didn't really matter anymore. She was dead. And he was still alive. He'd spent the last 6 years living a lie. For what? To save his family's temple at the price of his own happiness? At what point do you draw the line between loyalty to your family and loyalty to the person you love? Someone should never have to make such a choice. But he had, and it had been the wrong one.

He'd never regret Hiromi. She was his little girl. The second love of his life. He just hoped she would understand it all someday. Maybe she understood more now than he gave her credit for. He knew she only wanted her father to be happy.

He'd buried his true self so far down over the last few years that when he looked in a mirror these days he had no idea who was staring back at him. Well, he was done with hiding and denying. He'd fucked up long enough. Umeda was right about him becoming pathetic. His teenage self would have beaten the shit out of him for being like this. He smiled at that thought. He was tired of living in the past and from day to day. It was time to step into his future and stop regretting every move he'd made since after college.

Most of all he needed to be someone that Nakatsu could be proud to be with again. It didn't hurt to be near Nakatsu because it felt like he was betraying his wife's memory. No, it hurt to be near the blond, because he was so much stronger and passionate than Kagurazaka right now. Nakatsu seemed almost unchanged from his teenage self. He still had the strength, youth, and vitality of a boy yet he'd become a mature, handsome man. He was everything Zak wanted to be, but was not anymore.

Zak took a deep breath and yanked the wedding band off his ring finger. He threw it across the room. It landed somewhere in the dark, but he didn't care where. He'd almost done it earlier at the bleachers, but couldn't bring himself to do it. Well, that was the old him. He was starting over. Tomorrow morning, he was going to be a new person. He smiled fiercely to himself, feeling the swell of excitement and inspiration burning in his chest.

The first thing he was going to do tomorrow was jump.


	8. Breaking Out

He counts the days, wishin' he could get away  
Stuck in the rut of an empty routine  
Nowhere to go with his hopes and his dreams  
Prepare himself for the moment of his great escape  
And tonight, he's gonna make his move  
Take a chance and risk it all  
Tonight, he's gonna cut it loose  
Never looking back

Breaking out, into the night  
Breaking out, he's taking flight  
Breaking out, out in the street  
Breaking out, gotta break free

\- Breaking Out, LauraBranigan

There was a time when looking at the high bar used to thrill Kagurazaka right to his core. It had been the mark of a challenge. It had been something by which he'd set his standards of excellence. It was a constantly calling mistress of competition that kept him on his toes and made him strive to be the best. Yet, standing before the high bar now made his hands break out in a nervous sweat. It had been two years since he'd successfully completed a jump. He no longer had the physique of a jumper, nor the confidence he'd once had when facing down the brief sprint to that raised bar.

It was because he lacked confidence that he was standing here. He needed to jump in order to find his true self again. He'd promised himself last night that he would no longer run or hide from anything. This was his test. This was his show of resolve that he must overcome to be able to move forward with his life.

He took a deep breath and rolled his shoulders. He could do this. How many hundreds of times had he done this in years past? It'd been as easy as breathing. He bounced on the balls of his feet, closing his eyes to visualize his take off. One more long, deep breath…

He could do this.

He sprinted towards the pole, determination and anxiety speeding his feet on. His heart pounded heavy in his chest. Once it would have been because of the thrill and the assurance of knowing he was in his element. Now, it was fear and nerves that sped him forward. The bar was suddenly right in front of him. He made his approach…

And jumped.

The rush of air past his face was like a blast to the past. A reminder of the freedom he used to taste when for a few seconds in a moment he would pretend to fly. Yet, he knew before his feet even left pavement he was to close and had miscalculated his jump. His body arched towards the bar and his legs snapped behind him. He floundered in midair as a sharp stab of pain knifed from his knee, taking his breath away with its intensity. He slammed into the bar with a crash. A second later, he was laying flat on his back, cringing in pain, and staring up at the bright blue sky.

"Fuck," he sighed. Well, that had been less than successful. He knew he shouldn't have expected to much after so long. Really though, that jump had just been pathetic. Now, he fully understood how Sano must have felt all those years ago when he'd begun to jump again. He'd been such an asshole to harass the boy. Of course, it was only now that he realized what a huge douchebag he'd been. There was one major difference though. Sano had been 16 years old; still young enough to get over such an injury and start over. Zak was 28 years old and by all rights would have been close to retiring from high jumping by now anyways.

He lay on his back staring at the sky and wondered what he was doing. Could he really fix everything he'd fucked up by jumping? It'd seemed to make sense last night while he'd been lying in bed. He closed his eyes and sighed. I will not be defeated, he thought crossly. I am not a quitter. He never had been until recently. It didn't matter how old he was. It didn't matter that some stupid doctor had told him that he could never jump again. His leg be damned. He'd grit his teeth and master the pain. He needed to jump. He hadto jump. He would not allow for any other option. He needed to re-grow a set of balls and do this shit.

He sat up, more determined now than before, and ran through what had gone wrong on the first attempt. He'd been to scared. It had clouded his judgment. He needed a clear, focused mind to make a good, clean jump. Practice what you preach, he chided himself. Focus! Watch your approach. He nodded to himself curtly as he stood up and strode back to the starting line. He stretched out some more and bounced on the balls of his toes as he stared down the high bar. He took a deep breath, emptied his mind of any stray thoughts, and took off.

This time his approach was much better. He jumped, arcing his head, shoulders, and back over the bar. He felt a brief moment of triumph, before his heels caught and yanked the bar down with a loud clang. He landed on his back with a soft whump. He had been so close. His technique this time had been spot on. What was lacking was his physical strength. The only cure for that was to keep trying until he built up his muscles again.

He rolled to his feet and replaced the bar on the poles. He was not going to give up until he cleared that damn bar.

He didn't care if it took him days, months, or years. He was going to do this.

/

It wasn't like Umeda to be early to work. In fact, he hated even getting up early and was a real grump until coffee awakened him properly. He'd been up by dawn this morning for no reason at all. He just woke straight up like someone had prodded him in the back. He'd tried to roll over to go back to sleep, but it was a futile effort. Eventually he'd given up and gotten his morning started. So now, here he was walking past the exercise field towards Osaka High and his little corner of hell…er, clinic, a whole hour earlier than he normally did.

A frustrated shout suddenly echoed off the bleachers. Umeda stopped mid-stride in surprise. Who the hell was out there so early in the morning? The coaches didn't even need to be here for another hour. Frowning in puzzlement, he walked around the corner of the bleacher just in time to see Kagurazaka race towards a practice high bar.

Is he seriously about to-? Umeda's brain couldn't even finish the thought before Kagurazaka launched himself at the high bar. For a brief second, the younger man's form was perfect and just as powerfully stunning as the doctor remembered from the Olympics. Then the illusion shattered. The back of the high jumper's knees caught the high bar and yanked down on top of him. He can't get enough height, Umeda realized. Before he'd even realized what he was doing, he was halfway across the field.

Kagurazaka beat his fists off the pads. "Fuck!" He snapped irritably.

"How long have you been out here?" Umeda asked curiously, as he drew within hearing distance.

The high jumper jumped to his feet in shock. He relaxed soon as he saw who it was. Kagurazaka shrugged indifferently. "Since sunrise at least."

"Ugh," the doctor groaned at the mere thought of doing anything that early. "So you decided to jump again?"

"Yeah."

"Have you cleared the bar at all?" The probability of that happening was very low. He wasn't surprised when the younger man shook his head negatively. "Hmmm, you should wrap that knee better. It's to weak to be of much help without proper support."

Kagurazaka looked down at the simple knee brace he'd put on. It was the one he usually wore when he had to run. It had been good enough in those instances. Umeda was right though. It wasn't strong enough to hold up to the different strain jumping put on his leg.

"Come by the clinic and I'll let you borrow one." Umeda said nonchalantly before continuing on towards the school. It was to chilly for him to be standing around out here for longer than necessary.

"I'll be in soon as I shower." The younger man replied, heading towards the locker room.

Umeda waved and continued on his way to the clinic.

/

A knock on the door startled the doctor out of his half hearted inventory of various wraps and braces he had shelved in a metal storage cabinet. Umeda peered around the storage door to see Kagurazaka standing awkwardly in the doorway. He waved the younger man impatiently inside the clinic.

"I deliberately left the door open so you could come right in," Umeda pointed out with an amused smirk.

Kagurazaka looked a little sheepish. "I didn't want to be rude."

The doctor snorted in disbelief before picking up the brace he'd picked out for the high jumper to use. He swung the cabinet doors shut and locked them. "Here. Give this a try next time you jump."

The high jumper took it. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Umeda said, and gestured at the chair in front of his desk. "Sit. Have some coffee with me."

Kagurazaka sat down slowly, sensing another lecture coming on. It wasn't worth asking whether he had a choice in listening to it or not. He'd already learned that Umeda was going to have his say no matter what. He accepted the cup of coffee gratefully. He could at least enjoy the damn good coffee the doctor made.

"I'm glad you seem to have found some spin again, but I think you're being a little reckless." Umeda remarked, after taking his seat behind his desk.

Zak frowned. "Why do you think that?"

"You haven't jumped in years. It's childish to think you can make even a beginner's jump on the first day. You need to start over from the beginning," The doctor explained patiently. "You're knee is weak. You need to strengthen it before you can even think of clearing that bar. You also need to get back in shape. You're asking to much from your body."

"Are you saying I'm out of shape?" the younger man scowled. He still considered himself to be in great shape. He wasn't fat by any means. He still had some pride in his physical appearance.

Umeda laughed. "Yes, I am. You no longer have the right muscle build up for a jumper. You need to gain that back before you even think about jumping. You're a coach. You should know all this."

"I do know all this, I just…," he trailed off in frustration.

"You expected more from yourself." Umeda finished.

Zak nodded slowly. "I'm an Olympic champion. I should be able to clear a beginner's bar easy."

"I understand, and a few years ago you could have. Right now, it's just not possible." The younger man slumped down in his chair with a furious glower. Umeda shook his head and smiled in amusement. "I'm not saying you can't do it. Just to start from the beginning and do it right. I'll even help you out if you want."

Zak looked up in surprise. "You'd help me jump again?"

"Sure. If it means you'll stop being pathetic," Umeda smirked.

Zak gave him an irritated look. "Fine." He bowed his head respectfully. "Please help me if you can."

"I will do my best." Umeda replied sincerely.

"Don't tell Nakatsu." Zak glared at the doctor.

Umeda bit back a smile. "I wouldn't dare…on one condition."

"What?"

"No early morning practices."

"Then when?"

Umeda thought about it. "After the afternoon practices when the other coaches go home."

Zak mulled over that idea for a minute. "I'd have to go pick up my daughter from daycare and come back."

"That's fine. It's better than getting up at dawn." Umeda made a face at the very idea.

"Ok, deal." Zak nodded.

"Deal." Umeda agreed. "And you're gonna need a good cover story to explain why you've suddenly become an exercise guru."

"I'll figure that out." Zak stood up.

"I just happen to have one…," Umeda remarked offhandedly.

The high jumper eye balled the older man sideways. "What?"

"These exercises are my own invention. I've not tried them regularly so I'd like to do something of a study." Umeda explained. "All I'm asking is that you use the exercises and if they work well, use them with your students. If you decide to use them with your students let me sit in on the high jump sessions and take notes. At the end, with your permission of course, I'll submit my new exercises to some various sports and medicinal magazines."

"That sounds fair." Zak consented. "Thank you."

Umeda smiled. "No problem. See you tomorrow afternoon."

"Right," Zak replied as he left. "Tomorrow."

/

It had been a week since Kagurazaka had started working with Dr. Umeda to strength training. Zak was actually very impressed by Umeda. The man was incredibly knowledgeable about athletic exercises. The high jumper could already feel the difference in himself. He didn't think he'd ever been so sore in his life. Some of the exercises Umeda had designed worked muscles Zak didn't even know he had. The burn and ache felt good though. He finally felt like he was getting closer to his goal. He worked out with a single minded intensity that he hadn't possessed in a long time.

To his amusement, Harumi took to working out with him like it was the latest fun game. When things got a little to boring she ran laps around him, encouraging him on like his own personal cheerleader. He was glad she didn't seem to mind hanging out with him during his workouts. In fact, she seemed happy to be able to spend extra time with Daddy.

"Daddy, you're not sad anymore?"

Harumi's sudden question broke the high jumper out of his thoughts. Zak looked over in surprise.

"What?"

"You're having fun again. So you can't be sad," she pointed out like it was totally obvious.

He paused to consider her words. "I think you're right, Harumi. I am not sad anymore. I have something I need to work for now."

She smiled brightly. "I'm glad. I missed my fun Daddy. You used to play with me a lot."

He sat down and pulled her into a tight hug. "I'm sorry I stopped being fun."

"You were sad." She patted his back to reassure him.

"Well, from now on I'm gonna try to be more fun." He said with determination.

She nodded. "Ok!"

He let her go and got back to his feet.

"Hey, Daddy…"

"Yes?"

"I'll race you!" She took off running across the track.

He huffed a laugh before taking off after her. She was right. It was damn good to be fun again.

/

Nakatsu was putting away the soccer equipment when he looked up and saw Umeda talking to Kagurazaka on the other side of the athletic field. This wasn't the first time he'd seen this unusual sight in the last two weeks. He'd seen Umeda demonstrating some weird stretches and training exercises. Nakatsu wondered why the hell Kagurazaka was taking an advice from the doctor who'd chastised him not to long ago. Nakatsu continued putting away equipment while furtively watching them out of the corner of his eye.

He chewed his lip thoughtfully when he saw Zak smile suddenly. Even from over here the effect was blinding. Gone was the strange man who'd taken the place of the Zak he'd known. It was like years had been shed in seconds. Zak looked so damned handsome when he smiled like that. For a brief moment, he was jealous that Umeda had been the one to make Zak smile like that. Then just as quickly he was happy that the high jumper seemed to have remembered how to smile. Now he was even more suspicious about what these two were up to. Knowing Umeda it had to be something devious…

He waited impatiently for Umeda to leave before striding over to address Kagurazaka.

"Just out of curiosity, what is it you are doing with Umeda?" Nakatsu asked, trying to appear casual about it.

Zak fought back the knowing smirk he felt crawling across his face. Nakatsu had always sucked at being subtle or lying for that matter. He was just to honest and straight forward. Zak on the other hand was aware that he could be a manipulative asshole. "Why do you care?"

"I thought you hated him. You better not have black mailed him or something," Nakatsu glared.

"I think your boyfriend can take care of himself."

The soccer player scowled. "He is not my boyfriend!"

"Whatever. Fuck buddy then…"

"He's not that either! And stop dodging the question!"

Zak was impressed. Usually, redirecting Nakatsu's attention worked at making him forget whatever it was he was asking about. Nakatsu had apparently learned how to avoid that tactic.

"He's showing me some new exercises that he made up to help my students gain more strength to improve their jumping skills. I am testing out the exercises to see how well they work in strength training before teaching them to my students. We're doing a joint project on the results of the new exercises." Zak lied smoothly. It was actually the truth. He was doing all of that, but he was using it to also improve his jumping as well. So if someone wanted to be technical, he was lying by omitting the entire truth. "Umeda is, after all, a highly respected youth sports therapist. He'll be publishing his findings on the project when we are finished."

"So you're the guinea pig?"

"At this point, yes."

Nakatsu narrowed his eyes and frowned suspiciously. "Uh huh."

Zak stared at him blandly.

"Ok then…," Nakatsu shrugged dismissively. "Just don't cause Umeda any trouble. And for the record, there is nothing between him and me."

Zak was actually very relieved to hear that. He hadn't really wanted to think about the two of them being together. That would really make his current jumping efforts seem like a waste. After all, he was jumping to improve himself for Nakatsu. If the soccer player ended up with someone else, Zak would feel like a really big idiot for even bothering. Or maybe he wouldn't. With two weeks of training under his belt his old confidence was coming back. It wasn't so much to prove himself to Nakatsu anymore. It was about proving to himself that he was better than the weak asshole he'd turned into during his marriage.

Thus far his efforts didn't seem to be wasted, even if he hadn't tried to jump again yet. The strength in his body was returning. He limped less with each passing day. He may always have a slight limp, but he would never be as pronounced again. The stronger he felt, the more positive his attitude became and it was showing. His students were improving as they learned to relax more around him. They were no longer leery of him like they had been previously when all he did was scowl and sulk. They could sense that something had changed in their coach. Harumi's childish exuberance for life was back too. She laughed and smiled around him again. He hadn't realized she had been so subdued. He was shocked by how much he'd missed by being buried in his own continuous self-inflicted despair.

"You seem different lately," Nakatsu blurted suddenly. "Not that I've been watching or anything…you know, it's just hard not to notice…" He trailed off, looking embarrassed.

Zak smirked. Of course, he'd been watching Zak's every move. "I've been feeling better lately."

"Yeah, it shows," the blond cleared his throat. "So yeah, anyways, don't give Umeda a hard time."

"Right." Zak rolled his eyes and walked away. "I'll lock up! You can go home."

Nakatsu wasn't quite sure what was going on, but he wasn't fooled. Zak was up to something. He didn't dare pin his hopes that Zak had pulled his head out of his ass at long last. It would be nice if he could talk to the high jumper someday without feeling like they were dodging the elephant in the room. Maybe Zak was finally beginning to come out of his funk. Nakatsu could hope a little for that. Even if all they could ever be from this point of was friends, then he would take it. No matter how much it hurt to think that he'd never have what they use to. He was an adult. He could handle it (even if it killed him on the inside). He just wanted to see the man start being himself again. He still wasn't so sure on this sudden truce between Umeda and Zak. Something was going on and he was going to find out what it was, dammit!


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight  
Now I know we said things,   
did things that we didn't mean  
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine  
But your temper's just as bad as mine is, you're the same as me  
But when it comes to love, you're just as blinded  
Baby, please come back, it wasn't you, baby, it was me  
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems  
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano  
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though-  
EMINEM - LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE LYRICS

 

The dedicated three (as the boys were beginning to think of themselves) peered around the side of the bleachers, watching as Nakatsu and Kagurazaka continued to clean up the equipment for the day. It had taken several weeks of careful planning to get to this point. Several plans had been run through then dropped, because the details just didn't work out. Takedo was determined to give his hare brained scheme a try though. They had an obligation to Nakatsu as his fan club to help him. No amount of cajoling from Mori or Saito would make the leader of their little band change his mind. So it had finally come down to this day. They were ready to enact their plan at long last.

"Alright," Takedo whispered. "Now as soon as Nakatsu goes into the locker room to check that everyone's cleared out, Saito, you go get Kagurazaka-san's attention. I'll try to keep Nakatsu distracted until we can get Kagurazaka-san into the locker room-."

"What are you three up to?" A stern voice from behind them made them freeze in place.

A cold chill ran down their spins as they all turned in unison to see Dr. Umeda staring at them and waiting for their answer.

"Umm…," Takedo glanced between his two friends for help but both glanced away quickly. He was on his own to explain this one. It was his crazy scheme anyway. "We were…we forgot something."

"Riiiight," Umeda smirked. "So what I just heard had nothing to do with Nakatsu and   
Kagurazaka?"

Takedo stuttered as he struggled to find a way to explain himself. "Well, you see we—it seemed…we wanted to help!"

The doctor's eyebrows arched up in surprise. "You wanted to help…who?"

"Both of them! Nakatsu and Kagurazaka-san! I mean, they seem so miserable around each other. And we know they love each other! We saw Nakatsu cry! And we just couldn't stand to see him that way! So we thought we'd help by getting back together! So we (Saito cut in, "HE!" and pointed at Takedo) came up with this idea about getting them alone in the same place for a while until they'd be forced to talk to each other. We ("He!" Saito insisted) thought if they just got a chance to talk they would sort things out!" Takedo babbled in a rush.

Umeda blinked a few times as he tried to understand everything that had just been spewed at him. "You thought locking them together in the locker room would fix things?" They all nodded in unison. Umeda stared at them silently for a long moment. "That is an incredibly childish scheme... Why didn't I think of that sooner?"

Their mouths all fell open in shock.

"No, really that's quite brilliant." The doctor grinned deviously. "However, your set up had one major flaw."

"What?" Saito dared to ask.

"The key to the locker room. How were you going to lock them in without the key?" Umeda asked curiously.

"Well we were gonna stea—borrow it off Kagurazaka-sensei," Takedo explained quickly.

The doctor nodded, looking thoughtful. "He would have figured you out." He glanced around the bleachers to watch the two coaches for a moment. He tapped a finger against his lips as he pondered quietly to himself. A slow smirk crawled across his face. He seemed to momentarily forget the boys were there. "I, however, have keys to all the buildings and rooms in this school."  
The three boys exchanged baffled, wondering expressions before turning their gazes back to the doctor.

"You all should be in your dorms." Umeda remarked suddenly. "It was a silly scheme and you shouldn't dare to do such things to your coaches or teachers. It's disrespectful."

If anything, they now looked even more confused.

"But you just said-?" Saito was cut off.

"Now back to your dorms!" Umeda ordered.

"Yes, sir." They all mumbled before hurrying away. They were more than happy to leave without getting in trouble. Why Umeda wasn't trying to punish them was beyond any of them. They weren't about to argue. If they got off easy that was fine with them. It seemed like Umeda had a scheme of his own now anyways.

Umeda watched them go. He made sure they were out of sight before strolling around the bleachers towards the two coaches. The boys' idea really had been brilliant. It was childish and naïve, but maybe that's why it could still work. Umeda would barely have to do anything in order put the plan into action. It was so simple. He loved it.

He schooled his expression into one of annoyance when Nakatsu and Kagurazaka caught sight of him headed their way. They both straightened up immediately from whatever equipment they'd been putting away. 28 years old, the both of them, and yet they still looked guilty and worried when the doctor came towards them wearing that expression.

"I need to speak with you both in private." Umeda said in the same stern tone he'd used on the boys earlier.

Both coaches managed to hide a cringe, but only just.

"Do you want us to come to your office after we've locked everything up?" Nakatsu asked carefully. "We're almost done."

"No. This is important and needs to be discussed right now. We can talk in the locker room." Umeda replied and gestured toward the door.

Neither coach questioned him. Umeda was somewhat surprised by that. Had he really been that much of a disciplinarian to them these past few months? He hadn't meant to be that much of a hard ass. Honestly, though, their behavior had been appalling until recently. They preceded him into the locker room without a word. He gestured for them to take a seat on the nearest bench. He waited for them to settle while he stood in the doorway.

"I'm impressed with how much you two have improved lately in your coaching," Umeda began.

"Then what's this about?" Nakatsu asked curiously.

Umeda sighed. "Your attitudes' towards each other could still use some help. I'm glad neither of you are glaring at each other or fighting anymore in front of the students. But your constant tension really needs to end."

"Just how do you suggest we fix that?" Kagurazaka asked with an annoyed scowl.

"Well, that part is quite simple." Umeda answered. "You two are going to sit here and talk it out like adults. No more avoiding, pretending, or denying what's going on. You both obviously still have some very strong feelings for each other. So you either need to figure out how to move past it or fix it before you drive the rest of us all crazy."

They stared at him with their mouths hanging open in surprise.

"Now normally I would ignore all this and let it sort itself out. But…I just found three students scheming to lock you in here in order to do just what I told you to. I sent them back to their dorms. It was really a good plan though," Umeda explained with a grin.

"You can't force us to sit here." Kagurazaka growled. "And you wouldn't dare lock us in."

"On the contrary…," Umeda's grin broadened and turned devious.

"Umeda!" Both shouted as he stepped back and slammed the door shut. He heard them jump up to race for the door. He was prepared though. He slotted the key quickly into the lock and flicked the deadbolt shut a second before he heard them hit the door.

"Umeda! Let us out of here!" Nakatsu yelled, sounding just a touch frantic.

"I'll be back in an hour!" Umeda called with a touch of delight in his tone. "Please, no bloodshed. It's a pain in the ass to clean up. Enjoy yourselves, kids!" He shoved his keys back into his pocket before striding away back towards his clinic. The sounds of their muffled shouts followed him across the practice field and grew fainter with distance. It was like music to his ears. He always did love a good scheme or prank. With any luck, this one might actually do some good.

/

After about five minutes of shouting, banging on the door, and issuing death threats, the two young men realized they were not going to be let out. Umeda hadn't been kidding. They subsided into silence, standing side by side scowling at the locked door. Nakatsu was the first to move away. He strode to the farthest set of lockers away from the door. He leaned back against them before crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at the wall to avoid looking at Kagurazaka.

"I can't believe he would do something this juvenile." The high jumper grumbled, banging his fist on the door one last time.

"You obviously don't know Umeda that well then." Nakatsu muttered, as he rolled his eyes.

Zak glanced over his shoulder. "Like you obviously do," he spat disparagingly.

"I already told you…there is nothing between us." The soccer player turned his head to glare at his once lover.

"Can't blame me for not entirely believing that." Zak said defensively. "Tell me, honestly, that   
you've never done anything with him and I'll buy it."

Nakatsu licked his lips nervously before looking away again.

"You can't, can you?" Zak spat with a touch of resentment.

"Fine! We jerked each other off once and you saw us kiss. But that was it! There is nothing else!" Nakatsu confessed peevishly. "Are you happy now?"

"No." Zak answered. "I hate the thought of you touching anyone else."

"Well you haven't exactly been around for a long time." The blond said accusingly. "You couldn't really expect me to be celibate. You can't blame me for finding him attractive when he's the first man to truly look at me (the real me) and take interest in years."

"What about that reporter?"

"What about him? Other than the fact that he smeared my name all across the news, using me in the process, just to make a headline and money!" Nakatsu shot back bitterly.

Zak was shocked out of his anger by that. "I didn't realize…" He swallowed thickly. "When I saw that story in the paper about you coming out publicly I was angry and hurt. I know I really didn't have right to feel that betrayed. I'd left you after all. But seeing that picture of you with another man…"

Nakatsu chuckled darkly. "The one in that photo was the one who sold me out. He was really a journalist. I was with him for months. The whole time it was nothing but lie to get in my pants as proof and get a story. No matter what he claims—I was just a story to him."

"I'm sorry. That's shitty," Zak murmured sympathetically.

"I've been leery of dating since then. Afraid to get to close to people. I didn't know who was genuine about liking me anymore. I've been lonely for a long time." The blond admitted quietly. "And I'd missed you so badly."

"Me too." The high jumper took a step away from the door like he wanted to cross the distance and pull the other man into his arms. He paused almost immediately. He didn't know if it was his place to touch Nakatsu ever again.

"It was flattering when Umeda said he had a crush on me. It felt good to be wanted again. I guess I got a little to caught up in it." Nakatsu hugged his arms a little tighter across his chest.

"No. I get that." Zak truly did.

They were silent for what seemed like a long time. Neither man moved or looked at each other.

"I was gonna leave her if we hadn't had any kids." Zak's voice disturbed the silence. He needed to tell this to Nakatsu. High jumping was a step to re-growing a back bone. But manning up to his mistakes was even more crucial. He was not a coward anymore. Nakatsu deserved to hear this.

The blond's eyes cut over to the other man in surprise.

"I was gonna leave my ring on the windowsill and take my suitcase—just walk right out the door." He sighed heavily. "I couldn't stand it. I was so naïve to think I could grit my teeth and bear being away from you. She loved me for some fucked up reason. When we had Hiromi, I realized I couldn't just leave. Even if I didn't love Keiko, I love Hiromi. More than I ever could have thought possible."

Nakatsu nodded. "I think it's only right a father love his children."

"I never loved Keiko…"

"But you told me-."

"I know what I said. I was lying…to you and myself. It was always you. It will always be you."   
Zak confessed, past the growing lump of emotion choking his throat.

Nakatsu stared at the floor. He wasn't quite sure what to do with that information. He diverted to another topic to give himself time to process what Zak had said. "Did you family get the land back?"

"Yeah, they did. Our marriage could only be terminated after 10 years or in case of death by one of us, as per the contract agreement. So my family got to keep the land even after Keiko was gone. I still hate her father for turning his daughter's life and our marriage into a business deal. He was callous asshole." The high jumper explained resentfully.

"That's pretty fucked up." Nakatsu agreed.

"Besides that journalist…was there ever anyone else?" Zak just had to know.

"A few. There was one who tried to help me fall in love again. I just couldn't do it." Nakatsu smiled sadly. "He deserved better. I treated him badly towards the end, trying to chase him off. I don't know why he ever forgave me for that."

"Who was it?"

Nakatsu shrugged. "No one you know." Kayashima's name was not something Zak needed to know. He was lucky enough to still have the man as his friend. He would not jeopardize that ever again.

Zak nodded, and took the hint to drop it. "I'm sor-." Zak started.

"Don't!" Nakatsu stopped him. "No more apologizing. You've said it enough already. You don't need to say it for that ever again. Let's just...put it behind us."

"Ok." Zak conceded.

They were quiet again for several minutes.

"We're both idiots." Zak whispered.

A burst of laughter snuck past Nakatsu's lips before he could stop it. "We are."

"Do you still love me?" The high jumper finally braved to ask.

Nakatsu smiled gently. "I always have."

"Same here. Always."

Their eyes met across the space between them before both smiled.

"So what now?" Zak asked, a little nervous and afraid.

Nakatsu shook his head. "I don't know."

Once upon a time they would have simply jumped each other. Passion and lust would have over ruled all else, but they were different now.

"Can I kiss you?" Zak asked tentatively after a moment.

That made Nakatsu laugh for real, a true and happy laugh for the first time in Zak's presence in a very long time. "Yes," he managed to say at last. "For fuck's sake, kiss me!"

Zak grinned before crossing the distance between them. He reached up to press his hands against the locker on either side of Nakatsu's head before leaning in. There was a moment of hesitation. Their eyes caught, holding steady and filled with so much hope. Zak closed the last few inches between them to catch Nakatsu' lips with his own. The kiss was long, sweet, and deep. It was a kiss full of hope, forgiveness, and happiness. It felt right. No, it felt perfect.

Suddenly, they heard the lock on the door turn. Before they could pull away from each other the door swung open. Umeda leaned against the door jam with a pleased grin. "Well, if I'd know locking you both in the same room for an hour would fix things, I'd have done it a month ago."

Kagurazaka blinked. "You're not mad?"

"Why would I be?" Umeda looked at him like he was daft.

"I just thought…you might be jealous…," the high jumper muttered.

Nakatsu grinned. "Like I said, you obviously don't know Umeda very well."

Zak shook his head. "Christ, this is like a bad drama."

"As glad as I am that you two figured everything out, I'd like to go home now." Umeda remarked. "Get the hell out of here. I thought we were over this issue of making out in the locker room years ago."

The two young men burst out laughing as they hurried out the door past the doctor.

"Honestly, you two should thank Nakatsu's zealous fan boys for the brilliant idea of locking you in there." The doctor said as he locked the door behind them.

Nakatsu's eyes went wide. "They were really gonna try to do that! I didn't believe you!"

"Yes. I must say, despite being one of the oldest tricks in the book, it was a stroke of genius. Now, I am going home." Umeda shoved his hands into his pockets and began to walk away. He paused for a moment to look over his shoulder. "You two have fun…just not here. Good night!"  
They stared after as he walked around the bleachers and out of sight.

"That guy is an asshole." Zak grumbled. "I can't believe you let him touch you."

"He's actually really hot and pretty damn good." Nakatsu grinned at the dark look the other man shot at him. "I bet he'd be up for a threesome."

Zak scowled in disgust. "Asshole."

Nakatsu leaned over to kiss him before the high jumper could say another word. Zak sighed in relief into the blond's mouth. His arms came up to wrap around the blond's shoulders and hold him close. They stood out there in the athletic field, exchanging soft kisses and holding one another until the sun sunk behind the horizon and the sky grew dark.

Zak broke away at long last to look around at the darkness crawling across the sky. "Shit. I'm late to pick up Hiromi."

"Sorry." Nakatsu grinned sheepishly.

"No. It's alright. Her babysitter won't mind an extra hour or two of pay, I'm sure." Zak chuckled. He carefully extracted himself from the blond's arms. They stood there, somewhat awkwardly for a minute. Zak took a deep breath before saying. "I think I need some time to get used to all this again."

"No, it's fine. You're right." Nakatsu agreed though with just a hint of disappointment in his voice.

"Maybe…can we start over?" Zak asked hopefully.

Nakatsu huffed a laugh. "Yeah…yeah, sure."

"You know, do it right for once. Like dates…" Zak tried to explain.

"You mean like dinners, and movies, and normal things couples do?" Nakatsu's eyes had an amused gleam in them.

Zak nodded. "Yeah. Like that."

"Ok. I'd love that." Nakatsu couldn't stop the grin that spread across his face.

"Me too."

Nakatsu stole another kiss quickly before backing away. "I better let you go get your daughter."

"Yeah. Right." Zak cleared his throat, fighting down the swell of need and the desire to never want to leave the blond's side ever again.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah. Tomorrow."

They grinned at each other. This was ridiculous. They were standing out here on the field where it had all started. They were just as awkward about their budding relationship now as they were back then. Only now they were way to old to be behaving in such a silly manner. It didn't matter though. The past was over. Whatever this was now, it was new and fragile. They had a chance to start over. This time they'd do things right.

"Good night."

"Good night."

They parted ways.

And this time it was ok to walk away from each other, because they knew this time it was different.

This time they had each other.

/


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter Ten

 

All night, staring at the ceiling  
Counting the minutes, I'm feeling  
This way, so far away and so alone  
But you know it's alright, I came to my senses  
Let go of my defenses  
There's no way I'm giving up this time  
Yeah, you know I'm right here  
I'm not losing you this time  
And I'm all in, nothing left to hide  
I've fallen harder than a landslide  
I spent a week away from you last night  
And now I'm calling, calling out your name  
Even if I lose the game  
I'm all in, I'm all in tonight  
Yeah, I'm all in, I'm all in for life  
Lifehouse - All In Lyrics

 

Nakatsu felt ridiculous. He was standing in front of Zak's apartment door with his fist in the air, hesitating. Honestly, he had never behaved this way in his life. He had taken a thirty minute shower, shaved to the point of almost bleeding, and probably coated himself in entirely too much cologne just for this night. He had done all this for a guy he had lived with, and loved for years. It was fucking ridiculous. He was ridiculous. What the fuck was he even doing? He had waited so long for this to finally happen again. Now he was standing here on the verge of running away because he was scared. He was so damn scared it was making him sick to his stomach. What if it all went wrong? Sure they'd kissed and made up…to some degree. Years of hurt could not be so easily fixed. Yet, starting over like this felt so awkward and weird. How do you start over with someone you once knew better than you knew yourself? Did Zak even like the same things anymore? Had he changed that much?  
"Oh my God." Nakatsu groaned to himself. Seriously. He was so fucking pathetic.  
He jumped back when the door was flung open from the inside. "Were you ever going to knock?"  
"Uhhh…" the soccer player muttered unintelligently. "Yes…I was working up to it."  
Zak leaned against the door frame. "Working up to it?"  
"I…," Nakatsu shrugged. "To hell with it. I felt like an idiot. Ok? I mean, you and me going on a date? When did we ever do that before? It's so weird. And I got kinda freaked out."  
"Oh…," Zak blinked. "It is kinda freakish for us."  
"Right?"  
"Yeah. So do you want to go out still?"  
"Yes." Nakatsu said decisively. "Let me try this again."  
Zak smirked. "Should I close the door?"  
"Yeah. I want to do this right."  
"Ok." Zak slammed the door in Nakatsu's face.  
The soccer player stood there, staring in shock at the door. He felt even more like a moron. He took a deep breath and straightened his shirt. He knocked on the door as confidently as he could manage.  
Zak swung the door open. "What a pleasant surprise. How kind of you to come over." He smiled brightly.  
"Shut the fuck up." Nakatsu glared.  
The high jumper arched an eyebrow. "Was that your idea of doing this right?"  
"You know what…forget that. Can I just come in already?" Nakatsu sighed in defeat.  
"Yeah." Zak stepped back, with a smirk, and gestured for the other man to come in.  
"Thank you." Nakatsu stepped past Zak.  
Zak closed the door. "Don't take your shoes off. I just need to grab my wallet and jacket then we can go."  
"Oh ok."  
The high jumper walked through the door from entrance hall into the living room. The door swung shut behind him and Nakatsu instantly sagged against the wall.  
"Get a grip," he ordered himself. "You are making this weird."  
Unbeknownst to Nakatsu, Kagurazaka was probably even more anxious. He refused to let it show though. He used to be the confident, in your face type. He could be that way again. Zak snatched up his wallet and slung his jacket on. This was simple. Dates were easy. Eat and talk. He could do that. He swung the door open and stepped back out into the entrance hall. "So where are we are going?" He asked casually as he slipped his wallet in the inside pocket of his jacket. He smirked as the blond straightened up abruptly before smoothly his shirt down in quick swipes of his hands.  
"Somewhere quiet and a little off the beaten path." Nakatsu smiled, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "You know…away from prying eyes and all." He turned to reach for the front door handle.  
"I'm not going to sneak around with you," Zak snapped.  
Nakatsu stopped and looked at the other man. "Ok." He said. "That's not why I picked this place, but you're right. I've been worried about another scandal for way to long. The whole world already knows I'm gay. What else can the media do to me? So you're right. We're not gonna sneak around like we are ashamed to be together."  
The high jumper's eyebrows quirked up in a look of surprise. "I didn't expect you to give in so easily."  
"Neither did I." Nakatsu grinned. "If I was with anyone else, I'd probably refuse. But it's you. I want us to be an 'us.' So no sneaking if it's what you want."  
"Don't start doing things just to please me." Zak scowled. "I am not some woman you have to seduce."  
Nakatsu stepped closer. "No, you're not. But I will do whatever it takes to keep you by my side. And it pleases me to please you." The soccer player leaned down to whisper that into his reinstated boyfriend's ear. "I know you remember all the times I've pleased you." His lips brushed against the shell of Zak's ear.  
He was abruptly shoved away. The look on Zak's face was enough to soothe the momentary disgruntlement of being pushed back. Zak remembered alright…every detail. Nakatsu could see it in the other man's face.  
"Don't forget it was me who taught you everything," Zak growled irritably.  
"Never." Nakatsu smirked.  
The two stared at each other for a long moment. Old memories that dredged up sharp desire, longing, and days of contentment seemed to thicken the air around them. Slow, Zak reminded himself. Take it slow.His younger self would have laughed himself silly at the very idea of taking anything slow.  
"So are we going out or not?" Zak reached over and opened the door.  
"Yes." Nakatsu answered decisively. Lustand want could wait, he reminded himself. They needed time to start over and rebuild what they had lost. They were different from the people they had once been. They could not jump blindly back into this. He smiled as Zak caught ahold of his hand.  
"Then come on, blondie." Zak demanded before pulling him out the door.  
Nakatsu followed after him with a huffed laugh. He hadn't heard that nickname in so long. His chest suddenly felt warm with happiness. He had to tamp down the urge to skip after Zak. The other man glanced back just long to catch Nakatsu's gaze and squeezed his hand. Nakatsu lengthened his stride until he was walking side by side with the other man. The soccer player squeezed Zak's hand back before they strode out of the apartment's inner hallway and out on to the Osaka streets.  
They walked through the streets together as the sun set and the street lights twinkled on like small glimmering stars in the twilight. Nakatsu led the way to a little hole in the wall kind of place that made the best Japanese home cooked meals he had ever found (even better than his own mother's cooking). The staff was kind. They were quickly ushered to a corner table, given menus, and drinks before left alone to decide on their meals.  
"I'm surprised you didn't take me to your favorite place when you were in high school." Zak remarked, setting the menu aside.  
Nakatsu shrugged. "It's still my favorite. I wanted to take you somewhere different. We're starting over so I didn't want to take you somewhere we've already been."  
Zak nodded. "Makes sense." He glanced around at the small restaurant. "This is nice. Homey."  
"Exactly." Nakatsu's eyes lit up. He was glad he'd made a good choice.  
The rest of the evening went better after that. Nakatsu stopped trying so hard to impress Zak. This wasn't just his ex-boyfriend, but his best friend. Once upon a time, they had shared dreams, beds, and so much more together. They seemed to fall back into the easy camaraderie they had once share. It was pleasant and relaxing to know that Nakatsu could still talk to this man like none of the heart ache from before had ever happened. It was not forgotten. That much was certain. Yet, it didn't thrive in the fore front of either of their minds' anymore. Bitter anger was slipping away to be replaced by renewed love and friendship.  
/  
A month flew by with intermittent dates. Nakatsu had even been invited over to Kagurazaka's apartment for dinner with his daughter. Harumi had been sweet and showed him every toy she owned. She then told him that she was happy he had made her daddy happy again. It was amusing to be given a blessing from a little girl, but Nakatsu had nearly choked up when she hugged him. It was all falling in to place. It was almost to easy. But the soccer player wasn't about to speak against it. Maybe Karma was finally making up for the severe fucking it given both Zak and Nakatsu in the past few years.  
During the entire month though, neither man had pushed for more than kisses and some furtive touches. They had taken it slow. Time was now on their side. There was no need to feel rushed. They were no longer hormonal, crazy teenagers that jumped into things before realizing they had gotten in to deep. This was romance. The very idea made Nakatsu laugh himself nearly sick one night alone in his apartment. He was romancing Zak, who had literally jumped Nakatsu's bones in his youth without a second thought.  
Working together had, of course, become a much less burdensome task. In fact, it was not a burden at all. It was fun. Nakatsu's little fan club still followed him around, but now they followed Zak too. The high jumper tried to be as patient as possible with them, because they did help Nakatsu out when he needed it most. Zak's students steadily improved. Without Zak's constant grumpy attitude, the students seemed to gain confidence. They were beginning to win championships. Nakatsu's soccer team was beating every team they came up against. There was talk of going to the Nationals. Everything was going so well.  
Zak continued to train. His strength was gradually coming back. Pounds had been shed and his middle went from softened to ripped again. He was gaining his athletic physique back, slowly but surely through sheer determination and iron will. Jumping no longer seemed like an impossible feat. Practice sessions with Umeda in the late afternoons were continually getting better. Umeda was pleased with Zak's improvements. The doctor was already writing up the journal article to go along with his research that he had been gathering through Zak and the high jump team's training. He was proud to know that his strength training techniques worked as well as they did. He might be finally making a ground breaking improvement to sports that would cement his professional reputation.  
It was exactly a month after Zak and Nakatsu started dating again, that the high jumper finally cleared his first high bar since he'd injured his leg. It was a small jump; nothing more than a beginner's level height. Yet, it was an achievement Zak hadn't made in what felt like forever. He laid on the mat staring up at the sky. He knew it was time to share this with Nakatsu. The whole point of this had been for him. Anxiety swelled in Kagurazaka's chest, but he shoved it down. He could jump again! He would jump for Nakatsu.  
/  
The next day dragged by as Zak waited nervously for the end of practices to be over. He left all the equipment set up as his students finally left their practices for the day. The rest of the coaches cleaned up and departed for the evening after what felt like a horrifyingly long time for the high jumper. He had asked Nakatsu to stay late earlier in the day. The blond had agreed somewhat dubiously. He was used to Zak chasing him away after practices. He was a little surprised to be invited to stay. He had no idea what the high jumper had been up to with Umeda. He figured it had to be more than just drawing up training plans for the high jump team. Curiosity had been plaguing him, but he had respected Kagurazaka's privacy.  
Nakatsu now stood off to the side of the bleachers with his hands shoved in his hoodie pocket, watching as Zak lowered the high bar and adjusted the mat. He was beginning to get a very strong inkling of what was about to happen. He wasn't sure if he was excited or scared for Zak. He remembered Sano pushing himself to near exhaustion as he tried to learn to jump again. It had been painful and heartbreaking to watch Sano fail over and over. Yet, he had eventually done it. He'd gone on to win a gold medal. But Nakatsu would never forget watching his best friend fight to jump again and the crushing disappointment with each failed attempt.  
The big difference between Sano's situation and Zak's was age. Sano had been a teenager, young enough to come back from such an injury. Zak was pushing the age when professional athletes were beginning to consider retirement. He no longer had youth on his side despite still being in his late twenties. His body had suffered a debilitating injury that had caused him a permanent limp. Granted, Nakatsu had been noticing less of a limp with each passing day. Still he couldn't help but feel anxiety rising within him as he watched Zak start to warm up. He no longer had any doubt what Zak was going to attempt. Nakatsu debated on whether he should say something. Hesitation made him linger on the side lines as Zak stretched and did a few short sprints.  
"Fuck," the blond sighed before jogging over to his boyfriend. "Zak…" Nakatsu grabbed the other man's elbow. "You don't have to do this. You don't need to prove anything to me if that's what this is about."  
Zak scowled fiercely. "I'm not proving it to you. I'm proving to me that I haven't lost myself. I gave up on myself once. I have to do this." He stepped closer. "Watch me do this." Nakatsu didn't need to know that he put the bar higher than the first jump he had made the other day. It didn't matter. Zak knew he could do it now. He would make this jump no matter what.  
A small smile flitted across Nakatsu's lips. "I'll watch you."  
"Good." Kagurazaka smiled fiercely.  
The blond swallowed hard at the high jumper's expression. There was the fire and the passion Nakatsu had always admired in the other man. Once, he had put a 100% into his high jumping. There had been no one as competitive as Kagurazaka. Sano may have gotten gold at their first Olympics, but not for Zak's lack of ferocious competitive nature. Seeing that determined expression back on his boyfriend's face did things to Nakatsu that made him ache to kiss the other man.  
Nakatsu tucked his hands into his pockets and shuffled to the side as Zak walked up to the starting line. The high jumper's eyes were set on that high bar. He stretched one more time before jumping up and down before setting himself up to start. Nakatsu felt apprehension seize him as Zak took off at a sprint. It had been so long since the last time he had witnessed this. For half a second, Nakatsu had the wild urge to sprint out and pull the other man to a stop. He didn't think he could bear to watch if Zak hurt himself worse trying to do this. He forced himself to stand still. Zak would not thank him for interfering. He sucked in a sharp breath as Zak leapt into the air. For a heartbeat of a moment, the high jumper was suspended in the air in a beautiful arch. Nakatsu's heart felt like it got lodged somewhere in his throat. Kagurazaka soared over the bar with inches to spare. He landed with a thud in the mat on the other side.  
Both of them were unable to move for a nearly a minute so stunned that they were frozen. Nakatsu felt a surge of joy take hold of him. He whooped in sheer delight before sprinting across the short distance between him and his boyfriend. He leapt on to the mat to scoop Zak up into a bear hug. He held on tighter when he realized Zak was sobbing. The high jumper embraced Nakatsu back just as hard.  
"I did it." He whispered between choking sobs. "I fucking did it!"  
"You did." Nakatsu half shouted for glee. "I can hardly believe it. You looked amazing. Like a hawk. You were flying."  
Zak buried his face against his boyfriend's shoulder and grabbed fistfuls of Nakatsu's shirt as he sobbed harder. It had been so long since he felt this sheer joy and freedom of clearing the high bar. He hadn't known he could do it. He believed he could. He told himself he could. But now that it had truly happened again for the first time in years, he could hardly contain the swell of elation that was making his heart pound. He jerked back from Naktasu's embrace, grabbed the other man's face in his hands, and kissed him hard. The blond's smile was wide against Zak's lips.  
"I love you." Zak whispered when he drew back.  
Nakatsu closed his eyes in effort to stave off the wild urge to cry too. Maybe they were different now. Their lives had changed. This love had not. They still had this between them. They always would. It had survived through bitterness, angry, betrayal, sorrow, and years. He brushed a kiss across the high jumper's jaw before hugging him tight again. He had waited past the point when most would have given up. He didn't know why he had, but he was so very glad he had waited.  
"I love you," he murmured into his boyfriend's ear.  
Zak pulled back and swiped the tears off his face. "I want to go to the Olympics."  
"WHAT!?" Nakatsu burst out in shock.  
"I never won my Gold. I want it." He glanced up at the high bar. "I'm going to get it this time."  
"Zak…"  
The high jumper gazed into the soccer player's eyes. Fierce passion and determination was set in the lines of Zak's face. "You don't believe I can do it?"  
Nakatsu looked up at the high bar swaying gently in the wind above them. The memory of Zak gliding over that bar flashed through his mind. "It will be difficult."  
"I don't care."  
"People will doubt you. They will tell you it's impossible. That you're crazy and it's to late." Nakatsu said, looking back at his boyfriend.  
"They can say whatever the fuck they want. Long as you think I can do it." Zak replied seriously.  
A smile curled across Nakatsu's lips. Zak's determination was contagious. "I know you can do it. I'll see you there. This time we will win our Golds together." Zak's answering grin was so bright that Nakatsu laughed. "That's a promise."  
"We have two years to make this happen." Zak's eyes were back on the high bar.  
"London's calling our names, Zak." Nakatsu whispered. He gazed over at the other man. His breath caught in his throat. The smile on Zak's face was so devastatingly happy. Gone were the tired circles under his eyes, the lines from weariness, and the frown that seemed to have been permanently carved into his face. It transported Nakatsu back into the past for just a moment to the first time he saw this boy, no, this man smile. That might have been when he truly fell in love with the high jumper. He had seen behind the prickly, prideful behavior to the person underneath. He had loved that person. The smile on Zak's face reminded Nakatsu of just how much he loved this man.  
Before he could stop himself, he leaned forward and kissed the smile on Zak's lips. The high jumper froze for only a second before he grabbed the blond's face to kiss him back. Nakatsu laughed into Zak's lips as he wrapped his arms around the other man's neck. They kissed each other, fast and eager, until they were breathless.  
"I want you," Nakatsu whispered into the high jumper's mouth.  
Zak shivered before kissing the blond again. "Yes," he hummed when he broke the kiss a moment later.  
The blond's eyes popped open in surprise. "What?" The whole world seemed to freeze for a moment.  
"Yes. I want you." Zak reiterated more clearly.  
Nakatsu tackled him. They went flailing backwards into the mat. Zak laughed as he landed in a graceless heap on his back. A second later, he was moaning happily as Nakatsu straddled his hips and their lips crashed together. Zak nearly sobbed in delight as the blond rubbed his nipples through the thin fabric of his t-shirt.  
"Not here!" Zak choked out.  
"What?" Nakatsu drew back, blinking to regain some clarity.  
"We can't do it here." Zak pushed the blond back. Nakatsu sank back onto his heels. His weight settled on to the high jumper's cock. Zak groaned and rolled his hips up against the blond's clothed ass in spite of himself.  
Nakatsu smirked. "You were saying?"  
"Fuck," Zak growled. "We can't. Dr. Umeda will kill us. Not to mention we are in the middle of the athletic field."  
"Fine. Mood killer." Nakatsu pouted. He grinned again when he felt the high jumper's cock twitch against his ass. "So…" He leaned back forward, bracketing Zak in with one hand on either side of his head. "Your place or mine?"  
Zak's eyes shuttered nearly shut. "Yours. Definitely yours." His eyes went wide when Nakatsu bounded up and away. "What the!?"  
"Get up! Let's throw this crap into the storage room and get the hell out of here. I've waited years to get you naked again. I'm not gonna wait a minute longer than I have to!" He nearly yanked the mat right out from under the high jumper.  
Zak chuckled before he rolled up onto his feet. "Let's hurry up then!"  
/  
The clean-up seemed to take forever. The walk (if you wanted to call their pace walking) was almost like torture from the distance between the school and Nakatsu's apartment. Never mind, that it wasn't even a half mile walk. It was just the notion of having to hold themselves back; especially for Nakatsu. He was nearly jittery with desire. His palms felt itchy with the need to feel Zak's bare skin once more. He had been patient. Hell, they both had. But after a month of going slow, Nakatsu just couldn't take it anymore. It was not in his nature to be patient. He practically bounded down the sidewalk, unable to contain himself.  
He caught Zak giving him a knowing, amused smile as they walked up the stairs to Nakatsu's second floor apartment. Unlike, Zak's apartment that had a nice lobby with the entrances to the apartments down indoor hallways much like a hotel, Nakatsu's apartment complex was more like a motel. The walkways to the apartment doors were on the outside of the building. These types were usually cheaper and less extravagant, which was right up the soccer player's alley. He didn't have a family or the need for anything more high class. Sure, he had the money for a much nicer place, but he didn't care to indulge. He was a humble, simple kind of guy. He felt more at home in this kind of place. He unlocked the door before swinging it open and ushering the other man inside. Zak stepped in without even hesitating. That made Nakatsu smile.  
Zak slipped his shoes off before shrugging his jacket off and hanging it on the hooks on the wall. Nakatsu slammed the door shut before flicking the lock closed. The snick of the lock made Zak tense for just a second. For a moment, all they could do was stand there and stare at each other.  
"Are you going to invite me in and offer me a drink?" Zak remarked casually, as if a swarm of butterflies hadn't suddenly taken up residence in his stomach.  
Nakatsu felt a wave of want and lust course through him so strong it left him nearly shaking. Zak looked so cool and unaffected. He had always been this way back when they first started this crazy roller coaster of a relationship. He'd played Nakatsu like his favorite instrument. He'd always known just what to do and how to get what he wanted. It used to drive Nakatsu crazy. Well, this time it was his turn to catch the high jumper off guard. He would be the one to start things this time. Zak might look aloof, but a quick glance at his pulse proved he was not so unaffected as he pretended.  
"Nope." Nakatsu grinned before lunging forward.  
Zak gasped as he was slammed backwards against the wall. Whatever strange hesitation that had been holding them back was broken. Nakatsu couldn't stand to be separated from the other man a moment longer. He needed to touch and taste Zak now! It seemed like his sentiments were shared with Zak. Their mouths met in a wild, desperate clash of mouths that nearly drew blood. It was all teeth and tongue. Fuck, how Nakatsu had missed this. Zak's hands gripped the blond's jaw and slanted their mouths harder against each other. Nakatsu grabbed the other man's hips to drag his body in tight against him. Nakatsu groaned into Zak's mouth as their clothed cocks rubbed against each other. Nakatsu had missed this. Some days he had missed it so much it was like a physical pain and nearly unbearable. But that was over. He had Zak back and he would keep him this time. Everything about the high jumper was Nakatsu's to own. He'd sear it into the other man's skin if he could.  
Their hands ripped at clothes, tangled in hair, and mapped out every inch of bare skin within reach. It felt like they were seventeen again; wild, lusty, and oh so needy. Clothes just seemed to fall away until there was nothing left between them. Nakatsu whimpered, high and desperate, at the first full body grind between them. Zak keened in response as his erection was trapped between their bellies and the friction of their rolling hips sent shudders racing through him. The sound went straight to Nakatsu's cock like a tuning fork, making him unbelievably harder.  
Nakatsu ripped his mouth away from Zak's lips before grabbing him by the shoulders to steer him none to gently through the apartment. They stumbled over strewn piles of clothes, books, movies, and general mess that littered the floor of the blond's bachelor pad. Zak stumbled back and tripped over his own feet when the blond shoved him backwards. He flailed for a second before going over in a windmill of arms. He landed on the bed less than gracefully. Nakatsu snickered at the disgruntled glare sent his way. It was fairly obvious Zak hadn't been man handled in years. The very idea that Nakatsu was about to break the other man's dry spell of gay sex was incredibly thrilling. He reached over to yank the drawer of his night stand open and grab the bottle of lube stashed inside. He tossed it on to the bed next to Zak, who barely got to glance at it before Nakatsu was on him again.  
Nakatsu grabbed the high jumper's hips and yanked him to the edge of the mattress. Zak scrambled for half a second until his feet touched the floor. The blond dropped to his knees on the floor and licked a stripe up the underside of Zak's cock. The high jumper made a noise like he'd been punched in the gut. Fuck, he couldn't remember the last time he'd felt someone's mouth on his cock. His eyes fluttered shut as his back bowed up when the blond swallowed his cock in one go. Zak moaned brokenly, lost in the wet heat surrounding his cock. He'd always loved this. He loved it even more knowing it was the blond doing it. He buried his fingers in Nakatsu's hair before thrusting his hips up to bury more of his length in the blond's mouth. Nakatsu didn't even protest. He took it. Fuck, he enjoyed it as Zak fucked his mouth. No one else's cock had ever tasted this good to him.  
Nakatsu pulled off with a pop when he felt Zak's shudders starting to grow more desperate. He smirked when the high jumper cursed and tightened his hold in the blond's hair. Nakatsu pushed Zak's hands aside before flipping the other man onto his stomach. He pushed the high jumper's knees up under him, making him lift his ass in the air and leaving him exposed to Nakatsu.  
"What the hell, Nakatsu?" Zak growled, trying to flip himself back over.  
Nakatsu grabbed the other man's hips and held him in place. "This is mine." He whispered possessively before dropping his head and swiping his tongue over the hidden pucker of muscle between Zak's ass cheeks. The high jumper sucked in a sharp breath. His fingers dug into the bed sheets as Nakatsu swirled his tongue and sucked. Zak moaned, dark and deep, pressing back into that exquisite feeling. Nakatsu's tongue pressed inside, wet and hot, making Zak jerk then writhe. The blond's hand found the high jumper's erection, stroking in long, twisting pulls. Pre-cum dribbled in a steady stream into Nakatsu's palm, slickening the motions of his hand. Zak couldn't figure out whether to rock backwards or forwards, trapped between two blissful agonies, yet needing more. He hadn't been so painfully, wonderfully aroused in so long that his body felt like it was going to shake apart.  
"Come on, Zak," Nakatsu breathed, against the heated flesh beneath his mouth. He knew the high jumper was close. "Fuck, come on."  
"Uuhhh," Zak moaned helplessly as the blond stabbed his tongue back inside the high jumper. Another sharp, twist and pull of Nakatsu's hand had Zak coming all over the sheets with a yelp. His body spasmed through his orgasm as the blond stroked him through it. He sagged down into the mattress. The only thing keeping him up was Nakatsu's grip on his hips. He shuddered in anticipation when he heard the cap on the lube pop open. He tilted his head back to watch the blond coat his fingers in the slippery liquid.  
"You ok?" Nakatsu asked the other man, rubbing circles into the sensitive skin on Zak's hip with his free hand.  
"Fuck yes," Zak sighed.  
"Looked like you've been holding that one in for a while." Nakatsu remarked, as he rubbed his lube covered fingers over Zak's wet whirl of flesh.  
Zak huffed then shivered when Nakatsu pressed on finger slowly inside him. "I have. Keep going."  
"You're sure?" He plunged his finger slowly in and out of the tight muscle. His cock twitched with the need to be buried inside that slick heat.  
"Yeah."  
Zak immediately gasped as another finger was pressed into him. His hips shifted against the intrusion. It had been so long since his body had felt invaded that the uncomfortable strangeness of being breached was like his first time all over again. Only this time at least he was with someone he truly cared about and knew how to make it good. His cock was slowly taking interest, already half hard. He unconsciously spread his knees a little more as Nakatsu slipped a third finger inside him. The burn of being stretched was sharp. His hips jerked forward. The blond held him steady, gently rocking his fingers in and out in slow drags. Nakatsu leaned over to lick and kiss the soft swells of the other man's ass cheeks. He glanced down the long line of Zak's spine. His cock drooled pre-cum as he watched Zak's muscles flex beneath his skin. All that pale skin, unmarked and so smooth. The blond's free hand slipped up to caress Zak's back and sides. He felt more than heard the hum of appreciation Zak gave to the attention he was receiving. Zak slowly relaxed as he was petted.  
He went very still when Nakatsu withdrew his fingers and Zak felt the nudge of something much larger against his backside. It had been so long since he'd taken it. Part of him was nervous—most of him was just held tight with anticipation. He resisted the urge to clench his muscles as the head of Nakatsu's cock breached him. Zak took a slow deep breath as the other man's cock pushed further in. He shivered as Nakatsu's hands caressed over his skin while the blond whispered soothing nonsense to him.  
Nakatsu was doing his damnedest not to plunge inside of Zak's tight body. The man felt so perfect. The blond felt like he was coming home. This place inside of Zak had always been his and always would be. He wanted to fuck the other man into the mattress and claim it back. He bit his bottom lip as he forced himself to take it slow. He watched the curve and arch of Zak's spine as the high jumper pushed himself up onto his elbows so he could press back. Then before Nakatsu realized it, he was buried fully inside Zak, balls pressed against soft, furred thighs. He had to pause and take a deep breath. He gripped Zak's hips, bending over to press his forehead against the nape of the high jumper's neck.  
Kagurazaka groaned low in the back of his throat. He felt vulnerable and broken open, but he welcomed it. He felt like his whole world was right in that moment with Nakatsu over, around, and inside him. Zak's body shivered hard as the blond barely shifted his hips, yet the high jumper felt every tiny motion with absolute clarity. Nakatsu set up a slow, steady motion of short, grinding thrusts. Zak shoved his face down into the mattress as he choked on air with each plunge of the blond's cock inside him. They fell in sync in the rocking of hips and soft moans that followed. Nakatsu couldn't hold himself back for more than a few minutes. All to quickly, his thrusts were becoming longer and harder, but Zak took it. Fuck, he felt dazed from the pleasure flooding through him. Nakatsu's cock only brushed past his sweet spot every other thrust but it was enough to have Zak rushing towards nirvana.  
Nakatsu was getting close embarrassingly fast. He couldn't help it. No one else had ever affected him as powerfully as Zak did. But there was one thing that wasn't right. He was missing something crucial. He needed to see the high jumper's face. Zak reached forward and hooked his hands under the other man's biceps. He flexed backwards and pulled the high jumper up then back against Nakatsu's chest. Zak's thighs spread wide across the blond's until he found himself sitting on Nakatsu's lap. The high jumper gasped as he sank down further onto the soccer player's cock. Zak's head fell back against the blond's shoulder. Nakatsu began to thrust up in short and deep grinding circles. He turned his head to watch Zak. Pleasure was painted across the high jumper's features. His face was flushed as he bit his lip and his eyes were shut against the onslaught of Nakatsu's cock driving into him. Beautiful, Nakatsu thought. The half halo of Nakatsu's eyelashes was gorgeous against the red flush of his skin.  
"Fuck," Zak breathed when Nakatsu closed his fist around the high jumper's cock.  
He writhed in the blond's lap, trapped between Nakatsu's hand and cock. Pleasure so strong washed over him in increasing euphoric waves. How had he lasted for so long without this bliss in his life? His mouth fell open, unable to hold back the desperate cries any longer. Nakatsu was enthralled by the man he held in his arms. His climax snuck up on him before he was ready. His hips jerked up as ecstasy burned through every nerve in his body. He moaned breathlessly as his thrusts became erratic, drawing out the pleasure blazing through him. Zak whimpered a soft plea as all motion stopped for a few moments. All he needed was a little bit more…anything! He was so close to coming his balls ached and his body clenched tight. Nakatsu groaned weakly as the high jumper's body gripped him hard from the inside. He forced his hand to start moving again. He jerked Zak off in quick, long pulls until seconds later the high jumper was coming across his hand. Zak keened low as his orgasm finally hit him hard and fast. For a few seconds, the world seemed to fade out as rapture flooded his senses.  
He came back down from his high with Nakatsu holding him close. He grit his teeth against the ache of the blond pulling out of him. The soccer player tipped them sideways until they fell in a tangle of limbs across the mattress. Nakatsu rolled Zak onto his back to kiss him soundly.  
"I love you," he said.  
Zak's smile was small but soft and happy. "Love you too."  
"You think we're gonna be ok from here on out?" Nakatsu couldn't help but ask.  
"Yeah," the high jumper answered without hesitation. "Yeah, I do." He dragged the blond down for a long, tongue twisting kiss.  
Nakatsu pulled back to press his forehead to Zak's. "It was all worth it for this."  
"Fucking liar. It was hell." Zak snorted.  
"It was hell. But I don't regret having been with you back then. Maybe we could have saved ourselves a lot of pain otherwise. But life's to short to let love slip away." Nakatsu replied decisively.  
"You've gotten sappy in your old age." The high jumper smirked.  
"Your fault."  
"Whatever."  
They traded kisses until lethargy dragged them to sleep. The morning would bring the start of not only a new day, but new possibilities for them. It took a fight, jealousy, anger, and tears to get them back together. Nothing would ever tear them apart again. Both of them would make sure of that. All roads to love are painful, but they had learned that the pain was worth it if it meant being together.  
The End.  
/


End file.
